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You’ve found yourself watching HGTV or come across a pompous Buzzfeed article and there they are. A happy couple posed in front of their eclectic tiny house, most likely named Milo and Theodore. A pretentious title claims they are just loving life in their little home. “It’s so nice to reduce our footprint and contribute to a better world.” Shut. Up. The wide angled camera lens makes the interior of the place look so much bigger than it actually is. It’s inevitable that one of two things are bound to end eventually: the tiny house living or the relationship.
Newsflash, hipsters. You haven’t discovered the be-all, end-all of minimalist living. Tiny house living was not the answer everyone was looking for. A “tiny house” already exists. It’s called a studio apartment. It’s one giant room in an already-existing complex that kicks your tiny house to the curb. And depending on where you live, there’s a good chance it’s a cheaper option to your embarrassing 8′ x 20′ “home.”
Sure, it seems appealing up front. But hipsters and hippies alike tend to only see the surface of their unrealistic desires and neglect the problems within. Much like the gluten-free diet they eat that’s actually worse for their health, living in a tiny house has plenty of unseen issues.
The house probably only runs ~$10,000. But then you have to find land to put it on, and no, the backyard of your parents’ house is not acceptable. If you do find a plot of land for purchase at a reasonable price, you have to check with the town’s zoning laws to see if tiny house living is even allowed. Either it won’t be or there will be some sort of price to pay. Add that to the expense list.
And if all of that checks out, you have to run utilities to the tiny house, creating even more cost. Unless you’re one of those hippy hipsters who plans to live off the grid with no water or electricity. In that case, I don’t even want to know you exist. “Oh, I’ll just get a solar panel for my electricity needs.” Cool, I hope you have another $10,000.
Before you know it, your small, efficient investment for tiny house living is pushing 40-50k. That’s enough to get you a studio apartment, utilities included, for 4-5 years. And you can’t tell me you’ll be living in your tiny house for anytime longer than that. It’s just not realistic. You’ll drive yourself insane.
There are just so many simple, everyday actions that aren’t possible in the over-sized cardboard box. Try to wake up and stretch your arms out without busting your knuckles on the loft’s 4′ high ceilings. Let alone have sex in that little crawlspace. Who am I kidding, someone with a tiny house isn’t getting any.
No one over the age of 10 should be climbing a ladder up to their bed. But once you do make it down, you stumble into the shower that doesn’t cater to anyone over 6′. You struggle to pick out something to wear because your closet is only big enough to fit two of your faux fur statement pieces. You only have one option for breakfast because that’s all your dorm room sized fridge can fit.
What about cleaning? Please don’t tell me you’re washing your clothes in the river? Although, I should probably be happy you’re washing them at all. Sure, you can wash your dishes while sitting on couch, which is cool I guess. And helpful since you’ll be doing them a lot considering you only have three plates.
I suppose only hermits take the plunge into tiny house living. Good luck inviting guests over. Seating for two with awkward standing space for one. Sounds like a ball of a time. Not to mention the endless Q&A from your guests as they try to understand why someone would put themselves through this sentence.
Actually, I think it’s only practical for one person to live in such a small space. More that that and say goodbye to any alone time and hello to pointless arguments with underlying pleads for personal space. When your partner claims they “just need some space,” you’re not sure whether they want to end things or are sick of having to pee less than two feet away from where you’re preparing dinner.
Whatever, keep doing you, hipsters. If you ever need an escape from that claustrophobic house of yours, you’re welcome to stay at mine. I’m sure my bathroom will suite you well considering it’s larger than your whole place..
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Irrational anger because of others’ stupidity is a big turn on. Keep it up.
If I wanted to fuck in a twin bed again I could just move back in with my parents.
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Or just buy a boat, the original “tiny house”. Except you also get, you know, a boat.
came here to say this, but with your username its better you said it
To play Devil’s advocate, home builders building larger and more houses is one of the reason our generation lives overwhelmingly in either apartments or still with their parents.
But yeah, fuck hipsters and the free-range horse they rode in on.
I’m all for living smaller/simply, but a tiny house is just not practical for most people. It’s a temporary solution if you’re not old and settled (and even then, how many “climbing the ladder to bed” years do you have?), and they are usually so customized that resale with a decent profit margin has got to be really difficult.
For sure, I should have clarified that these houses aren’t a good solution to that problem either. I can’t imagine being trapped in a one room house for the rest of eternity with my significant other.
Just wait for the labor camp movement where everyone sleeps in crammed warehouses behind barbed wire.
“Nah, man, it’s not oppressive or offensive, it’s just like… communal living where we can’t get out and also regularly get beaten by guards.”
“What are you talking about? We CHOOSE this lifestyle just like we choose the dumpiest look possible.”
*Vintage
I just like how living in a trailer is considered trashy and looked down upon, but living in an RV is trendy and earth conscious. Not that I’m looking to do either, but I just don’t get it…
Basically just shitty trailers.
Great article. While I do think the tiny house shows are entertaining, who in their right mind would want to live in a place like this? I work hard so I can have nice things and like where I live, not so I can cramp myself into a shoe box. Where are you supposed to do your ironing? If you have a kid, where is s/he supposed to do kid things? Honestly, how could you even have your phone/computer charger plus have a clock and a fan plugged up at once?
You plug in your clock?
i watched one yesterday where the couple had 2 dogs and a baby. and they were moving into a 250 square foot tiny house. where is there even room for all of that?