For the messy BF, there’s going to be no change until he acknowledges it’s a problem and he wants to make an effort to improve. He needs to understand that it’s important for your mental health and your opinion of him as a whole.
I’m the messier one in my relationship, and I saw it was putting a strain on my husband so that’s why I’ve worked to improve. We created a chore chart and blocked off 15 minutes on our calendar every day for cleaning. I gave him the ability to, whenever he saw my clothes on the floor, make me stop whatever I was doing and immediately address it. We hired a maid to come in every 6 weeks for a deeper clean. It will take time, but if he’s willing to make a change, it can happen.
My then BF and I phrased it as a safety issue. It’s either I live alone downtown where I’ll be walking to and from work in the dark during a lot of the year, or he’s living with me and will know almost instantly if I didn’t arrive home. And will be able to accompany me on grocery runs and such.
Pro tip to the pre-engaged Catholic girl: If you are planning to get married in the Church, make sure you’ve met with the priest for wedding prep/counseling a couple of times BEFORE you move in with each other. One of the things they ask at the beginning is where you live. If you’re living together, many priests will refuse to marry you unless you separate living locations until the wedding. So give two addresses at the beginning, then don’t mention to him that you’ve moved in together later.
It would be very difficult to get a priest to agree to marry you during an elopement without extenuating circumstances. In general, for a priest to marry you requires lots of counseling sessions, overnight retreats, validity of the marriage review, etc. The Church considers marriage a holy sacrament and it is treated with intense preparation like the other sacraments. So if she eloped and didn’t get married by a priest, then it wouldn’t be a real marriage in her father’s eyes. Thus not solving the problem.
Cartoon couples from our childhood always go over well. Fred and Daphne (or any other scooby pairing), the Flintstones, Cosmo and Wanda, Minnie and Mickey.
Another time we did Jack & Coke. I made an elaborate coco-cola top and tutu and he just wore a Jack D Whiskey shirt with jeans. Just keep it simple for the guy and he’ll go along with it.
I’ve had it for 4 years and love it. My parents happily sleep on it when they visit. It has storage. You will find nothing else in your price range which will be as functional.
BB&B is overpriced and low quality. If you are looking for cheap stuff that’s good enough to get you by, go to Ikea. I use their $1 wine glasses daily. If you’re looking to invest in nicer goods you’ll have for a long time, department stores like Macy’s typically carry higher quality goods and they are always having 50% or more off sales.
There is no longer any rule about who pays for the wedding. It’s what the collective family thinks is best / financially feasible. I’ve been to weddings where is was 100% the couple, 100% the bride’s parents, 100% the groom’s parents, and most times a combination of all 3. I know two separate couples that paid 100%, but the parents let the couple live rent and expenses free in their house for a year so they can save all their money to pay for it.
What I have noticed, however, is ‘pay to get a say’. Many times I’ve seen a couple being told they are 100% responcible, but when they start making choices the parents don’t like, the parents then step in and offer money so they can get a say in the planning. I know 3 couples that were planning to elope to save money, but that’s not what the parents wanted. Thus the parents ended up paying for a large portion of it to ensure a big wedding where their friends could attend.
But did your dad have to be baptized? I recently had a catholic wedding. I had to prove my protestant groom was baptized. The documents given to me clearly stated the church will allow inter-christian faith (protestant/orthodox) marriages but not ones to those not baptized in Christ (Jews, Muslims, etc.).
It’s more than how often you’ll want to see the parents. It’s where they live and how far you’re willing to go to visit them. My sister (who lives in a major city in the South) recently broke up with a guy because his parents lived on a ranch in South Dakota. “There is no way I’m spending my future Christmas holidays in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cows and snow.”
I was living in the south. I got married and my husband lived on the west coast. Moving due to a spouse is a reason most employers will support. I just kept saying we hadn’t made a decision on who was making the move when I should have been honest in that I was the one who was moving. Would have saved us half a year apart.
I liked my job well enough but I had been in it long enough that it was time for a change. I did approach my management about remote options and looked into transferring because we had a small office out there. They wouldn’t allow work remote, but my VP sent out requests to that team for a transfer. Nothing just worked out. I’m in a better role now so in the long run it was for the best.
I was in serious Stage 3 and everyone on my team knew I was looking to get out so I could move to a new city due to personal reasons. But I just kept giving vague answers to my boss when he asked if I made the decision to stay or go. After 6 months of looking for a new job and it not working out, I decided to just quit and hope my chances were better after I moved. I had a great boss and I should have been honest to him up front about my desire to move. When I gave him my 2 weeks and told him I didn’t have something lined up, he said “let me make some calls.” In one week he got me an interview at my preferred company in the new city and I got the offer letter a week after.
Most grocery stores deliver now. If you don’t like the ‘grocery store experience’, you don’t have to go. Just order online and get your food in an hour or two.
I was in the same boat as Jersey Shore guy last year. I got sick after a week at Disney World and I knew my coworkers wouldn’t believe me. So I got dressed and made my husband drive me into work due to the fact that I was too delirious to do so myself. He waited in the parking lot and about 10 minutes later I hopped back into the car. One look at me and my boss demanded I go home and rest. Was allowed three days to recover.
Third. My (now) husband and I were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and one of the best things we decided to do was travel. We ended going on 4 trips in a 6 month span to places neither of us had been too. And we made them all different, like hiking the Grand Canyon to doing an all inclusive in Cancun. You get to see the other person in a new light and it will help confirm whether or not this is the person you want to continue to do things like this with.
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You know you could have just frozen the salmon and eaten it on another day when you were in the mood.
For the messy BF, there’s going to be no change until he acknowledges it’s a problem and he wants to make an effort to improve. He needs to understand that it’s important for your mental health and your opinion of him as a whole.
I’m the messier one in my relationship, and I saw it was putting a strain on my husband so that’s why I’ve worked to improve. We created a chore chart and blocked off 15 minutes on our calendar every day for cleaning. I gave him the ability to, whenever he saw my clothes on the floor, make me stop whatever I was doing and immediately address it. We hired a maid to come in every 6 weeks for a deeper clean. It will take time, but if he’s willing to make a change, it can happen.
My then BF and I phrased it as a safety issue. It’s either I live alone downtown where I’ll be walking to and from work in the dark during a lot of the year, or he’s living with me and will know almost instantly if I didn’t arrive home. And will be able to accompany me on grocery runs and such.
Pro tip to the pre-engaged Catholic girl: If you are planning to get married in the Church, make sure you’ve met with the priest for wedding prep/counseling a couple of times BEFORE you move in with each other. One of the things they ask at the beginning is where you live. If you’re living together, many priests will refuse to marry you unless you separate living locations until the wedding. So give two addresses at the beginning, then don’t mention to him that you’ve moved in together later.
It would be very difficult to get a priest to agree to marry you during an elopement without extenuating circumstances. In general, for a priest to marry you requires lots of counseling sessions, overnight retreats, validity of the marriage review, etc. The Church considers marriage a holy sacrament and it is treated with intense preparation like the other sacraments. So if she eloped and didn’t get married by a priest, then it wouldn’t be a real marriage in her father’s eyes. Thus not solving the problem.
Yes! Finally! My mom was the most insufferable part of my wedding planning. I have been waiting for her mother to be the same.
Cartoon couples from our childhood always go over well. Fred and Daphne (or any other scooby pairing), the Flintstones, Cosmo and Wanda, Minnie and Mickey.
Another time we did Jack & Coke. I made an elaborate coco-cola top and tutu and he just wore a Jack D Whiskey shirt with jeans. Just keep it simple for the guy and he’ll go along with it.
Umm… where’s Leo?
HOLMSUND from Ikea
I’ve had it for 4 years and love it. My parents happily sleep on it when they visit. It has storage. You will find nothing else in your price range which will be as functional.
BB&B is overpriced and low quality. If you are looking for cheap stuff that’s good enough to get you by, go to Ikea. I use their $1 wine glasses daily. If you’re looking to invest in nicer goods you’ll have for a long time, department stores like Macy’s typically carry higher quality goods and they are always having 50% or more off sales.
There is no longer any rule about who pays for the wedding. It’s what the collective family thinks is best / financially feasible. I’ve been to weddings where is was 100% the couple, 100% the bride’s parents, 100% the groom’s parents, and most times a combination of all 3. I know two separate couples that paid 100%, but the parents let the couple live rent and expenses free in their house for a year so they can save all their money to pay for it.
What I have noticed, however, is ‘pay to get a say’. Many times I’ve seen a couple being told they are 100% responcible, but when they start making choices the parents don’t like, the parents then step in and offer money so they can get a say in the planning. I know 3 couples that were planning to elope to save money, but that’s not what the parents wanted. Thus the parents ended up paying for a large portion of it to ensure a big wedding where their friends could attend.
But did your dad have to be baptized? I recently had a catholic wedding. I had to prove my protestant groom was baptized. The documents given to me clearly stated the church will allow inter-christian faith (protestant/orthodox) marriages but not ones to those not baptized in Christ (Jews, Muslims, etc.).
It’s more than how often you’ll want to see the parents. It’s where they live and how far you’re willing to go to visit them. My sister (who lives in a major city in the South) recently broke up with a guy because his parents lived on a ranch in South Dakota. “There is no way I’m spending my future Christmas holidays in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cows and snow.”
I was living in the south. I got married and my husband lived on the west coast. Moving due to a spouse is a reason most employers will support. I just kept saying we hadn’t made a decision on who was making the move when I should have been honest in that I was the one who was moving. Would have saved us half a year apart.
I liked my job well enough but I had been in it long enough that it was time for a change. I did approach my management about remote options and looked into transferring because we had a small office out there. They wouldn’t allow work remote, but my VP sent out requests to that team for a transfer. Nothing just worked out. I’m in a better role now so in the long run it was for the best.
I was in serious Stage 3 and everyone on my team knew I was looking to get out so I could move to a new city due to personal reasons. But I just kept giving vague answers to my boss when he asked if I made the decision to stay or go. After 6 months of looking for a new job and it not working out, I decided to just quit and hope my chances were better after I moved. I had a great boss and I should have been honest to him up front about my desire to move. When I gave him my 2 weeks and told him I didn’t have something lined up, he said “let me make some calls.” In one week he got me an interview at my preferred company in the new city and I got the offer letter a week after.
Most grocery stores deliver now. If you don’t like the ‘grocery store experience’, you don’t have to go. Just order online and get your food in an hour or two.
My husband’s grandparents were married 72 years. When I caught their side conversations, it was usually Grandpa telling his wife how pretty she was.
I was in the same boat as Jersey Shore guy last year. I got sick after a week at Disney World and I knew my coworkers wouldn’t believe me. So I got dressed and made my husband drive me into work due to the fact that I was too delirious to do so myself. He waited in the parking lot and about 10 minutes later I hopped back into the car. One look at me and my boss demanded I go home and rest. Was allowed three days to recover.
Third. My (now) husband and I were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and one of the best things we decided to do was travel. We ended going on 4 trips in a 6 month span to places neither of us had been too. And we made them all different, like hiking the Grand Canyon to doing an all inclusive in Cancun. You get to see the other person in a new light and it will help confirm whether or not this is the person you want to continue to do things like this with.