Using unexpected birthday money on Tupperware and bath towels. PGP.

When being itchy means it’s time to wash your sheets again. PGP.

Scratch offs and lottery tickets seem like my only hope. PGP.

Making the wardrobe transformation from “business professional” to “homeless person” as soon as you get home. PGP.

Watching all these Ice Bucket Challenges make me glad I don’t have that many friends anymore. PGP.

My last day at my job is in ten days, my password expires in six. PGP.

Having more sex in one day than you did in the past year. PGP.

That 25-minute early morning poop/Tinder sesh starting your day off right. PGP.