If you are a millennial, which I assume you are if you’re taking the time out of your very significant and busy life to read this, then you can see that we, as a whole, are unequivocally and unapologetically fucked. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out things around us are, for lack of a better term, fucked beyond belief. With the media ranting and raving about the ever-impending apocalypse, but also cashing in on its sinister theme by making countless movies, commercials, and TV shows that hint toward a disastrous end, it’s pretty apparent that shit is someday going to hit the fan. Statistically speaking, we’re the ones who are going to have to witness it go down (passively, I might add). With the terrible economy, awful paying jobs, massive piles of debt, fiat currency, and a political system that you can only truly begin to understand after having an in depth compare and contrast analysis from watching the movie “Idiocracy,” we are the generation that has been put in the middle of it all. Yeah, we have our cool, fancy technology and our time consuming and personality sucking social media accounts, but what we don’t really seem to have is a bright future. We were promised the world as kids, and now that we’ve reached our twenties, the only thing guaranteed to us is a front row ticket to the shitshow. So, grab your lawn chairs, pop some popcorn, and open up a beer, because this societal train wreck is about to hit the cliff at full steam.
I know I sound like a miserable curmudgeon, but it’s all part of my style. First, I like to hit you with some cold, hard truth to break you down and make you feel vulnerable as you sit in your swivel chair. Then I like to inject the subtle optimism elixir to sink deep into your psyche and make you realize there is a benefit to everything, no matter how twisted it seems. There are a lot of positives to a social and economic collapse that you will never hear from the news analysts or from Satan’s cock sucking politicians who have taken over this joint, but don’t worry–I’ll help you through these tough times by pointing out some niceties that no one wants to talk about, because I love you.
If and when this collapse happens, the first thing to go will be the power grid and the communication systems that we rely upon so heavily. Mass hysteria will ensue, but stay calm because this will force you to actually start talking to other people in person and helping them out, which is a positive for the human race. Next comes the food supply. With distribution and production ousted, now comes the tough part of feeding yourself. You have a couple options–either raid the nearest supermarket if it’s not too late or learn how to hunt, fish, grow, and cook with a open flame. You can then add that to your already limited knowledge of attributes you bring to the table. Just think: when you wake up every day, you won’t have to stress about an awful commute to a job you hate anymore or having to deal with an egotistical boss. You won’t even stress about money for that matter, which leads to phase three. Money. Money will subsequently become worthless and hold no weight in bartering, and this will level out the playing field for everyone. Debts won’t have to be repaid and we will start back at square one, so when you see that “rich” asshole who has all the goods, you’ll know he’ll get knocked down to everyone else’s level. This will make him mentally weak, in which he will then be an easy target for robbery or bribery of resources since he will have a tough time letting go of his consumerist, materialistic existence. With money out of the equation, resources will become the proverbial currency for survival, so if you have access to food, water, and stable shelter, then be grateful. There will be many who will try to take those from you. Since there will be no such thing as crime anymore due to the lack of policing, you will finally be a free person roaming the land. Enjoy this, because after some time, revolt and resistance martial law will most likely be imposed. Once you start to see the armored vehicles lining the streets and they start escorting us via train to the holding camps, this will be like reliving your college dorm days, except instead of having to go to class, you will sit through intensive pychotropic therapy to force you to conform–kind of like a chemically induced lobotomy. Don’t worry, because this will pan out in your favor. If you can’t remember anything, then you won’t realize you’re living in a prison.
Another positive is that nothing will matter anymore besides the basic trait of survival that is engrained in all of us. This common trait is what brings hope during times like these to come. So, you see, it’s not that bad. You just have to find the light in all the dark situations, so let this be the illuminated path you walk on when the lights really do go out. Just remember that we are all humans and we are good at getting out of shitty situations. Why do you think we’ve lasted so long on this floating rock?