There’s no such thing as growing up. All adults are just oversized babies who have no idea why we’re here but they see other oversized babies make little babies and live in an over priced box that they essentially rent from and oligarchic banking entity just to keep showing up to a shitty job everyday to pay for stupid shit that some voice on a TV told you, you need and then you finally lay all the bullshit off and there’s nothing left to do besides grow old to the point where you become infantile again and crap yourself except you can’t remember the last 82 years and there is no future to look forward to so they just pump you full of meds so you slip into a sweet senility until you go back into a little hole except it’s made of dirt instead of pussy flesh.
“I’m pregnant and you’re not the father but the eggs here are delicious lol…I’m talking about the ones you actually eat from chickens, not this sludge spewing future moron that’s not gonna do shit to save the world that’s just living rent free in my uterus.”
If your state allows it, get a medical marijuana card then take orders from your friends and then hit the dispensary. Make sure to mark up 25% (this is a business). You want to be compensated for your time being spent in long lines and your gas to get there and back. You also want to be compensated for assessing and taking the risk to do it but then again, when you have your card you’re allowed to have 10 ounces on you per every 60 days so start making the system work for you. This is fucking America and it’s the greatest country for a reason!
Guys, what if I have a solid opportunity/job interview tomorrow and I have no more vacation time for the rest of the year? Do I bang in a sick day and say fuck it? I think so…
Absolutely agree. Every politician should be assassinated upon swearing in so we can start to live in a world that doesn’t suck and makes sense and so masses of idiots have nothing left to talk about.
Wow dude, standing O right there. For real. Hey everyone, I know it’s Friday night and you’re trying to drink to forget about your shitty existence but read this and learn something before you become a former shell of yourself idly passing through your own life
Just trying to keep up with the Jonse’s so I can surpass them in life and then mercilessly make them feel inferior before I get their house foreclosed on and smear their reputation in the media forcing them to be put in witness protection, then they’ll go find God or some lame shit like that and then the priest will touch their sons ween further perpetuating the downward spiral of this god damn mystery family that everyone has been trying to keep up with like a carrot dangles in our faces while we run on a treadmill.
Can we bring back the Operation Northwoods Report now and maybe use it to our advantage? Oh wait, that already happened in 2001…I’ll shut up now, you guys were supposed to know that. Fuck
But your listicles are what brought me tranquility, they talked me off the ledge and made me want to be somebody in this world and on this site…..I need to know the 10 best cities for millennials to poop in or the 10 best cities for weeping in your car alone after a lobster dinner
Sell drugs, download the Acorns app and invest your transaction change variances into an investment portfolio, do odd jobs like work the corner in Saturday nights, drive Uber, kill someone for at least $500k, make a mini submarine and do one giant coke run and then go incognito. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it
You’re both so wrong. The only point of college is to drop lots of LSD and realize that once these 4 years are over, your life becomes one sad boring syndication of an unfunny family comedy on repeat for like 50 years and then you get a couple of rounds of gold in before your colonoscopy to then find out you and you’re existence have been full of shit the entire time and nothing should be how it is.
Dave, I give lots of shits about this shit. Let me shoot a lookbook for Man Outfitters or Rowdy Gentleman because that’s what I do. Get at me, you guys need dope photography content.
That was for me…damn, it feels good to be back!
There’s no such thing as growing up. All adults are just oversized babies who have no idea why we’re here but they see other oversized babies make little babies and live in an over priced box that they essentially rent from and oligarchic banking entity just to keep showing up to a shitty job everyday to pay for stupid shit that some voice on a TV told you, you need and then you finally lay all the bullshit off and there’s nothing left to do besides grow old to the point where you become infantile again and crap yourself except you can’t remember the last 82 years and there is no future to look forward to so they just pump you full of meds so you slip into a sweet senility until you go back into a little hole except it’s made of dirt instead of pussy flesh.
“Welcome to Moe’ssssssssss!!!”
“I’m pregnant and you’re not the father but the eggs here are delicious lol…I’m talking about the ones you actually eat from chickens, not this sludge spewing future moron that’s not gonna do shit to save the world that’s just living rent free in my uterus.”
If your state allows it, get a medical marijuana card then take orders from your friends and then hit the dispensary. Make sure to mark up 25% (this is a business). You want to be compensated for your time being spent in long lines and your gas to get there and back. You also want to be compensated for assessing and taking the risk to do it but then again, when you have your card you’re allowed to have 10 ounces on you per every 60 days so start making the system work for you. This is fucking America and it’s the greatest country for a reason!
Guys, what if I have a solid opportunity/job interview tomorrow and I have no more vacation time for the rest of the year? Do I bang in a sick day and say fuck it? I think so…
Guys, I’m kidding. Vote for me. Obv
Absolutely agree. Every politician should be assassinated upon swearing in so we can start to live in a world that doesn’t suck and makes sense and so masses of idiots have nothing left to talk about.
Wow dude, standing O right there. For real. Hey everyone, I know it’s Friday night and you’re trying to drink to forget about your shitty existence but read this and learn something before you become a former shell of yourself idly passing through your own life
Just trying to keep up with the Jonse’s so I can surpass them in life and then mercilessly make them feel inferior before I get their house foreclosed on and smear their reputation in the media forcing them to be put in witness protection, then they’ll go find God or some lame shit like that and then the priest will touch their sons ween further perpetuating the downward spiral of this god damn mystery family that everyone has been trying to keep up with like a carrot dangles in our faces while we run on a treadmill.
Can we bring back the Operation Northwoods Report now and maybe use it to our advantage? Oh wait, that already happened in 2001…I’ll shut up now, you guys were supposed to know that. Fuck
But your listicles are what brought me tranquility, they talked me off the ledge and made me want to be somebody in this world and on this site…..I need to know the 10 best cities for millennials to poop in or the 10 best cities for weeping in your car alone after a lobster dinner
Sell drugs, download the Acorns app and invest your transaction change variances into an investment portfolio, do odd jobs like work the corner in Saturday nights, drive Uber, kill someone for at least $500k, make a mini submarine and do one giant coke run and then go incognito. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it
Now I have to.
You’re both so wrong. The only point of college is to drop lots of LSD and realize that once these 4 years are over, your life becomes one sad boring syndication of an unfunny family comedy on repeat for like 50 years and then you get a couple of rounds of gold in before your colonoscopy to then find out you and you’re existence have been full of shit the entire time and nothing should be how it is.
Sparknotes but for like stuff that’s not as long or as difficult to read as books
Coming up next week: “10 Cities With The Best Sightseeing Views Before You Kill Yourself”
Slavery was never outlawed, it just got more advanced, widespread, and it stopped being discriminatory. Come on! God damnit!!
Dave, I give lots of shits about this shit. Let me shoot a lookbook for Man Outfitters or Rowdy Gentleman because that’s what I do. Get at me, you guys need dope photography content.
I’m here, my son!