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After doing a wine tasting and putting myself into a barbecue coma, I had the pleasure of going back to the bar where I made a killing on Saturday night. No, not for a drink, but to do one of the most dreaded things in the history of hangovers – pick up my card from the night before.
I showed ID to walk in, struggled to get the attention of the bartender, and finally had her searching through a stack of what appeared to be hundreds of cards. While I waited at the bar, I dumped my entire wallet out and saw the very card I was looking for. It had been in my wallet the entire time.
Did I feel stupid? Of course. But reading through the worst things our readers did this weekend made me feel a lot better about it.
I got home from the bars, ordered Dominos, and watched Rudy until 5am. I realized how stupid and cheesy the movie was and couldn’t believe how much I used to like it, but still drunkenly cried at the end.
He was offsides, but yeah, decent movie.
Made a group chat with me, a guy Ive hooked up with literally only twice, and one of my friends so we could both sext him. Deleted the messages from my phone but sadly not my mind.
Wait, am I missing something here? You had a three-way group chat with a guy you’ve messed around with a bit? Even if you spent the night mainlining vodka-sodas into your system, I don’t understand how that could ever possibly be a good idea.
Oh, and the subject of this email was “Euthanize Me,” so yeah, she’s in a bad place.
I blacked out and put $100 on black. Then I cried when it landed on red. It wasn’t tight…
As far as gambling debts go, $100 is just a drop in an ocean-sized well.
Poop my pants a little on Sunday morning.
I mean, not idea but even Kris Jenner does that every once in a while.
Gross.
im not a club guy at all, but got dragged to one for someones birthday saturday night. found the one tv in the entire place and was very active in my cheering for UNC. made friends with other non-club guys who would’ve rather been at a dive bar watching. got very drunk and celebrated the win by buying a round of patron for everyone who cheered with me. the tab was the same as my car payment.
That’s why I don’t go to the club. One knee-jerk decision can cost you way, way more than you want to spend. I’m not trying to fish myself out of debt because I got lost in the sauce at Rio.
Got way too drunk at a wine festival and shattered my phone screen within the first hour. Then spent my Sunday at 16 restaurant an all you can eat macaroni and cheese cook off. My body hates me.
A shattered screen can make even the most relaxing of weekends feel like absolute hell. Even just seeing someone with a shattered screen spikes my heart rate a bit.
My scaries are normally nothing to write home about, but while driving home alone after a weekend with friends, my brain decided that now was the time to start mentally preparing for my parents’ deaths. They are in their early fifties and in fine health. I have no explanation. I also got an email from Personal Capital saying that my spending was 2k higher than this time last month, so I’ve been obsessively reviewing transactions all night. Talk me down.
It’s the “Did I Kill Someone Last Night?” Syndrome. Even if nothing has gone wrong or will go wrong, your Scaries will trick you into thinking something monumentally terrible has or will happen. “Did I kill someone last night?” you ask yourself when, in reality, all you did was blackout at a bar and forget your card there.
Or, you know, maybe that card is still in your wallet. .
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Will
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I was hankering so badly for a cigarette on Saturday night that I took a puff of a still-lit Marlboro lite that I found under a bush next to the sidewalk. Not one of my best moments.
I don’t know if I should be proud of your ingenuity or disappointed in your desperation.
C. All of the above
I saw a homeless guy do a similar thing last week.
I’ve taken one out of an ashtray before… Definitely feel your shame.
Booked a non-refundable three thousand dollar ticket to Argentina after downing 10 vodka sodas on Thursday. I booked tickets for the week before grad school finals — I can’t go, and spent ALL of my savings.
Oh good gracious
How does a plane ticket to Argentina cost 3k?
I live in the middle of nowhere and only two airlines fly out of our very small airport, so it’s super expensive. Also, I booked on Thursday a flight that leaves this Wednesday.
Sweet @RealJesus well i can say i’ve never drunkenly spent that much. Best of luck also sup?
Holy shit. That is a doozie. Can you at least get credit through the airline for it?
Booked through an app ):
DAMN
Went out with some friends for my birthday. Turned into a bar crawl. Blacked out. Fiancé caught me staring at the bartenders ridiculous cleavage. Safe to say she was not impressed.
This made me legit LOL
Got drunk with my best guy friend at the pool and ended up having great sex with him. We’re both in unfamiliar territory bc before that I just didn’t view him sexually, so great start to the week.
$10 says he’s been waiting for that moment since y’all first became friends
Was it Ben Stiller or Brett Farve?
Favre… No question…
My wife and I were friends for three years before a random, drunken hookup happened. If you have feelings, give it a chance because your friendship won’t be the same now anyways.
MAI WAIFE. VERUH NAICE
This read made me feel better about my decision to power drink bottles of wine and bud light lime yesterday
Should’ve been Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus, but well done.
I got an email from Personal Capital saying I spent $64,628 less than this time last month. That home purchase really skewed my stats.
Took a 3 day weekend and drove to San Antonio to attend the wake for the mother of one of my frat brothers on Saturday followed by a very informal service on Sunday. But first on Friday we had lunch at a local SA gentlemen’s club which turned out to be a few hours and all i remember is talking up one of the girl. Turns out under crippling levels of father issues she’s a pretty cool. Talked about nerdy stuff like how lame the new Iron Fist series is and how stoked we were for all the upcoming marvel films. One thing lead to another and I got her number and she friended me on FB(turns out her stage name isn’t her real name). Spent pretty much all day Saturday texting each other and she invites me over to her apartment because she’s apparently a good cook and wanted to make me to try this new recipe.
So part two.
I stopped off at HEB plus to get a few ingredients she was missing and pick up a bottle of wine and a case of XX’s. Showed up to her apartment and to my surprise the place smell good af. She was making some steak and shrimp fajitas with a new marinade recipe. I was pulling a T-pain and falling love with a stripper while watching her cook. We drank and talked about more nerdy shit like if we were going to any local comicons or how awesome the new Power Rangers movie is(Pretty dope if you haven’t seen it) and which ranger was our favorite,OG Tommy as Green Ranger is the most alpha ranger. With dinner done, she wasn’t kidding about being a good cook, we decided to watch the old 90’s Power Ranger movie as a joke. We didn’t make it past the part where Ivan Ooze starts wrecking shit before you’re boy was rounding the bases. As the JD would put it she was a dragon, I even changed her name in my phone to Smaug. Pretty sure I’m completely blinded to all the potential crazy that’s behind her veneer by the fog of tastey fajitas and managing to break the old dry spell on a solid 8.5/9.
Told my long distance girlfriend that I was picking up a roommate who happens to be a female I hooked up with in college. It didn’t go over well to say the least.
Rookie mistake, padiwan
The dark side clouded my thoughts
Or was it the back side?
Glaring lack of people trying to get tattoos this week
Based off her tweets, the “euthanize me” email was definitely Kayla