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I’m not quite sure who you are yet, although I have my suspicions. There is an etiquette to the break room fridge and you have blatantly disregarded one of the principle rules. The first time it happened, I chalked it up as a rookie mistake. Maybe you confused that brown glass bottle for a Budweiser that shouldn’t have been there. The second time though, it wasn’t a mistake. It was an attack.
Stop throwing out my Kombucha, you fucking degenerate.
What I find so difficult to understand is why you would go for my ‘bucha, which had only just recently found its home nestled among packed lunches, when there are so many other nasty objects that have been in the fridge since this office building opened. Was every expired bottle of salad dressing and the half-drank can of generic brand Dr. Pepper really worth more to you than my $5-a-bottle tea?
I get that you may have rolled your eyes at this trendy beverage. It smells a little gross, and the idea of drinking something fermented that isn’t alcohol is understandably unappealing to some. The thing is, though, I wasn’t trying to force you or anyone else to partake in consuming this product. It did not affect you in any way. I’m not a big fan of mayonnaise, but you don’t see me throwing out people’s lunches if they bring in a sandwich. You know why I don’t? Because I respect my co-workers and their property, unlike someone in this office.
Was this a premeditated attack? Perhaps you were retaliating for the mean email I sent out to everyone asking that they stop sending me design requests on Saturday nights. If this is the case, kudos to you because you cut deep. I can’t even convey the grief I felt when I went into the break room ready to enjoy a crisp Kevita and found it tossed out with the early lunch crowd slop. Disgusting.
You have forced me to take a long lunch now, so I can go to Starbucks for a replacement designer drink. Plus, I need a little time away from this place to cool off and get my head level. I was ready to physically fight someone in the employee parking lot, and I need to come down from that adrenaline high.
Please note that I will be filling out a request for the business office to supply me a private mini fridge at my desk. I also feel that, considering the situation, I should receive compensation in the form of a regular Kombucha allowance. I could sue for harassment but HR can buy my silence with probiotics.
I work really hard to make sure it looks like I’m working hard, and sometimes a mid-day treat is all I have to look forward to. Once I know without a doubt who you are, I will make sure you know what it feels like to have your only pleasure stripped from you with no notice. Watch your six because I’m coming for you and any food or drink you bring into the workplace.
Karma’s a bitch, and so is a girl without her Kombucha. .
Image via Instagram
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Kell
future soccer mom of America (AKA I drive a Volvo.) Miracle is my favorite movie and it should be yours too.
@backpackfanclub
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“I work really hard to make sure it looks like I’m working hard” – Every single person on this site.
While I’m not entirely sure what Kombucha is, throwing out anything in the office fridge that isn’t yours is a dick move.
It’s basically fermented plant urine that some earthy, crunchy corporations sell to promote and hide behind a healthy lifestyle while also profiting off of a placebo effect while most of their manufacturing facilities are in 3rd world countries that operate under shady employment/environmental laws. Stick to coffee, at least they don’t try to hide the fact that they exploit labor workers for profit and aid in drugging up most of the world’s workforce lol
lol
The title was a rare opportunity to use “whomever” without sounding pretentious.
In all serious, there is nothing more infuriating than losing office food. My prayers are with you.
Duda probably stole it
Check for Birkenstock prints
“Please note that I will be filling out a request for the business office to supply me a private mini fridge at my desk. “ PGP power move.
You’re off to a good start here Kell keep it up
Pro tip: while Kombucha is a good source of probiotics, you should check out probiotic pills. Kombucha only has one or two strains at a lower amount. Probiotic pills often have more strains and more overall active cultures. Keep them in the fridge/freezer though.
Hey as far as the cost I’ve been making my own kombucha for 3 years now and I teach ya if your interested.
Sincerely,
Jeff. Jephro60@gmail.com
Thanks! I’ve tried to make it before, I had the scopy sitting on top of my fridge and it just really grossed me out. I’m more of a out of sight out of mind kind of person when it comes to Kombucha.
I don’t understand how people drink this stuff. It smells like my bathroom during one of my hangovers.
You should probably see a doctor…