Expecting a raise despite the fact that i do absolutely nothing at work. PGP

The sun caused me to get into a wreck this morning because I’m too fucking cheap to afford new sunglasses. PGP

I went bowling last night by myself and I actually enjoyed it. PGP

My piss is always dark yellow. PGP

The first and the last hour of each day is wasted on nonsense internet browsing. PGP

My PGP submission is currently live. Me, not so much. PGP

Tinder on toilet. Tinder in traffic. PGP

My company charges our clients 5 times the amount that they pay me. PGP

I don’t piss excellence in the morning. I piss dark roast. PGP

I’ve had the dad bod before dad bods were cool. PGP