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Picture this: you’re out to dinner with your friends. Drinks are flowing, food is hitting the spot, and conversations are thriving. Then, the check gets placed with a fake “no rush at all!” from the waiter. After a few quick glances to your left and right – all that fun exits and the new pain sets in. Everyone hates this part – but what’s worse? The excruciating 5 minute ordeal about to occur, or being those assholes that ask the waiter to split up the checks 6 ways? Below are the different types of people at every dinner outing when trying to pay the bill.
Jessica: the first one to grab the check. She takes a pen out of her purse and immediately starts going on her calculator app. She flips over the receipt and neatly prints her last name, the last 4 digits of her credit card, and the amount (not including tip). She lets everyone know exactly how much to add onto their total for the appetizer and tax. Hates when anyone tries to pay with cash, as it messes EVERYTHING up.
Haley: she’ll order an appetizer for the table without consulting anyone except for a quick “is everyone good with mozz sticks?” (while the waiter looks on, no less, impatient and annoyed that they didn’t discuss this before he walked over.) At the end of the meal, she tries to overpower Jessica and simply tosses her card in the middle of the table and tells everyone to split it evenly, which upsets Tiffany.
Tiffany: had one less round of beers than everyone else, and didn’t take any of the mozzarella sticks. She purposely did both of these things to pay $8 less, but is far too timid to actually speak up when the time comes. She will be passive aggressive for the remainder of the night, and text her boyfriend about how her “friends” just don’t understand that she doesn’t make as much as them! Ugh.
Mike: the one who pays cash. In addition to paying cash, he only has $20 bills. His portion came to $42, so he throws in $40 hoping no one will notice. (hint: Jessica notices and tries to get him to ask the waiter for change). He does this because while Jessica is annoying, she is also hot.
Zack: the one who didn’t listen to Jessica and doesn’t add any money for the appetizer and tax which ends up screwing over Jason. This is not his first offence. Coincidentally, he is also the guy that power-housed the mozzarella sticks. In fact, no one really knows why he keeps getting invited?
Jason: the poor, poor soul who is last in the rotation of check passing. The unofficial duty lies in him to double check everyone’s math and make sure the totals add up. He mumbles under his breath about how someone messed up but too easy going to call out Zack; therefore, he has no choice but to make up for the $20+ deficit. Him and Tiffany find solace in one another afterwards, and continue to complain about everyone else for the rest of the night.
With these friends in the back of your mind, go forth and enjoy your dinners out – until you have to pay for it, that is..