The Rio Olympics Are Setting Up To Be One Of The Biggest Freak Fests Of All-Time

The Rio Olympics Are Setting Up To Be One Of The Biggest Freak Fests Of All-Time

Imagine a scenario where you have a bunch of pseudo-famous horned-up good-looking people in their physical primes just aching to get after one another. No, I’m not talking about a season of The Real World – I’m talking about the Summer motherfucking Olympics.

Back in Sochi 2014, they were handing out 100,000 condoms because it was the heyday of Tinder. Like, I bet Michael Phelps barely left his room unless it was for competition. But this year in Rio? They’re going all out to make sure everyone’s having the safest sex possible (Sup, Zika?). Per Fox News Latino:

About 450,000 condoms will be distributed during the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, three times more than for the London Games four years ago, the International Olympic Committee says.

Part of the reason was because 100,000 female condoms will be available for the first time, along with 350,000 condoms for men. About 175,000 packets of lubricant are also being supplied.

That’s. So. Many. Condoms.

I mean, I understand we’re trying to avoid these babies being born with tiny heads and everything, but is it really necessary to distribute 100,000 female condoms when I’m 99% sure no one even uses those in the first place? Meanwhile, you could create a new Slip-N-Slide event with that amount of lube. It’s like the IOC is saying, “Come on, guys, create more freak athletes to keep our organization in business 24 years from now.”

But seriously, though. How good of an idea is the Slip-N-Slide competition? I know it would look a little more like Nickelodeon’s Wild & Crazy Kids than the Summer Olympics, but still, think about the ratings.

[via Fox News Latino]

Image via marchello74 /

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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