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I have what a medical professional would most likely call “garden-variety anxiety.” Basically what this means is that like most functioning adults, I sometimes become anxious in certain situations. Laying in bed on a Sunday night gives me anxiety, which in turns makes my heart race and obviously contributes to a poor night of rest.
Looking through text messages I sent after a night out on the town makes my heart beat around the same rate that it does after I polish off a large cup of cold brew from Starbs.
I don’t have anything close to a problem that qualifies me for a Xanax prescription (although, I would love to have one for Sunday nights pretty much exclusively), but like any normal human being, I sometimes get anxious. I think we can all agree that there isn’t a single person on Earth who doesn’t occasionally get nervous or perturbed at some point or another.
Over-analyzing situations is what I do best. And it only gets worse the more that I drink. I think way too hard about pretty much every social interaction I’ve ever had, whether it be professional or personal. Did I shake his hand too hard? Was I talking too much about myself to that girl? Why did I come to this fucking party? I’ve gotten a lot better recently at curbing some of these thoughts, but they still pop up from time to time.
These are all questions I have internally when I’m talking to someone. But talking to someone in person and interacting online are two totally different animals. I would go so far as to say that when it comes to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, I go even more in depth in terms of analyzation than I do with person to person interactions. We all do it. It’s shameful and kind of sad and disgusting, but we all do it. And it’s really difficult to control. We’ll scroll through the list of people who liked our picture on our most recent Instagram and think about each one individually and what their motive was behind their like.
That Snapchat that you thought was super clever? She opened it fifteen minutes ago and didn’t even bother to send back a “haha whyyyyyy” message.
You made a witty comment on someone’s Facebook post about Donald Trump’s OCD tendencies but it didn’t garner any likes. What’d you do wrong?
Your Instagram photo is doing numbers right now and your ex-girlfriend liked it despite the fact that she won’t return your phone calls. What the hell does that mean? Should you give her a call? Does she still love you?
What does all of this really mean? It could mean that your ex wanted to fuck with you when she liked that picture of you and your buddy on Instagram. Maybe your “friend” whose Facebook post you commented on doesn’t actually like you. And maybe that girl who you thought you had a shot with finds your Snapchats annoying and derivative.
Social media is bullshit when it comes to stuff like this. It’s important to remember that interactions on social media are not what defines you as a human being. And just like most things in life, the simplest answer to a question regarding a post on social media is usually the correct one.
Your ex-girlfriend likes literally everyone’s Instagram pictures and you need to chill out on the phone calls and text messages. She doesn’t want you to reach out and she genuinely just liked the photo because you and your friend looked happy in it. There are no hidden meanings behind her tapping that heart button.
Your buddy who wrote the Facebook post about Donald Trump didn’t respond to your comment because it was off-topic and he was trying to have a serious discussion about the state of the nation.
And maybe that girl who you Snapchatted is just busy right now and doesn’t have time to snap you back. Believe it or not, people have other things to do with their time than respond to your Snapchats.
Social media is a ruthless game. We post on Twitter, Instagram, and to our Snapchat story because that’s what everyone else does. But the sooner you realize that interactions on these websites are just as inconsequential as your handshake with a friend of a friend of a friend, the happier and more carefree you’ll be. None of this shit matters and there’s no need to start over-thinking your social media tendencies. We all have bigger fish to fry. .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
Duda is acting a lot like total phony Goofy Senator Elizabeth Warren aka ‘Pocahontas’, very WEAK and ineffective. Does nothing. All talk, no action! – Duda needs to ACT now on his promises for the American people and PGP readers. All the polls confirm Trump is right on this. He must be SMART!
I need to stop reading these at my desk. I look really stupid, struggling not to lol as I’m surrounded by coworkers in a silent office, with an open floor plan.
You’re absolutely right, Johnson D. Like, when I see people I graduated high school who I didn’t even like post pictures of their new house and their ugly baby, I don’t feel behind in life anymore because I just think to myself “what a dumb stupid baby, the thing can’t even hold a conversation with anyone and it will probably grow up to be a piece of shit like it’s parents” and then I feel way better and go about my day worrying about affording to pay rent while also looking for airfare prices for a solo trip to Iceland.
Iceland is amazing, I would strongly recommend renting a car. FYI booze there is stupid expensive. Bring a flask and throw a bottle in your checked luggage. Also Iceland air allows free stopovers for up to 7 days so if you play your cards right you might even. E able to bang out two countries in one trip.
Thank you. Much love
What if someone unfollowed you on Twitter without any warning explanation?
Asking for a friend.
via GIPHY
High chance it’s because you’re annoying af online.
I know that sounds mean but that’s pretty much the only reason I unfollow people on anything.
So do this mean I have no chance with all the Instagram models I follow without a follow back?!
Fuck Duda, I needed this.
Did you shake his hand too hard? Very doubtful.
I have yet to hit 100 likes on an instagram post.
I don’t even have 100 followers on IG
I have yet to hit 10 likes on Instagram. PGP.
This is why I generally don’t post much on social media anymore.
I see so many people evaluating their self worth based off of social media. It’s sad. Also scary – like some Twilight Zone shit or something.
Black Mirror. Season 3. Episode 1.
That episode changed the whole social media game for me. It’s some deep shit.
Excellent show.
My favorite mind game is the Tinder swipe.
*I swipe right*
*no match yet*
Tell myself, “They must not have come across my account yet.”