When I was “bending the truth” about my Excel skills in my interview, I didn’t realize how dependent my job was on excel. Quarterly reports? Fuck. PGP.

90% of the emails I send start with “Sorry for the delay.” PGP.

Watching The Three Stooges and wondering why you can’t work with people who are even half as intelligent. PGP.

Having no personal items on your desk so you can get up and leave immediately if fired. PGP.

I’ve been working here for 10 months and it’s only today that I realized the company name in my email signature is misspelled. PGP.

The thought that one day I may be responsible for raising children is an absolute fucking joke. PGP.

BACK SEAT, WINDOWS UP…is how I arrive at work in my carpool. PGP.

Mastering the art of looking busy and maintaing zero productivity. PGP.

One 5-hour Energy away from a heart attack. PGP.

Greeting the guy whose name you can never remember with “There he is!” PGP.