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There is a comradery amongst those of us brave enough to stand on line at that counter, battered and lifeless from a day spent working a job that is devoid of intellectual satisfaction or monetary compensation.
Those forty-plus hours per week that we all log become all too apparent when we’re standing together, tickets in hand and staring longingly at the number counter on the wall behind the workers slicing up meat. We work a job we hate for this moment – this is why my fellow compatriots and I are paid the medium bucks.
We all want something that sits behind the glass of those deli cases, and the extra couple of dollars that these meats and cheeses cost is worth it to avoid the Oscar Meyer’s and Applegate pre-packaged brands of the world. I’ve found that the pre-packaged stuff gets slimy much quicker than freshly sliced deli meat, and it’s tough for me to even eat that stuff any more when it’s offered.
It might be a pound of Boars Head peppered turkey. Hell, maybe you’re a Dietz & Watson loyalist with a craving for some maple and honey ham. Whatever it is, you’re here now, standing around in front of that long expanse of moderately priced meats and cheeses and wondering just how long this whole process is going to take.
For the uninitiated, standing on line at the grocery store deli is nothing short of hell on Earth. The after-work grocery store trip is a suicide mission of sorts. If you were too lazy or inebriated over the weekend to get yourself groceries for the week, the only option is going on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night after you’ve finished your cube duties.
There will be throngs of people and even the most efficient deli counters in American grocery stores are going to keep you waiting for at least ten minutes. The pull tab system is not new. It’s efficient, it’s simple, and it works, but my God is it tough to stand in line when you’re eight, nine, or ten numbers away from getting called up.
The amateurs reading this are probably thinking that if you’re eight to ten numbers away from getting called, why not just go get a couple of your items while other people get served and cut down on the time you’ll have to spend at the store? To that, all I can do is heartily laugh. Everyone else that is a couple of people away from getting called is thinking that exact same thought, and if they all leave, guess what happens? You get closer to the front. The key to waiting in line at a grocery store deli is patience.
Rage, frustration, hunger, and acceptance. These are just a few of the feelings you’ll have when you’re standing there, phone in hand, watching a frustrated forty-year-old woman (with two children in tow arguing over who gets dibs on the iPhone) try to decide how much deli meat she should buy for the week.
The key to a successful deli-counter trip is to know what you want before your number gets called. If you know you want turkey, spend the ample wait time you have perusing peppered, maple, and mesquite smoked flavors from Boars Head, making sure to shout your selection from on high as soon you begin deliberations with the person behind the counter. Waste no time looking at your phone while waiting in line. Have your order ready and never get discouraged by the number of people in front of you.
It’s perseverance and sheer willpower that will get you to the front and nothing else. Push through the adversity, and never, under any circumstances mutter this phrase to yourself when you see that the line is outrageously long – “Well, I guess I could always just get some Oscar-Meyer turkey from the pre-packaged section down the way.” .
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
I’d wait as long as it takes for a half lb of freshly sliced prosciutto don’t @ me
i need all my peppered turkey boyz to stand up right this mf instant
As a former deli worker in high school, please for the love of God, know what the hell you want and don’t ask for samples when its busy.
Fresh ingredients, real meat, freshly baked bread are all requirements for a deli sandwich, but to me the thing that really puts one over the top is the hot press machine. I need one of those at home.
This is where you separate the men from the boys
My favorite part is trying to eat the sample slice of turkey off of that small plastic sheet without it touching my dirty office hands.
The only walk of shame I make anymore is to the prepackaged deli section. -PGP
At my grocery store, the people with the fewest fucks to give are inevitably working the deli counter. You can usually find them hiding in the back room, hoping that if they just stand there long enough pretending not to see us, we will go away. And even if you manage to pounce on one of them, they go out of their way to not do their job. They’ve even directed me to the pre-packaged section when I’ve asked for a half pound of turkey.
Sounds like it’s time to make the switch from Walmart to Publix
If only we had Publix in the north. Their subs are supposed to be legendary. One of my best friends is a native Floridian.
The hype you feel when the deli worker asks who is next and they look to the person who clearly is after you like they best defer to me or it’s gon get real saucy up in here
The grab n go section is my savior
See this is a beginners mistake. When were those meats and cheeses sliced? One can only guess…
You’re also at the whim of whomever sliced it, in regards to thickness.
Shaved/ super thin slices are key
I have not noticed any drop off in quality of GnG from regular. Also our store turns over GnG so fast it can’t sit around for long.
Mariano’s has a solid GnG section, Duda, hit it up. And get some delicious steakhouse potato salad while you’re there.