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As a practicing Cathodist (that’s a Catholic/Methodist mix for those of you who aren’t hip and caught up with what the kids are saying these days) I’ve participated in Lent for a solid 23 years now. I’ve given up everything from chocolate to sweets in general, from carbonated beverages to alcohol. Then there was Lent 2005, when I said I was going to give up my cell phone for 40 days and 40 nights. That turned out to be a complete joke.
As a teenager, it was a lot easier to stick with the sacrifices I made because my mom was there to keep me on the wagon. If I gave up something, she wouldn’t buy it, she wouldn’t stock it in the pantry, and she wouldn’t order it at a restaurant in front of me. (If I ever need to go to rehab, I would definitely choose my mom to take care of me.) When Easter Sunday finally rolled around, I would wake up to an abundance of my sacrifice and be on a caffeine or sugar high the rest of the day.
However, I am an adult now, and I do what I want. My mom is a 13 hour drive away from me, I’m not married, and I have no one to make sure I stick with it. I live in the adult world where I can have ice cream for breakfast if I want. Why give up alcohol for Lent when I have a fully functional ID in my wallet? If I give up carbonated beverages, will I even make it through my day alive? It is incredibly easy to slip up and suffer zero consequences–except maybe that of eternal damnation.
As an adult, I have to really look at myself and see what it is that I truly indulge in, which is a struggle within itself considering I’m poor as shit. All I really do is stare at my computer screen and cell phone all day, and when I do finally get to live the life I prefer, I’m too drunk to remember it. If you think I’m capable of giving up the only joys in my life, you thought wrong (even if you and I both know that’s the entire point).
This year for Lent, I’m giving up all carbonated beverages, except Dr. Pepper, because I drink that with Fireball. Being “indulgent” is an understatement when it comes to my love for anything fizzy and caffeinated, and I suspect that I can hold my own for about a week before I really start to question if “just a sip” would really be that bad. By week three, I’ll be ordering Fireball and Dr. Peppers “easy on the Fireball.” Before the month is over, I’ll have lost all self-control and be slumped over in the corner drinking Coke straight from a two-liter and screaming, “Don’t look at me!” between pulls.
The pressure is overwhelming. I can’t deal. And I will break.
I try to convince myself that I’ll be healthier, that I’ll lose weight, that I’ll be able to wear a crop top to the Miley Cyrus concert next month. I tell myself that I am a strong, independent black woman who don’t need no Coke. I tell myself anything I have to because there are still 39 more days left of Lent, and I’m already feeling how real the struggle truly is.
We have to depend on each other, you guys. That’s the only way we’ll make it through as the quasi-adults we are. So, in the meantime, could you pass the Fireball? Thanks.
Respond
@lnsayers
@lnsayers
Cathodist – great combo. Blending the Catholic girl fondness for anal with the “anything goes” Methodist attitude
I always suggest people give up Catholicism for Lent.
Just the sip…everyone’s favorite game.
I gave up swearing. It’s been tough so far. I never realized how many everyday things I respond to with a torrent of foul language.
Whataburger and tortilla chips, may god have mercy on my soul
I actually talked to God just a minute ago. Dude…you really knocked it out of the park this year. Way to go. God is fucking STOKED that you’re giving up eating fast food hamburgers and chips as a way to express your loyalty to him. He wanted me to let you know…he is DEFINITELY going to give your soul mercy.
hang in there, im giving up Whataburger too
As a 26 year old practicing Catholic male who’s mother worked for the church for 8 years of my childhood and has volunteered for the other 18 years in some way, shape or form, I have to say you are completely blowing it on your Lenten fast. Let me pass along some hints on how to circumvent the rules.
Give up specifics:
Don’t give up booze, give up beer or red wine, or white wine, or dark booze or clear booze.
Give up pizza, garlic knots/mozz sticks/cheesy bread/etc isn’t pizza
Giving up carbonated drinks with a caveat for your mixer is a rookie move. You have to be specific with your Lenten cut outs so you don’t appear to be a hypocrit. C’mon darlin, you are better than this.
Your first paragraph almost made me cry. You poor, poor thing. Run away as fast as you can.
SPOILER: I gave up carbonated drinks two weeks ago. I was serious when I said I’m going to wear a crop top to the Miley concert next month. This is my spring break.
So, you were saying…?
“Practicing” Catholics that miss the entire point of their own traditions should just quit.
Lent – pretty much just a diet
Candy at work, let the games begin
You’re a monster, Don. aaaaaaaannnnnnd I love it.
Fireball and Dr. Pepper huh? I might have to give that a try instead of what I normally do, straight from the handle.
It’s way better than with Coke and works awesome to keep the warmth/buzz going after a few shots. It’s just something about those 23 flavors…
Good to know. Yeah I tried it before with Coke and didn’t like it at all. I wasn’t sure what would be a good mixy with it so lately I’ve been drinking it straight with a couple of ice cubes.
Happy to help you quit watering down good whiskey.
I wouldn’t go that far…
Trying this out as we speak, and I give your mixy an A- grade
Fireball is meant to be pulled straight, any mix is a disservice.
preach
^
Try Fireball and Redd’s Strawberry Cider.
I’ve heard it’s good with Angry Orchard, too.
it is.
Ever had Fireball and sprite? Heard its pretty good. I rather just go straight from the bottle though.
Never have, but it might be worth a try. I too just go straight from the bottle, but there’s some days when I want to change it up and have a couple of mixies instead.
I gave up beer for lent one year and it was the best decision I ever made. Lost a lot of weight and got extremely drunker much faster and more often than usual.
My favorite are “I gave up religion” people.