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The cold sweats start, tunnel vision kicks in as you try to focus on the pin pad in front of you. Through the ringing in your ears, you can hear the awkward shuffling of feet from the person behind you in line as they try to act casual and give you some space. This response, straight out of a nightmare, follows the dreaded explanation from the cashier, “Sorry, your card doesn’t seem to be going through.”
I have never been in this situation before. The idea of a card being declined was foreign to me, although I had heard tales from friends having to forgo getting items at the grocery store after their bill had rung up to high. But now, hefty lawyer fees and a lack of any financial support from my ex has left me in a bit of a monetary slump. It’s nothing that can’t be handled, but in the check-out line at Marshall’s Homegoods isn’t the ideal location to find out that your account balance is lower than you thought.
Between rent, my cell phone bill, electricity, car insurance, and all the other bullshit I have to pay for myself, there always seems to be some automatic payment plan pulling from my account and barely any automatic deposits going in. The big issue comes when charges don’t always show up right away. I assumed I had enough in my online piggy bank to cover the lampshade I intended to purchase that day, but my Comcast Wi-Fi bill had other plans.
The first thought to run through my head after the news of my poverty hit was, “FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK.” But I was eventually able to use my critical thinking skills to quickly evaluate my options.
(I only have the one debit card with a single checking account. I also have a credit card I try not to use, but a new card is currently being mailed to me after my info was stolen and used to purchase large quantities of pornography in Albania. So, using another account in my name wasn’t included on the option list.)
Option 1: Be upfront with the cashier and say I won’t be purchasing the item today, and do the walk of shame to put the lampshade back.
Option 2: Apologize profusely and claim that my debit card is new and just hasn’t been activated. Excuse myself to go outside and call my bank, and say I will be back inside to take care of the bill after I get it sorted. Once out of the store, beeline for the car and enter the witness protection program.
Option 3: Dig through my purse and see if I can’t come up with the total in crumbled $1 bills and coins rolling around with my chapstick and sunglasses.
Option 4: Grab the lampshade and run.
Eventually, I decided to go with Option 5: Charge the purchase to the emergency credit card my father gave me years ago and never took back. I shot a quick text to let him know I’d reimburse him ASAP.
The whole situation was hyper embarrassing, and I will most definitely be heading back to the budgeting excel sheet I created during a productive moment in my life to see what I’m doing wrong. I’m now questioning every coffee I’ve purchased in the last week and kicking myself for donating $20 to a friend’s “No Shave Movember” GoFundMe.
I keep reminding myself it could have been way worse. I can’t imagine getting brick walled by my bank when trying to pay for something important/expensive. What if I had been getting my oil changed? Would they siphon the oil back out? Would I be forced into indentured servitude by the Volvo dealership to pay back the service? I hope I never find out the answer to that question.
In a couple of months, I’m sure I look back and see the whole thing as a learning experience and laugh about it. For now though, I’ll take a little more time to wallow in my broke misery while googling how to start selling used panties on Craigslist. .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Kell
future soccer mom of America (AKA I drive a Volvo.) Miracle is my favorite movie and it should be yours too.
@backpackfanclub
@instagram
Checking your bank app more than any of your social media apps. PGP
Mid checkout line app check, just incase of a last minute audible
I just got paid $6784 working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $9k her first month. It feels so good making so much money ZX when other people have to work for so much less. This is what I do… Onlinecareer10.com
I get paid over 90 dollar per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless. Heres what I’ve been doing,… www.Jobzon3.com
You might want to look into this, seems like a legit solution to your financial problems…
Yeah, you haven’t lived until your wife puts an extra digit in the mortgage check and overdraws your account 5 digits. That was a fun day.
It was clearly your fault. Did you apologize to your wife?
You’re telling me she didn’t mean to write that check for $12,500?
I wish my mortgage started with a 1. Sigh.
humble brag
Property taxes.
Must be from NJ
Who on earth writes checks for the mortgage? Online payment is the way to go.
Credit Cards > Debit Cards #Points4Lyfe
Plus cc’s are more secure than DC’s. In the past 3 months I’ve had fraudulant charges posted on both and it is much easier dealing with fraud on the CC than the DC
Seriously. Had my wallet stolen about a year ago so I had to cancel all my cards. Luckily they were all with the same bank, but even after I canceled all my credit cards with no issue and went to close the debit card, I had to answer all these random questions I used as my security questions when I opened the debit account over 10 years ago. Like did you just forget I canceled all my credit cards in the same name?
Don’t use debit cards for purchases. If you thought getting a new credit card due to fraud was a pain, imagine if someone used your debit card to purchase the aforementioned Albanian porn. It would be much more of a nightmare because they would use your actual money, not the money of some bank that you have to repay within 30 days.
That’s why I just use straight cash for my porn from the Balkans.
Good call, it’s much more difficult to trace. That and Bitcoin.
Personally I prefer Czech porn.
I have both a Chase debit card and a Chase credit card and their fraud protection is pretty much the same fortunately.
I had fraud on both my Chase CC and DC. CC was able to take care of with an 8 minute phone call. DC I got the money back, but it was after I made a phone call, faxed paperwork, went to the bank, etc.
My DC is from a credit union. I’ve had fraudulent charges twice since opening an account there. One was for almost nothing, and the other was 2 withdrawals of the ATM maximum. They wiped out my checking account 2 days prior to going on vacation. Within 24 hours, I had all the money credited to my account (while they investigated), and had a new card overnighted on their dime. Shoutout to credit unions.
The Mint App saves lives
The USAA mobile app is my life saver. Just ask the cashier to hold on for a few seconds, log into the app and transfer money from my saving to checking. Instant transfer, swipe card again and all is good.
Sa-vings? Sah-vings? What is this sorcery?
Scaries on a Wednesday morning. Thanks a lot…
This and having to be rescued, naked, after falling in the shower are my greatest fears in life. I check my bank app more than any social media
Wow, the shower thing happened to the Fiance, but luckily I was also in there. It’s just as terrifying when you aren’t the person who fainted.
You silver tongued fox
The posts from this girl are so cringe-y. The divorce, this, hating her alma mater that she chose to go to after being at a big school that she was then envious of. I hope this girl has some good luck soon.
Card readers these days have to be real douches about it and make sure everyone around can hear the declined sound. It’s enough to scare you straight into being an extreme coupon-er