I had a six-pack in high school. Never thought I could have back fat. PGP.

The smell of burnt popcorn supernaturally penetrating every wall in the entire building. PGP.

Blowing through all your Candy Crush lives within the first 30 minutes of work. PGP.

Speaking in so much jargon that your own wife can’t understand you. PGP.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t make me give a flying fuck again. PGP.

Having dozens of ways to improve the company that you never share with anyone. PGP.

Coveting every single vacation day like Sméagol coveted The Ring. PGP.

Legitimately considering rioting when the vending machine prices increase. PGP.

Wishing that you didn’t have to rely so heavily on alcohol to get through the week. PGP.