This Job Description For An Indiana Mortgage Group Might Be The Best Job Description Ever

This Job Description For An Indiana Mortgage Group Might Be The Best Job Description Ever

The Parker Mortgage Group in Noblesville, Indiana is looking for a Mortgage Underwriter. I know, I know, that’s not the sexiest sentence ever written. When you see the phrase “best job description ever,” it usually contains something like “Candice Swanepoel body latherer” or “lead margarita tester.”

But hear me out, because this job description from Indeed is electric.

Tired of your boring cubicle, sucking your will to live?
Start having fun for a living.

Ohhh, tell me more.

Our office is in a 140 yr old Flour mill and it most certainly doesn’t suck. We have a kegerator, a bourbon collection, and an Old English sheepdog puppy here everyday. We were voted one of the most interesting offices in the Indianapolis area by the Indy star.We also were awarded with the pride of Noblesville award for in general being pretty kick-ass. we are the top rated mortgage company on Zillow and just won the highest award that Angie’s list gives, the super service award. Oh yeah, and that whole #4 BEST FREAKING PLACE TO WORK IN THE STATE OF INDIANA thing! ! !

Being the “#4 Place To Work In Indiana” thing is kind of like being the hottest girl in the ugliest sorority, but hey, it’s something.

Honestly, though? You had me at sheepdog puppy.

We play hard and play hard, spotify is always running in the background, sometimes jamming out on Diva hour, and occasionally we have a boat day.
All expense paid annual trip to Mexico for employees with spouses invited every fall. And if you qualify, you get a annual sales trip to somewhere awesome. Last year was Key Largo. What was it your employer gave you last year? An embroidered polo? lame.

Can we negotiate the Mexico trip and perhaps move it to spring? You know, that whole college football thing throws a wrench in the plan. Besides, being in Indiana, we’ll probably all have cabin fever come March anyway.

This place is basically amazing. Don’t believe us? look us up on Facebook -If it sounds too good to be true, you have probably been brainwashed by someone with fluorescent lights and no soul. Call us before its too late for you.

Our team is full of top producers, and stallions run with stallions, not donkeys. If you want to work your ass of and make a small pile of cash doing so, hit us up.

If you think I’m not captioning every Instagram I post from here on out with “Stallions run with stallions,” you’re crazy.

Oh, and did I mention this job pays $80,000 a year? Get off your ass and apply before some other stallion takes it out from under you.

[via Indeed / @Lrubey]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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