The weekly “Let’s quit our jobs and open a bar” chat on instant messenger following the weekend.

Don’t want to spend the $20 to delete my Ashley Madison account. PGP

Coworker just used the term “pound” instead of hashtag when referring to a Tweet. PGP

Heard a co-worker snoring in the bathroom stall 2 days in a row now. PGP

Got caught pressing the door close button on the elevator. PGP

“We’ve gotta open a business so we can be our own boss.” PGP

“Can you [insert impossible last minute task] by EOD tomorrow? Thanks!” PGP

I frequently walk home blackout from the bars to save money. PGP

My only Tinder match for the week has been the Bud Light Down for Whatever profile. PGP