My only Tinder match for the week has been the Bud Light Down for Whatever profile. PGP

Perfecting the suburban neighbor wave. PGP.

I avoid websites I like at night so I can check them out on work time. PGP.

I only drink so I can eat fast food later without judgement. PGP.

One of my older coworkers has just now discovered Siri and talks to her phone all day. PGP.

Stealing toilet paper from the hotel you stayed at on your last business trip. PGP.

Unexpected expense came in like a wrecking ball. PGP.

“I have to leave for a doctor’s appointment, but this needs to be finished in an hour and I’m barely halfway through,” said my boss. PGP.

Mauling down your little cousins at the Easter egg hunt once you learn one contains a $100 bill. PGP.

Thinking of using the staple gun on your hand just so you can feel something..anything. PGP.