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Because Capitol Hill should probably be renamed “Toddler Alley,” and they can’t even agree on Attends or Depends, as I’m sure we’ve all heard, a Federal Government shutdown looms just days away. Regardless of which political toilet you choose to shit in, the government shutdown could have serious ramifications for those of us in the postgrad world.
1. Let me start by saying if you happen to be one of the approximately 33% of government employees who are considered “non-essential,” you have my heartfelt condolences because you will be temporarily unemployed until the cry-babies in Washington get their heads out of their respective asses. On the plus side, you would get some funemployment time to catch up on Netflix, GTA 5, and Tinder.
2. How about that new bar around the corner that’s supposed to open here in a week or two? Sorry Charlie, the bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms won’t be issuing any new licenses during the shutdown, leaving you to walk or cab it an extra three or four or ten blocks to drown your sorrows and drunkenly ride the mechanical bull on “Western Night Wednesdays.” Also, we’d all better pray to God that the zombie apocalypse is put on hold too, because you won’t be able to hit up your local gun store, and the dudes who have all the guns already will be clinging to them like the wackos on Hoarders.
3. Do you live within the Washington, D.C. city limits? You’d better hope you have a large trash can, access to an unlocked dumpster, or can sneak your way onto a landfill site to get rid of your beer bottles, pizza boxes, and ramen packages, because garbage collectors will be enjoying their own funemployment. You could however, get started on this year’s beer bottle Christmas tree.
4. The Postal Service is a government entity, right? That means no bills or junk mail, right?! Wrong. The USPS, which is currently billions of dollars in debt, will continue to deliver envelopes notifying you that you have be pre-approved for yet another credit card – presumably so you can join them in even more soul-crushing debt. Rest assured though, you’ll still receive your US Weekly, Cosmo, Playboy, Maxim, and People Magazines so you can see how all your favorite celebrities are handling the shutdown way better than your sorry ass is.
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Spaceman Spiff
Now a graduate with a few years of business "experience", Spiff didn't exactly turn into the interplanetary explorer extraordinaire he had hoped to become. Instead, he spends his days as a cynical desk jockey, moonlighting as a Contributing Writer for PGP and marching ever closer to the big 3-0, which has only fueled his transition from quarter-life crisis straight into thrisis.
So in other words a federal government shutdown will be the best thing the federal government has done during the obama administration? I agree.
The government shuts down every Friday at 5pm. We’ll live.
5 pm? Try 3 pm. Or it’s “telecommuting” if it’s sunny outside.
At least the nonessential personnel get a few days off. Gov’t shutdown means no pay for military and a full day’s work, regardless.
The President has the ability to pay the military while the nonessential government is shut down. Cruz mentioned that in his filibuster today.
This man only approved a 1% raise, so it’s doubtful we get paid. In April of 2011, during the last big looming shutdown, we were informed that we would be required to work without pay. We’d get paid when a resolution was reached, but not until then. The money is already there for the first, but the 15 could be painful for many enlisted Soldiers and young officers with families.
I stopped using tinder a few weeks ago… too many douches for my liking lol. My coworker showed me cliqie.com and I’m a big fan of that over the others in terms of actually meeting people vs. just entertainment. It has a different approach that feels less sketchy cause you and your friends essentially act as “wingmen”. I like that it helps you find things to do too. Skout’s okay too, but still has it’s fair share of creepers
To be honest, I dont even know what the fuck tinder is either.
CAN SOMEONE REPORT THIS ROBOT? STOP TRYING TO MAKE CLIQIE HAPPEN, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!