There’s nothing like pouring off-brand syrup on off-brand Eggo waffles to remind you that your college degree was abso-fucking-lutely worth it. PGP.

Pretending to take a call when you rip a huge fart at your cube so no one comes over to talk to you. PGP.

Taking personal advantage of Fathers’ Day sales because you need them more than your old man. PGP.

“Show me the law where it says we can’t make interns do wall-sits.” PGP.

Flirting with the call center lady who is sending me a new credit card because she’s the only woman I’ve talked to all day. PGP.

An absolutely horrific day of golf is still better than a good day in the office. PGP.

Your left arm being a little tanner than your right arm from spending so much time in the car during rush hour. PGP.

Black coffee. Black pants. Black laptop. Black pen. Black soul. PGP.

So what you’re to telling me is that eating leftover Chipotle in bed on a Friday night isn’t turning up? PGP.

I’m not starting work until I’m done being hungover. PGP.