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The candle adorning the middle of the table flickered while their conversation weaved between the seriousness of her ending her funemployment and some red wine-fueled banter about which one of their friends would get engaged next. They had differing opinions on the matter, but neither fully divulged their true thoughts considering she thought it would be her and Todd thought it would be her ex-boyfriend, Trip. As the conversation continued, it became clearer and clearer how the other felt but neither felt like making a scene.
“Can I get you anything else?” their waiter asked after softly approaching. “Another glass of wine? A nightcap? The dessert menu?”
Immediately upon him finishing the words “dessert” and “menu,” her eyes transitioned from looking up to the waiter and were suddenly transfixed on Todd who had a look on his face that said, “This clearly isn’t up to me.”
With her forehead down and a bit lip, she gazed at Todd before asking, “Would it be so bad of me to want dessert?”
“Whatever you want, babe,” Todd replied while already adding up the dinner’s total in his head.
Turning her attention back to the waiter, she told him, “I thiiiiiink we’re going to take a dessert menu.”
At this point, Todd had calculated the total to have already eclipsed 125 dollars, so adding a dessert to their tab actually seemed like a cheaper and more reasonable option than ordering another round of drinks. “Look at you,” he told her while she checked her phone. “It’s not like you to order dessert.”
Setting her phone back in her clutch that rested on her lap next to her napkin, she replied, “Ugh, I know, this is so bad of me,” before commenting on how she had seen a brownie brought to a table nearby that looked “delish.”
Shortly thereafter, the waiter returned with a menu that listed five items: the aforementioned brownie, Bananas Foster, seasonal berries, crème brûlée, and peach cobbler. He placed it on the edge of the table for them both to peruse only for it to find its way into her clutches.
“I don’t think we should get anything,” she began despite actually wanting something and simply looking for a second opinion and some affirmation that dessert was actually a good idea. “Are you still hungry?”
Todd shrugged. Again, he knew that this wasn’t his decision and simply remarked, “Everything sounds so good – we could split.”
Her eyes again moved up and down the menu but remained fixated on the top menu item: the brownie. Turning to Todd for affirmation, she asked, “Like, how fat would you think I am if I order the brownie? Would it be weird to date a whale?”
Todd gave a fake chuckle wishing she’d make a decision as they were already overstaying the time of their reservation after showing up twenty minutes late in an Uber. He was torn by what to tell her – was she actually torn on whether or not to get something, or did she just want the extra nudge she needed in order to get what she wanted? He considered offering to split again but feared that she’d think he wanted to split purely to avoid her eating all of the calories.
When the waiter returned to their table, he asked simply, “Have we come to a decision here?”
Todd’s eyes immediately deferred to her and her lip again remained bitten with a look of indecision on her face. Slowly, she opened her mouth and asked, “How’s the brownie?”
“Delightful,” the waiter replied, “It’s our most popular dessert and would be perfect for two.”
“Perfect,” she said after another slight moment of deliberation, “I think we’ll take that.”
As the waiter took the dessert menu out of her hands and headed to the kitchen, she leaned forward with her elbows on the table and whispered to Todd, “Are you going to think I’m such a cow if I eat the whole thing?”
Todd laughed, and despite being unsure of how to respond simply told her, “I’ll finish whatever you can’t.” Todd’s biggest fear was that the brownie would come to the table and she’d only take one bite, thus spending 12 dollars on something that presumably came out of a box. He told her, yet again, that she was not “fat” for ordering a brownie.
But as they could see the waiter approaching the table with the plate in hand, she looked to Todd and said, “Ugh, I don’t even want this anymore. I’m going to be huge when we go to Cabo for Caroline’s bachelorette in two weeks.” .
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Honestly, Todd should probably consider killing himself.
That dessert menu does sound phenomenal though, tbh.
At this point, I would take this over another day with her.
Show some sack and get it done with.
The amount of overthinking that went into eating this god damn brownie gave me anxiety.
Also made me hungry
Sup
Read this during my lunch break, and now I’m craving a brownie…but they only got stale cookies here at Subway.
Just cut ties with someone uncannily similar to The Girl, and my head/wallet/life have never felt so free. You can do it Todd, take Sperry and run
Did you read this series in denial while you were with her?
asking the important questions here.
Been reading TGDAG since its inception…the relationship lasted 5 months mostly due to her being a dragon in the sack. But enough was enough, my brain and my budget couldn’t take it anymore…plus after a few months I realized she just wasn’t a nice person.
No joke, I stopped dating a girl right before the inception of TGDAG, and I thought Chill Defries was trolling me. The first 8 weeks couldn’t have been more similar to my relationship.
“Todd shrugged. Again, he knew that this wasn’t his decision…”
Their relationship in a nutshell. Jesus Christ, Todd is such a bitch. He deserves all this.
He is a bitch, but you don’t gotta bring me into this!
You’re the only one that can help Todd, Jesus! Help him vanquish Girl, who is Satan reincarnate, and free Todd and Sperry from her evil clutches.
Like I said below, i need prayers! No one is believing in me! Bill, you must show them who I am through your gift!
Hopefully Claire comes and pays Todd a visit while Girl is in Cabo.
She’s definitely not a whale.
Blowhole. Giggitty
What if he’s planning to move out while she’s in Cabo? Take Sperry and run.
The Chronicles of Todd: A Fresh Start – Turn it into a spinoff series of Todd’s life post breakup. The crossover potential would be amazing.
we already know todd is more entertaining after his trip to the derby
Exactly. Girl running into Todd and Claire out on a double date with Alex and Trip is a story I can only dream of.
I seriously thought this was going to be the dinner when Todd finally brought himself to say “look, this isn’t working anymore…”
Was waiting for that cliffhanger, Defries.
The fact that she has no idea about the value of a dollar is this girls biggest turnoff.
Todd been browsing thick chicks on the Hub and now Girl is trying to adapt.
Todd should have ordered another drink just to maintain his own sanity…