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Imagine a scenario where you have a bunch of pseudo-famous horned-up good-looking people in their physical primes just aching to get after one another. No, I’m not talking about a season of The Real World – I’m talking about the Summer motherfucking Olympics.
Back in Sochi 2014, they were handing out 100,000 condoms because it was the heyday of Tinder. Like, I bet Michael Phelps barely left his room unless it was for competition. But this year in Rio? They’re going all out to make sure everyone’s having the safest sex possible (Sup, Zika?). Per Fox News Latino:
About 450,000 condoms will be distributed during the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, three times more than for the London Games four years ago, the International Olympic Committee says.
Part of the reason was because 100,000 female condoms will be available for the first time, along with 350,000 condoms for men. About 175,000 packets of lubricant are also being supplied.
That’s. So. Many. Condoms.
I mean, I understand we’re trying to avoid these babies being born with tiny heads and everything, but is it really necessary to distribute 100,000 female condoms when I’m 99% sure no one even uses those in the first place? Meanwhile, you could create a new Slip-N-Slide event with that amount of lube. It’s like the IOC is saying, “Come on, guys, create more freak athletes to keep our organization in business 24 years from now.”
But seriously, though. How good of an idea is the Slip-N-Slide competition? I know it would look a little more like Nickelodeon’s Wild & Crazy Kids than the Summer Olympics, but still, think about the ratings. .
[via Fox News Latino]
Image via marchello74 / Shutterstock.com
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
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Defries Im pretty sure Michael Phelps didnt swim in the winter olympics
Mondays, man.
I feel ya brotha
They should just make fucking an Olympic sport then they’d probably get more viewers. Don’t worry sensitive people, it’s not porn if you incorporate a corporate logo/sponsorship with it, then it just becomes advertising.
splatter some paint on them and it’s art.
It’s not paint that’s going to get splattered.
Hey-oh! Still art?
I mean, even the commercials have advertised it like the athletes are going down there for a massive party, with some sports or whatever on the side.
Maybe I just live under a rock but it’s pretty alarming to me that sex at the Olympics is this big of an issue. I mean for Christ’s sake the people are there for a month. These people act like they’ll never get a chance to ever fuck again after they leave. Are people just that horny there or what? Am I just an ignorant foo? I want answers.
You are that ignorant. A lot of the athletes are there to compete one time, know they won’t win, and party their balls off for the remaining two weeks. It’s basically just a giant fuck fest. Read some of the stories – they’re pretty entertaining.
Huh, interesting.
Pretty sure I couldn’t go through 100,000 condoms in my entire lifetime, let alone 450,000
100,000?
This is the one timeevery four years the majority of these athletes ever get to relax and party, your god damned right they are gonna need all those condoms
This is why I need to become an Olympic speed walker. Sure, you’re not going to be hooking up with a gymnast or track athlete, but those swimmers need some loving too, right?
My buddy just got engaged to an Olympic speed walker, didn’t even know it was a thing before he started dating her. But he gets to say he’s marrying an doctor who is an Olympian on the side…
I’m all for having a successful wife, but I’d find that pretty fucking intimidating and hard to live up to. “She’s a doctor and Olympian….I’m a middle-management spreadsheet jockey and shoot bogey golf…”
I really, really stopped having any interest in the Olympics years ago. The bs nationalistic nonsense led by Bob fucking Costas makes me ill.
Then again, the sports I do follow are far from “mainstream.”
Hate to break it to you, but disc golf isn’t a real sport.