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I know you’re not happy about it. I also realize that it’s the middle of September, but you have to understand that girls have been planning their outfits for at least a month already. You’re already behind.
I know there’s a little birdie in your brain saying something along the lines of, “Well, maybe if I just throw this plaid shirt on with some old jeans I can pass myself off as a lumberjack. I’ve got a little stubble going right now.”
But you’ve got to put in a little more effort than that. I don’t care if you’re 25 or 32. The point I’m trying to make is this – if you’re a single man and your hairline is still respectably intact, you HAVE to get dressed up and go out for Halloween. If you’re bald? You go with the tried and true Mr. Clean outfit, obviously. This article isn’t for you.
And do you want to know why you have to go out on Halloween? It’s because this is a holiday designed with single people in mind. People meet at Halloween parties all of the time, and this could be your last shot before the year ends to find someone to spend cold November/December nights with.
So unless you want to stay in your shitty apartment eating fun-sized Kit Kats and watching Halloweentown alone, you’re going to go out, you’re going to get dressed up, and you’re going to try and get laid.
You think that girl who dressed up as slutty Cinderella wanted to get dressed like that and stand in the kitchen at that Halloween party you’re both attending? Yeah, she probably did. She probably loves attention. And the easiest way to get attention is to dress in scantily clad lingerie, all under the guise that it’s Halloween and this is what you’re supposed to be doing.
We’ve all heard it in Mean Girls, which is arguably the last time Lindsay Lohan looked like a human being. It is the one day, nay, weekend, every year, where a girl can wear nothing more than a bra, some boy shorts, and draw whiskers on her face and not get the dreaded side-eye from other girls as they whisper under their breath, “What. a. skank.”
Men shouldn’t be any different. There is no reason for us to be half-assing it on a Halloween costume when a girls costume takes no less than two hours to plan. That’s not fair.
With Halloween falling on a Tuesday this year, it means that the Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and maybe even that Monday are going to be Halloween themed. Is that girl from work who you’ve had your eye on throwing a pregame that weekend? I bet she is. Which means you better get your ass to a Halloween USA before that party starts and have a respectable costume on. I don’t care if you go as Maverick from Top Gun (which, by the way, has got to be one of the most played out movie characters you could go as).
If you want to be Jason from Halloween that is perfectly fine but make sure you have the entire outfit. You can’t just throw the mask on and call it a day.
This isn’t college, okay? I’m not saying you have to have some elaborate costume for every single night of that weekend. If you have one costume you’re golden. I’m just saying that there needs to be a little more effort from the male population this year.
I hate this holiday just as much as anyone else, but I participate because it’s all part of that metaphorical chase that I’ve spoken so fondly of in blog posts of yore. You’ve got to be willing to put the effort in.
The most important ability is availability.
On Halloween weekend, if you’re not getting dressed up girls are looking at you as a non-option. They’re dressed up, why aren’t you? I’m not telling you to go out and blow two hundred bucks on a costume. Just put a little bit of effort in this year and I think you’ll see a nice return on your investment. .
Image via Youtube
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jduda@grandex.co
Halloween house party >>> going to a bar for Halloween
RT and fave
Grab a microphone and a Hawaiian shirt and a very aggressive attitude. Going as Micah.
Or Jonah Hill from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Halloween is where being a parent pays off. I get to go trick or treating dressed as a washed up dad every year.
Yes.
People are depreciating assets and highly volatile and typically have a negative net worth in terms of cash flow. I’m bearish on investing in a costume to acquire shares of a women’s attention. I am however bullish on hosting a party at a low cost rent location and charging at the door for your services and real estate space but keeping it at a lower cost than the downtown scene to then reinvest that money in said real estate space/rent lol
If you don’t mind me asking, are you in finance?
To be honest, I am not in finance. I currently am a Product Manager that helps develop mobile apps and machine learning functions…I picked up investing and trading as a hobby a year ago and although I don’t have a ton of money to throw around and call myself an actual investor, I really love the research and analysis aspects that go into investing decisions. So far, things have worked for me but everyone’s strategy is different. I do a lot of reading and research, kind of an unhealthy amount actually.
Where’d you start learning about investing? Looking to do the same, but my college classes were worthless.
I learned a lot from my previous job experience which was in supply chain. I got to see how top companies like Apple deal with their contract manufacturers and their component sources that make all the tech stuff like semi-conductors and everything else and I learned to invest in those smaller companies instead of just Apple because they have much larger room for growth and a typical “design registration” for their products in Apple’s products last 2-4 years. I learned by doing a lot of experimenting too and failing but since I found Jim Grant’s writing about finance, I’ve learned more than reading things anywhere else online or in books or even in school
I once went a Randy Savage and started giving out Slim Jims to strangers at bars all night.
Oh yeah!
I’m the worst at being a female on Halloween. My go-to costume is just frizzing my hair, wearing my glasses, plaid shirt and going as Garth Algar.
Party on
My best friend and I went as Garth & Wayne once and to this day it is still my favorite costume I have ever worn. Little to no effort, and I was dressed as a GUY and still got more compliments than any other costume. 10/10 recommend.
A funny or creative costume on a girl trumps a slutty costume every time. I’d buy you a drink just for keeping Wayne’s World relevant these days.
Guys who get dressed up for Halloween are way more attractive because it shows you don’t give a shit about making a fool of yourself, and therefore you can hang.
Need a woman’s opinion on this one. Thinking about going as John Boyega’s character from the new Star Wars movies this year. Brown leather jacket, black t under, black jeans, black boots, possible 8 dollar lightsaber from Target concealed underneath. I feel like it rides the line between nerdy and flattering. Thoughts?
I wouldn’t know who you were, but then that could lead to an easy opening line.
No one is going to recognize a character from the new star wars dude.
Lol yeah I know, but I will be looking fresh and fashion forward.
Meh, I disagree. I prefer the type of guy who doesn’t need to wear a costume just because that’s what everyone else is doing… My husband is more of a beer and baseball game guy on Halloween.
The girlfriend and I are doing a Bugs/Lola Bunny couples costume for the ‘ween and I’m actually kind of excited. You can’t beat wearing a jersey and basketball shorts to a party and having that deemed as acceptable.
My last name is Hall so once I wore a jersey with my last name, carried Quaker Oats with me, and sang Maneater all night because I’m poor and stupid.
Going away for a college football game and getting out of couples costumes, win.