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This first thing I said after finishing the Game of Thrones finale last night was “Whoa.” Then, in the minutes before sleep, I thought about everything that made me mad about the episode, and ended up falling asleep frustrated, confused, and scared for the final season. This was my thought journey:
1. The Big Meeting should have been an entire episode.
Dropping from 10 to 7 episodes impacted this season way more than I’d expected. Scenes were shoehorned into episodes that didn’t make sense and while a “lot” happened (more on that later), the whole season seemed like a sprint to the finish rather than a methodical storytelling experience. For example, the meeting with Cersei would’ve been a full episode had it happened in seasons 1-6. There were so many enormous characters in one location for the first time, and I would’ve savored every chat, insult, and flirt while everyone hung around before and after the larger plot points. A minor gripe, really, but I’m just warming up.
2. Basically no one died.
In a show that is so heavily invested in stomping my hope and happiness into Flea Bottom’s muddy/poop covered ground, every major character (aside from Littlefinger – thoughts and prayers) seems to have a force field around them at this point. Nothing about the finale had me actually worried about any character’s life – not Dany during the meeting, not Tyrion while meeting with Cersei, not Jaime while meeting with Cersei, and not Arya during her fake sentencing. Even Littlefinger had been petering out all season, and his final “Say WHAT?!?” moment was pretty clearly seen from a mile away. Also, there’s no way that Tormund and Beric are dead – obviously.
3. Bran is the ultimate example of deus ex machina.
Bran’s storyline is making me entirely lose hope on the show, in general. He knows and sees all, but only bothers to tell Sam about Jon/Aegon, and somehow didn’t know about Raegar’s secret wedding (WTF?). They even missed a chance to give Bran some sort of emotion – during Littlefinger’s sentencing, he could’ve spouted “I’m Lord of the Viel – harming me will bring chaos to the North,” with Bran responding “You forget, Lord Baelish: Chaos is a ladder.” Hammer that shit home. Anyway, if the show wraps up with some sort of Bran Goes Back in Time to Fix Things bullshit (a la Hodor), I’m going to lose my mind.
4. No shit the Wall was coming down.
“The Wall has stood for eons,” and all that crap – we all knew it was coming down. What especially irked me was that the Wall is supposed to harness magic to keep the AotD (Army of the Dead) North, right? How does chipping away at a coastal edge somehow remove the magic and let the whole undead army through? And why didn’t the people on the Wall have dragonglass-tipped arrows and at least start firing away when they had a chance? Did they not know that the army has been on their way since season 1?
5. They wasted their “N” on Jon’s butt.
Another trope of GoT is unnecessary nudity (hooray!). Aside from the fun of staring at boobs, I feel like the excess of nudity, sex, etc., added an element that made the show seem more Adult and less “fantasy” (read: “nerdy”). It had grittiness and was more realistic – characters were horny, bored, and clothes were apparently uncomfortable. As for our “N” scene, I’m not sure what Benioff/Weiss were going for with the Jon/Aegon reveal occurring simultaneously with the Jon/Dany sex/incest scene besides making every viewer squirm. I get it that Targaryens bang relatives, and that Dany just needs to get pregnant so that Cersei Baby vs. Dany Baby can be a spinoff (HBO ‘gon be throwing paper for decades), but the whole scene seemed like a “Next Time on…” clip from Below Deck: Westeros.
6. Did anything actually happen all season?
Besides 1) Dany reaching Westeros, and 2) Night King getting a pet dragon, did anything notable happen during the season? Almost all “major” characters are still alive and only slightly shifted around on the map, no progress has been made at all against the Night King/global warming, and I had to endure that godawful Ed Sheeran scene (my reflex response after “It’s a new one,” was “UGH – are you fucking kidding me?!?”). Obviously, the show needs to leave the cliffhanger for next season, but other than the Loot Train battle, I seriously feel like “so much”/”nothing” happened and most viewers will see this season as forgettable, in general.
7. What comes next?
We’ve got one season left for our heroes to 1) beat the Night King/end winter, and 2) decide who is in charge. There are theories everywhere, and we’ve got almost two years to discuss who will live and die/win and lose the Game, but the season will start and end in a blink, and I just hope I’m not writing “Did Game of Thrones (whole series) actually suck?” in 2019.
Also, listen to Oyster, Clams, and Cockles – I have no involvement it whatsoever, but it’s terrific.
Also, recycle – otherwise, the Night King/global warming wins..
Image via YouTube / HBO
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Trash take, trash title, trash column, trash username, trash human.
I seriously wanted CleganeBowl, and this is my way of lashing out.
I’m only joking with my bit. In all honesty I agree with a lot in the column. As much as I enjoyed this season it did feel like something was ‘missing’. And I think that has less to do with the work and effort D&D put into this season (I think they did a fantastic job w/ some of the best cinematography thus far), but more to do with the show being at a point where it’s really hard for D&D to fool/trick/surprise viewers now. It’s become much easier to predict how characters will act over time — not to mention all the jerk off spoilers out there flooding social media and ruining a lot of the suspense. Three takeaways that I believe could’ve made the finale even better:
1. Have Cersei actually kill Tyrion or Jaime in one of the tense conversation scenes they each had with her. Both are two of my favorite characters and it would’ve sucked to seen one of them go, but it would’ve delivered the shocking death that I think viewers have been craving this season. Obviously, D&D still have more planned for these two in the final season.
2. CleganeBowl in the Dragonpit like you mentioned. Would’ve been in an incredible fight sequence, but I think we’ll see this in season 8 since the Hound’s dialogue alluded to it .
3. Have Sansa execute Littlefinger instead of Arya. Her father always said the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. We already know Arya is a skilled assassin and call kill fairly easily without it effecting her emotionally. It would have been much more of an interesting character development moment for Sansa if we maybe saw her stop Arya before cutting Baelish’s throat, leading the viewers to think she might waiver and show him mercy, only to then have her tell the guards to take him to the executioner’s block and swing the sword herself mirroring Jon executing janos, Robb executing karstark, and her father executing the deserter. That would’ve been incredible.
They also changed my original title: “Did the Game of Thrones Finale Actually Suck?”, but same take. Not on the PGP payroll, so this is what they get for free.
The finale was hot fire
I like VICE a lot, but I’m not gonna rip their series.
Counterpoint: that ice dragon was bitchin’.
It had Godzilla nuke breath. Shit was intense.
you know nothing njd135
Jon’s butt was perfect, first of all, how dare you. I would have replaced Theon’s entire scene with just Jon Snow butt shots.
Second, the only people that are allowed to point out negative points about GoT are Veronica, Barrett, and Ross, because their hearts are in the right place so it’s ok. #clamfam
Jon Snow is going to rebuild that wall and make the Night King pay for it!
Season 7 was, overall, disappointing for several reasons, and I’m on board with most of your points.
However, it’s your 2nd point that I disagree with. We saw Littlefinger die and we also so the death of Reek/return of Theon (figurative as it may have been). And Jaime was essentially sentenced to death, same as the Mountain (“You know who’s coming for you.” – Clegane).
Most importantly, though, we witnessed the death of innocence and virtue as we all celebrated that steamy Targaryen aunt-on-nephew incestuous action.
I think the main problem is that they ran out of book material. They’re not adapting work but essentially going off of George RR Martin’s bullet points scribbled on a napkin.
That’s why the writing and dialogue feels rushed and screwy.
Dead on. I wish more critics understood.
You’re right, it was fantastic.
1. Agreed, but that could be said for this entire season. They took 2-3 seasons worth of material and crammed it into 7 episodes.
2. Uhhh, pretty much the devil/master manipulator of Westeros had his comeuppance.
3. Bran is going to be key in having a psychic battle vs The Night King or warging into the undead dragon. Hope they stay away from time travel and paradoxes.
4. Dragon Magic cancels out the Wall magic. Or Bran’s mark helped like it did in the cave.
5. Incest among Royalty is very common in real life. The Queen and Prince Phillip are both second and third cousins, and all European monarchs are related to either Queen Victoria or King Charles IX of Denmark. But agreed nudity was wasted.
6. Agreed, see point 1.
7. They’re obviously all fucked and everyone is going to die.
People being killed doesn’t make for a good episode, unless the death makes sense. Why would they kill someone, if it didn’t move the plot forward.
Bran can see everything, but that doesn’t mean he already has, how would he have known to look at the wedding, if he didn’t know it happened. Also, bran doesn’t really have emotion, after seeing what he has seen. It would have been very out of character for him to give some one liner to LF.
The magic holding the white walkers back was removed when Bran came back through the wall.
I woulda liked some more boobies.
Tons happened, Jon was legitimized as the rightful heir to the throne, we got Gendry back, Ice Dragon, Dany teamed up to fight the AoTD, Jamie left Cersei, The starks are back at winterfell. Sam healed jorah …
Nah.