Bailing on an argument when you’re right, dropping the world to find a lost earring and whining when your girl isn’t around are all direct contrasts to “not a pushover”
Not even the most heavily rose-tinted glasses could disguise Times Square for what it is – a cesspool of tourist filth, bad 5th grade school trips, and costumed bums looking to make a quick buck pretending to be Elmo. I’ll defend NYC, I won’t defend Hell
“I visited a place and took issue with aspects of it” – everyone who ever traveled anywhere ever. NYC transit blows. People in LA are fake. Austin is too hot. Chicago is too cold. The food in England sucks. There’s too much crime in Barcelona. Cape Town is still very racist. Tokyo is too fast paced. Do you see what I’m getting at here? (I’m picking these places bc I’ve been to them, didn’t just throw darts at a map)
More people need to know about the game Murder. 3×3 card table, you guess high/low 3 times on any card in the table and stack a card on top each guess. Get it right 3 times and it moves on, get it wrong and you drink for the count of cards in the stack. Except your friends do the count for you as fast or slow as they want. Surefire way to get obliterated
I met a Trevor once catching up with one of my oldest and closest friends I hadn’t seen in months, guy just scowled at me all night. You could see the insecurity oozing out of his every pore
Take an hour out of your day to go get a coffee and talk it out with your ex, some people can’t move on without closure. I say this as someone who couldn’t move on without closure
Not to mention there’s always one guy who manages to get away with not paying his dues and gets several rounds of free drinks, commonly referred to as a being a shitweasel
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My back porch is a fire escape with one lawn chair so I’m actually fairly envious of this dual couch situation you’re working with
Bailing on an argument when you’re right, dropping the world to find a lost earring and whining when your girl isn’t around are all direct contrasts to “not a pushover”
Ever hear of a silver fox? Give me the gray hairs and crows feet, I’ll find a way to make it work
The tennis match that ensues when you each try to one-up each other’s filthy imagination makes Borg v. McEnroe look like ping pong
Granny from the top rope!
This poor man is walking straight to the gallows without even realizing it. Sex is NOT on the Saturday brunch menu this day
Any guy sub 5’10 already knows the pain of striking out before taking a swing. Give me the extra 2 feet
Call me nuts but I usually prefer throwing on a mindless action movie. John Wick whilst enjoying a shrimp scampi? Shut it the fuck down, I’m sold
Not even the most heavily rose-tinted glasses could disguise Times Square for what it is – a cesspool of tourist filth, bad 5th grade school trips, and costumed bums looking to make a quick buck pretending to be Elmo. I’ll defend NYC, I won’t defend Hell
“I visited a place and took issue with aspects of it” – everyone who ever traveled anywhere ever. NYC transit blows. People in LA are fake. Austin is too hot. Chicago is too cold. The food in England sucks. There’s too much crime in Barcelona. Cape Town is still very racist. Tokyo is too fast paced. Do you see what I’m getting at here? (I’m picking these places bc I’ve been to them, didn’t just throw darts at a map)
A Mulaney classic
Untrue, you can also get fired on a Tuesday at 9 am as you walk into the office for a team meeting
It’s high 70s and sunny in NJ all weekend. A questionable amount of beer is in the forecast
More people need to know about the game Murder. 3×3 card table, you guess high/low 3 times on any card in the table and stack a card on top each guess. Get it right 3 times and it moves on, get it wrong and you drink for the count of cards in the stack. Except your friends do the count for you as fast or slow as they want. Surefire way to get obliterated
I met a Trevor once catching up with one of my oldest and closest friends I hadn’t seen in months, guy just scowled at me all night. You could see the insecurity oozing out of his every pore
Take an hour out of your day to go get a coffee and talk it out with your ex, some people can’t move on without closure. I say this as someone who couldn’t move on without closure
Saturday is my last day off until May so I’m taking this news as proof of a higher power
Not to mention there’s always one guy who manages to get away with not paying his dues and gets several rounds of free drinks, commonly referred to as a being a shitweasel
The phrase “rustle up” needs to have a bigger presence in the American lexicon
I got roped into a birthday brunch and then drinks in the city. I can already hear my bank account booing me from the rafters