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“I don’t need a job right now,” she explained to Caroline as the waiter set down a bottle of hot sake. “I’ve, like, saved so much over the last year and I feel like I just need some time for me.”
Caroline poured them each a small glass before asking, “Wait, before you start, do you want the edamame or the spring rolls? Or do we just be so bad and get both?”
She hesitated before answering, barely able to hold back her coy smile. They both erupted laughing before Caroline caught the waiter leaving the table and promptly ordered both the edamame and the spring rolls.
“I totally get where you’re coming from,” Caroline responded. “I feel like you work so much and are so unappreciated there. And, like, you have a million things to do this summer anyway.”
Beaming with happiness, she nodded along with Caroline who was validating every thought she had regarding leaving her marketing job. They began planning out their monthly schedules through September — five weddings, three bachelorette parties, six different showers, and the Napa trip that Caroline and her new boyfriend, John, are now going on during Memorial Day as well.
She snickered before saying, “TBH, I’d probably get fired for all the time I’m going to take off anyway.”
Caroline leaned forward and put her hand on her arm — “Girl, I get it. Besides, your life wouldn’t have to be all weddings and showers. You could go on a mission trip to Africa, go wanderlust through Europe… like, the world is totally your oyster.”
“Remember last summer when I wanted to go to Central America or Machu Picchu? I’m still obsessed with doing that,” she further explained as their waiter set down the edamame and spring rolls.
Caroline poured a dish full of soy sauce and swiped her first soybean through it. She put it to her mouth and slid the beans out before closing her eyes saying, “Oh. My. God. Their edamame is, like, orgasmic it’s so good.” She peered over and asked what type of roll they wanted to split only to get interrupted.
“Wait, Caroline, speaking of orgasmic… how’s John?”
Again, they snickered. Their waiter stood behind them and rolled his eyes before walking away instead of asking if they were ready to order their rolls.
“Ugh,” Caroline grunted. “I knew you were going to ask me that the second the words came out of my mouth. But, like, he’s great. Things are so good.”
“Is it…” she lead on.
Caroline opened her mouth in fake shock. “Is it love, are you asking?”
She tilted her had back at Caroline and smiled, affirming that was exactly what she meant.
“I mean, I guess,” Caroline responded. “It’s not, like, a you-and-Todd thing yet but I’m not saying it won’t become that. But ugh, where is our fucking waiter? The service here is usually amaze but this guy sucks.”
They continued to discuss Todd and John at length while excitedly discussing next month’s trip to Napa. And after deciding on their sushi rolls (“Anything that doesn’t have cream cheese in it,” Caroline pleaded), they ordered a bottle of red wine per the recommendation of the waiter after they each attempted to order single glasses of the same $12 Bordeaux.
After discussing the wine bar they’d go to after sushi, they reverted back to her “funemployment,” as they began to call it. Worried about Todd’s reaction, she didn’t want to bring it up in terms of him. Unfortunately, Caroline inquired with no hesitation.
“Soooo what does Todd think about you quitting your job? He gonna be your sugar daddy?” Caroline jokingly (but not joking at all) inquired.
“Oh, lord, he won’t have to worry about that for a few years still,” she assured Caroline. “But, like, he’s probably going to fucking lecture me again about my living situation because he thinks it’s so stupid for me to move and he thinks it’s absurd that my dad still pays for half of my rent.”
Caroline expressed how ridiculous it would be to turn down someone offering to pay for half of your rent before having a lightbulb moment — “I mean, y’all could just move in together and kill so many birds with one stone.”
She sat back, looked at Caroline, and took a sip of her wine. Raising her eye brows, she responded, “Maybe someone should tell him that. Like…oh, I don’t know… John?” .
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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John: “Dude do not fucking move in with her”
Todd (for reasons unknown to men everywhere): I don’t know man it seems like a good idea
She’s like, crazy good in bed though. Even better than Alex
Caroline has turned from everybody’s fun, booze loving, IDGAF girl to The Protagonists’ confidant and an equally insufferable girl. I don’t like this change. #MakeCarolineGreatAgain
You still would though.
We all hit rock bottom at some point in our lives.
I’m still half convinced that she’s some evil mastermind who is just trolling the protagonist and making everything infinitely worse intentionally. That’s what I like to believe anyway.
Maybe Caroline is secretly in cahoots with Alex and Tripp to take Protagonist down.
Don’t be a dick, John.
Friends don’t let Todd make bad decisions.
They can’t seem to stop him, either.
If what the Girl and Todd have is “love,” then I never want to be in love.
In all honesty, Todd could move in with her if her dad is still going to pay half the rent. Could be a great way to save some money quick before disappearing forever. I don’t know though, I don’t know how relationships work so I’m just spitballin here.
Lol. Disappear? You think this bitch wouldn’t find him?!
This is the kind of situation Todd and John have dug themselves so deep in, the only way out is to fake their deaths, take the life insurance, and become owners of a 3rd world strip club, living on the beach in a villa with barrio babes.
Tripp would definitely want in on this plan too.
Where did Finn go?
You sir just gave me my new life plan
I had to keep checking my calendar to remind myself it was Wednesday… Thanks for the scaries Chill….
” like, the world is totally your oyster.”
Can’t tell if Caroline is purposely doing this to destroy her or if she really is this awful.
I’m still trying to imagine a world in which I would start dating a girl, and then tell her friend’s boyfriend that he should move in with his girlfriend. #JohnProbs
My fiance is trying to get me to tell her friends boyfriend to propose. Can’t do it.
Keep fighting the good fight, Porter.
I’ve had that conversation! It goes:
“[My girl] wants me to tell you to propose to [your girl]”
“That’s stupid”
“Yes it is.”
*continue drinking*
She wants to move in… We want him to move on.