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I first created a LinkedIn profile around five years ago when I was a sophomore in college. I’m not even sure as to what prompted this decision initially, but since then, I’ve barely used it and still don’t really understand it. It’s supposed to be used as a networking tool, as a source for both employers and those seeking employment. To me, it’s a job-history version of the chumps that post pictures of their presents on Facebook Christmas morning. Everyone can see your entire work history, including that one year of high school where you worked at Sonic to earn your beer money. You have options to list your school, your fraternity/sorority affiliations, awards, volunteer experience, etc. They even have options to submit examples of your written work. Somehow I don’t think my piece on Douchebags Vs. Stage Five Clingers would swing me many in-office interviews.
Whereas Facebook allows for friend requests, Twitter/Instagram allow for follows, and Snapchat enables adding friends by phone number and username — LinkedIn is an entirely different animal. LinkedIn operates on connections. This is similar to a friend request, but is meant to be between people you know through your job, school, or work experience. The kicker here is that once you view someone’s LinkedIn profile, they get a notification letting them know just that. So if you’re creeping on someone you just met, or trying to find out more about a Bumble match, you have to be extremely cautious. I once went out with a Bumble match, and then a couple days later decided to go look at his LinkedIn because I forgot where he said he worked and didn’t want to seem like I hadn’t really been paying attention our entire date. By the time I actually remembered that he would be able to see that I had visited his profile, it was too late. That realization hit about .25 seconds after I had clicked his name. That night, he sent me a screenshot of an email notification he had received that said: “Taylor Stovall has viewed your profile. See who else is viewing your profile,” which was accompanied by a simple text that said, “Subtle.” Beautiful.
LinkedIn wants you to use these connections to widen your network. A wise post grad is always networking. Recently I visited one of my college sorority sisters in Tallahassee, Florida. She works in the capitol, and they were wrapping up session while I was in town. The night session ended and tons of post grads clad in suits and pencil skirts who had just spent months slaving away in legislative admin positions were released into the wild known as Clyde’s Bar. A gentleman in a navy suit and undone tie approached me at the bar and proceeded to ask me out for rock climbing the next day (very bold move). I thanked him for the invite but had to decline since I was in town visiting my gal pal and was only looking to guarantee myself a hangover during my time there. This brazen young soul reached into his wallet, handed me a business card, told me to email him, and went back to his buddies. #Networking. This dude was spitting real-life LinkedIn game. Much respect.
Once you are connected to someone, you can “endorse” them for certain skills. This literally means you can go to your wildest, most depraved fraternity brother’s LinkedIn profile and endorse him for “PowerPoint.” I have had multiple people endorse me for a random assortment of things, including but not limited to: customer service, time management, Microsoft Excel, PowerPoint, social media, and even copywriting. Where do you people get off? The majority of my LinkedIn connections really don’t have a clue if I am capable of legal research or filing, but that hasn’t stopped some of them from publicly endorsing me for those, too. Some connections I’m connected to are people I actually don’t even know, which is my fault for accepting random requests. In short: these endorsements are not very accurate at describing my potential or skills as an employee. They don’t really paint me in any kind of light that would make me stand out amongst a pool of similar applicants. The majority of my friends and connections don’t know enough about me as an employee to be able to endorse me for any kinds of skills. If LinkedIn endorsements were accurate, they’d look like something like this:
“sometimes brings homemade snacks to share”
“can add row or column to Excel spreadsheet”
“has experience teaching older staff members how to operate social media/email platforms”
“most competitive office bowling league team member”
“first to RSVP as ‘attending’ to all office happy hours”
“successfully Snapchats all day, every day”
“has never said no to mid-week fajitas and ‘ritas”
“investigative reporting (read: cyber stalking)”
“procrastinating but still finishing work on time”
“does what is asked of them”
“has done more than what was asked of them on at least (1) occasion”
“refills coffee pot”
“will accompany coworkers to get lunch outside of the office very once in a while”
“occasionally shares Adderall”
“always has the hottest office gossip”
“eats in break room without forcing others to engage in unwanted conversation”
“knows how to avoid ‘replying to all’ in an office-wide email”
“does not force coworkers to look at pictures of his/her pets or children”
“will not spoil Game of Thrones episodes”
“quotes a reasonable amount of Seinfeld”
These are the things that I would want to know if I was hiring someone. Jennifer in accounting who has the addy hookup? Clutch. Joe in IT who takes the bullet on a weekly basis and shows that old broad Susan how to attach a document to her email? Necessary. If I know that you can go out and get schlammered on a Thirsty Thursday but still drag your trash-ass into work come Friday morning? You’re hired. I don’t need a bunch of schmucks who are proficient in PowerPoint but bring tuna for lunch everyday and stink up the whole damn break room. I don’t care if you’re the best PowerPointer in town. I want to surround myself with able-bodied coworkers who can pick up on my George Constanza jokes and will bring the heat Lebowski- style in the office bowling league.
Oh, and if you’ve got season tix to see the Rangers, I can get with that, too. Consider yourself endorsed. .
Image via Shutterstock
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You CAN set your account creeping activity to private: Click your thumbnail photo on the top right, Manage Privacy & Settings, Privacy, Profile Viewing Options, Private Mode / Anonymous. Happy creeping!
You glorious bastard
you sir just changed the game for me. I might log in just for that
You mean, ma’am.
Yes ma’am. All genders want Sperry free so I went with my own gender.
Also: Hey, how you doin’?
I think Will’s ‘read receipts’ philosophy works the same with LinkedIn creeping
Or if you want to keep seeing who’s looking at your profile, you look them up in LinkedIn search, then open in an incognito window to see their profile.
Careful though… I had a Tinder match do this to me, but while his name/occupation didn’t come up, his picture still did…
(takes down LinkedIn photo)
Even easier: just stay logged out and search for them on Google.
You cannot access full profile if you are not logged in.
Why the fuck would I need to see their full profile? Picture, school and position, get in and get out fast with the important stuff, like a Ninja.
I want every nugget of information possible.
Have you considered that you may have a problem?
via GIPHY
Creeping on LinkedIn profiles. PGP.
LinkedIn is good for 3 things: Connecting with recruiters, seeing who you know at companies you want to work for, and combing for common ground with the guy you’re interviewing with tomorrow. It’s adequate for checking to see if the coworker you’re teleconferencing with is hot, just don’t click on their page.
Older business people really appreciate being reached out to and validated on social media, here LinkedIn. It makes them feel hip. It helped me gain interviews, and allowed me to bring up connections in those interviews that would have not been brought up. While it’s essentially a superficial bragging platform, it’s helpful for young pros on the grind whether you like it or not. Just don’t post. Every one hates people who post.
I agree, I’m connected to more of my friends’ parents on there than I am with my own actual friends but they have the job hookups and they are the ones who actually use it so I don’t mind using that to my advantage.
LinkedIn has a better-than-average job search algorithm but beyond that it’s pretty much useless
Rangers tickets for Thursday night. Left field front row. See you there? Email me.
Thanks for the invite, but it seems that you are still in college, so I must respectfully decline.
She’s obviously not “the one”
I’ll snatch a homer for you. Graduate in 2 weeks, offers still on the table.
Well at least you’ll be getting some snatch at the game.
So are you going to go rock climbing next time you’re in town?
Technically you are too, Ms. Law School. Embrace cougar-ism.
Chasing tail in the comments section. PGP.
Actually having something tangible to offer in doing so. PGPM.
Endorsements are LinkedIn’s version of FB poking.
You can reorder, delete or hide endorsements for certain skills or from certain people. Some jackwagon endorses you for a Microsoft Office product, just go to edit endorsements and delete that skill. Or you can click on Manage Endorsements and hide endorsements from certain people.
So is everyone going to connect with the Grandex team now?
I have come to the realization that I am doing LinkedIn wrong. You really have to go 0 or 100. There is no in between. I have failed to keep my shit current and active so if anyone sees my profile it looks pretty gross and whenever I do update it, I put in minimal effort so it looks slipshod. Probably should either delete it or just start adding hundreds of random people and share 12 articles of “What Successful People Do” every day.