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When you’re a young professional with a brand new paycheck burning a hole in your pocket, you’re probably going to upgrade your car or make a dumb purchase at Nordstrom that you’ll eventually regret. I know the feeling, as I once bought a sweater that could’ve been a down payment on a 2011 Ford Fusion. But most people in that position will (read: should) do the responsible thing and upgrade their living situation. No one buys houses anymore, so if you’re trying to flex your muscles within the social scene of your friends, you need to move into an apartment with the best amenities possible.
Now, when you hear “apartment” and “amenities,” you probably default to having a sick pool where you can spend summer Fridays tossing out Snapchat stories in an effort to make your office-locked friends jealous. There are several Washington D.C. residents who have just that, in addition to indoor basketball and bocce courts, rooftop dog parks and gardens, and even 400-gallon fish tanks like you’d see on MTV Cribs. But a new apartment building is taking things to the next millennial level in their attempts to attract “deep-pocketed” millennials – Uber waiting rooms.
Yes, waiting rooms for yuppie scum to lounge in while they wait for their Ubers. The apartment building, Vintage on 16th, is “designed for urban dwellers who don’t have cars.” A principal at the development company explained the move, and it really didn’t do anything for me in terms of justifying how stupid this idea actually is. He explained that the Uber Waiting Room is a “friendly moniker” with the intention of serving residents who also use other ridesharing options like Lyft. Because that really widens the scope of this waste of a room.
As described by The Washington Post, the actual lobby in this place sounds more than good enough to wait for an Uber in consiering it has plush couches and probably smells like woods you can’t afford. But the 260-square foot Uber room has couches, a television, and a view of the outside where hipster Jason will arrive in his Kia Sorrento. Considering the average Uber ride in D.C. is right between four and seven minutes, you can see why an apartment building would want to dedicate their precious real estate to something like this. After all, affluent 24-year-olds never keep their Uber drivers waiting while they finish getting dressed or take the final shots before going to a bar full of dudes wearing Patagonia vests and trucker hats.
If you’re looking to move into this place, fear not. There are 85 total units that start at a modest $2,000-per-month. And it was converted from a 100-year-old church which I’m sure wasn’t incredible looking before they tore it down. Luckily, they’re vowing to keep the church facade by building a tower around it. You know, as if the place wasn’t douchey enough as it is. .
[via Washington Post]