My boss congratulated me for having 500+ connections.

I’ve been put in charge of Salesforce because I’m “young and better with technology” despite only using it a handful of times.

If I’m not going to be home by 10 I’m not going to do it. PGP.

My favorite gift this year was the Sonicare my mom got me. PGP.

Just got an email saying we’re on track for record profits for the fourth quarter in a row. It was followed up with an email explaining why we’re not getting a Christmas bonus. PGP.

There have already been several emails warning us about the consequences of taking a long lunch break for the Germany-United States game. PGP.

My boss hasn’t called me the right name since he’s hired me.

Last one in, first one out.

This year I have “Dyson Vacuum” and “Sonicare” on my birthday list.

Emails from HR reminding you that, despite weed being legal in Denver, random drug tests still test for it and it’s a fireable offense. PGP.