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I am a 23-year-old single CPA that lives with her parents in NYC (yup, I know). So do I watch The Bachelorette with my dad every Monday? You bet. Am I in two Bachelorette fantasy leagues? Of course. Do I spend too much time on dating apps? Absolutely.
So the other night, in typical fashion, I watched TV and mindlessly swiped on Bumble for a little while. I did not stop to message any of the guys, leaving only myself to blame with the aftermath of my bumble swipe binge. The next day I had 75 expiring connections. 75 seemed like too many to let go to waste, but it also seemed like too many to actually go through and message. Not to mention I was horribly busy at work trying to figure out which Bachelorette contestant to draft next for my fantasy team (oh, and auditing. I was busy with that too, boss).
That’s when it hit me. I know I’m no JoJo Fletcher, and these guys aren’t exactly the next Shawn Booth. But maybe one of these guys could help me pick the guy who would win JoJo’s heart this season and rack up a ton of points in my fantasy leagues. So I crafted a standard message: “I need your help. Thoughts on who’s going to win the Bachelorette this season? My fantasy league depends on it.” And then copied and pasted it to all of my 75 expiring connections. The results, well, here they are:
1. The hotter one
2. John? Brian? Matt? Mike? Another classically American monosyllabic name
3. I have no clue I’ve never seen it, sorry to disappoint you
4. Jordan Rodgers seems like the favorite, but his ex gf called him a cheater on IG after the episode. So it’s anyone’s game IMO
5. I hear jordan has it
6. Chad
7. I’d be happy to answer that question when I’m not doing other more useful things in my day, but I’d have to guess Tiffany, she’s a go getter
8. I don’t place bets on fake shows.
9. Aaron Rodger’s brother
10. You know I’ve been following this really intently so I’m very confident in my answer. Im gonna go out on a limb and say the winner will be the handsome one
11. Well the watercooler chatter at the office seems to be in favor of Luke
12. That guy who got the first rose
13. I have never seen that show but I’d be down to meet up sometime if you’re interested
14. Obviously Jordan, is the favorite right now, but his ex put him on blast on instagram. Shot in the dark, Bobby or James S
15. It’s the blonde one! Or the brunette! Is this the pinnacle of your sports betting career or do you have like a tontine going for the biggest loser?
16. Jordan Rodgers of course former NCAA qb I think at vandy bro is Aaron Rodgers former map of the league bet the house on Jordan
17. Couldn’t help ya with that one
18. If there’s a Maggie on the show I’d say her because it’s a cute name
19. Alex, Luke, Robby. In no particular order.
20. The obvious front runner is Jordan Rodgers, she was clearly the most into him and the “this season on” preview made it clear he makes a deep run,. And his brother has delivered time and time again, so I think he’s a safe bet. It has to run in the family
21. Never seen it unfortunately
22. I’m #teamjordan all the way. How did you know I watch though? it’s a secret
23. The one the looks the most like me, probably
24. I really wish I could help but I’m afraid you’re asking the wrong person
25. It’s probably going to be Derek or Grant. Both of them look like squares if you ask me. Wells is a pretty good looking guy, but he also looks like a burnout.
26. She said she liked bad boys so maybe Chad, But I think he’s too crazy though. Jordan is an obvious pick, and Luke is a bit mysterious so he could go far too.
27. Haha no idea. So not my world
28. When it comes to the bachelorette, we all lose. But knowing nothing about the show, I think Chase or Alex.
29. lol I can take a poll from the sisters and come back with an answer. // Waiting on the sister pool but I think I’m going to go with Rob
30. I’m going to win so I can be in your fantasy 😉
31. My thoughts are that you are with the enemy. I work for PWC
32. I have literally never watched it
33. James will win
34. Hahah cant help you there, is there really a bachelorette fantasy league?
35. I think shows like that are terrible. They’re the leading cause of other countries believing that we’re all just a bunch of retards
36. I can guarantee you I will be no help with that.
37. Im gonna go with Alex, but Wells is my dark horse. I see wells as one of the wacky guys who sticks around long enough to be endearing. Though when have you seen a Marine lose in ANYTHING?
38. jojo all the way
39. Oh definitely Alex. And I know what you’re thinking. “Alex, not really a sexy choice here. He can compete but not win. “let me interject though, sometimes it isn’t about a flashy stats and a trophy room. Alex is a model of consistency with sound fundamentals. I know the Alex I can expect shows up every week, no surprises there. His work ethic and never quit attitude make him the sleeper pick in any 2016 draft.
So thanks for playing Bumble boys. Looks like I’ll be drafting Jordan, Alex, Luke, Derek, and Grant; questioning how I’m still single; and desperately wishing I had matched with CrickWatsonMD instead of most of these guys.
(But seriously, Crick, will you accept this rose?) .
Image via YouTube
Respond
@mags1221
75 matches in one night?
Sup
When a girl carelessly right swipes as much as a man, you can expect some serious numbers.
Don’t ruin this for me.
Girl in NYC, it’s not too surprising. Doesn’t mean I’m not jealous
I’m all in on Jordan. He has repented for his past sins.
I had 20 matches total. Jesus
I’m disappointed none of them commented “Well PGP…”
Decided to watch because you guys post enough articles about it. I’m going Jordan or Robby, but that Luke guy will probably go deep too.
Clearly nobody looks at the spoilers. The person who won, and the top 4 are easily searched.
CPA at 23….nice
Why is it so hard for some of them to just humor you? Of course most of them don’t watch it but they can still take 5 seconds to come up with a witty response!
Probably the same reason many people (women included) won’t even text back: because they’re not interested in you enough to care.