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How can this phrase have possibly lingered in our collective rhetoric for so long? For years now, the phrase “420 friendly” has littered our chat boxes, dating apps, Craigslist posts, and even our conversations. I’ve had enough.
Let me be very honest here. If you, a potential suitor, ask me if I’m “420 friendly,” there is no shot in hell that I will be, even in the distant future, sleeping with you.
I will immediately swipe left, delete your number, walk away, or ignore you in whatever other format we’re going through the courting process.
In fact, if the phrase “420 friendly” is anywhere near your bio OR mouth, whether or not you’re inquiring if I am also 420F or just announcing it to the general expanse, you’re done.
I don’t care if you’re the hemp king sent directly from the fields of Northern California, an heir to some ganja throne, if you ask me if I’m “420 friendly” I will have a worse taste in my mouth than if I was to take a hit of that sad little blunt anyways.
I can’t possibly imagine what possesses people to include in their dating app bio that they’re “420 friendly *sunglasses smile emoji* *cigarette emoji* *flower emoji*” other than the fact that they’re so high they actually think announcing to the entire world that they like to get stoned, lay around, and eat food is a particularly impressive or special quality.
For heaven’s sake, it’s 2017, isn’t everyone our age 420F?
From medicinal marijuana chocolate bars to the shit you can vape, I know less than five people under the age of 40 that are vehemently opposed to the stuff.
Regardless of whether or not you partake, is there really anyone out there that’s like, “Oh…you smoke pot? That’s horrific!” No. No, there’s not. I think we can all assume the entire goddamn population is “420 friendly.” Even if you’re a politician who “doesn’t approve of recreational marijuana,” I’m sure you’ve got a couple million invested in whatever Big Weed company is going to take over and unseat the little guys. It’s safe to say we’re all on board in one capacity or another.
Now, if you were say, “Crystal Meth friendly,” then that’d be a different thing. If the fact that I don’t do crystal meth is a non-negotiable for you, then, by all means, paint “Must Be Crystal Meth Friendly” across every dating app you’ve got. Otherwise, I’ll let you in on a little secret, everyone is 420 friendly and you look like a stoner middle school kid by bringing it up.
Furthermore, we need to stop saying “420” altogether. No one that actually uses marijuana in a responsibly chill way is associating themselves with “420,” whether it be the phrase or the day. Do you really want to be the guy stoked for April 20th? You already get high every other day of the year! What is so wonderful about 420? You get to get extra high?
I’m so sorry to have to break this to you but 420 is not a real holiday. No one says “happy 420” unless it’s your other misguided stoner friend. I don’t send my grandmother a card on 420 or buy my uncle a tie. So please, do not be the guy clogging up my Instagram feed with boomerangs of you taking a bong rip. If I didn’t already think you were an idiot in high school, I certainly think it now.
Finally, if you are so obsessed with being “420 friendly” that you must ask immediately upon meeting me, “Do you get high?” then I can only assume one, very sad thing. You would prefer staying in and lighting up over going out to drink with me. And that, right there, is my non-negotiable.
Toke on tokers, just do me a favor and leave it out of your bio. We get it, you smoke. .