Lying that you’re younger to girls at the bar, and lying that you’re older at client meetings. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

My last day at my job is in ten days, my password expires in six. PGP.

Considering rubbing one out in the office bathroom just to pass the time. PGP.

Seriously neglecting routine auto maintenance.