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At our age, we spend about a quarter of our life at work. While that statistic shocks and horrifies all the new graduates and is sadly accepted by everyone else, I’m not here to bitch about that. What I am here to bitch about is that most of that time is spent in a cheap office chair that was passed down from fat ass to fat ass until its springs sag and one wheel falls off. That might be the standard, but there are many other desk chair options, and none of them were created equal. Here they are, ranked for your pleasure.
7. No chair (standing desk)
Everyone who’s flexing their typing muscles and preparing to comment about the benefits of standing vs. sitting all day can shut the fuck up. I spent the last year of my life working labor jobs and I can’t tell you how excited I am to sit on my ass all fucking day for the rest of my life. Sure, standing desks are better for your circulation and overall health, but at what cost? Burning calves? Sore feet? Everyone in the office thinking you’re a douchebag? No. Standing is for peasants, I will sit like a king.
6. A yoga ball
This may be the only option more insufferable than a standing desk. You get all the douchey smugness of the standing guy, but everyone still thinks you’re a lazy sack for sitting on a ball. If you want to work your core, go do some planks like everyone else. Bouncing around like a four year old one on of those Moon Hoppers isn’t going to magically give you a six-pack; it’ll just make everyone hate you. The only reason I don’t have it in last place is that there’s a good chance at some point you’ll eat it and bruise your tailbone, and the laughter that follows is good for office morale.
5. The box your chair came in
Closing deals is a 24/7 job, baby, and no one has time to unpack and put together a chair when you’re slinging emails and making calls. I mean, realistically, you definitely have time, but I respect your commitment to pretending to be busy. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – most of making it in your career is acting busy, regardless of how hard you’re actually working. Sitting on a cardboard box containing a chair just screams, “I’m too busy worrying about the bottom line to spend five minutes with a wrench.” Or maybe, “I’m too lazy to put together a fucking chair.” I’m not sure.
4. Mesh Task Chair
If your office gives you this, they hate you. But don’t worry, they hate everyone. That’s why they bought 400 of these for the bulk price of $99.00 and gave them to every employee not important enough to warrant an office. The lack of lumbar support hurts my back just from looking at it, and you already know the height adjusting lever is stuck in a position that’s either too high or too low. If you decide you’re tired of your feet swinging above the ground like a kid on a stool and want to lower it, the lever will break, and you will be forced to sit with your knees above your chest for the rest of your career. Keep this one in the box and sit on that instead.
3. Realspace Harrington II Highback Chair
Just read the name of this puppy and tell me you wouldn’t feel more important sitting in it. It’s got numerals in the name, for god’s sake. “Harrington II” is the last name of a guy who would bully the shit out of you in prep school, and you’d be a better person for it. Look at that faux leather (even on the armrests!) That just screams “middle management with an office view of the parking lot.” At only $199.99, this baby is a steal. They say dress for the job you want, and I say once you wheel this bitch into your cube, you’ll get a promotion within 48 hours.
2. Meelano Italian Leather
I’ve got two words for you. Italian. Leather. Is this chair comfortable? Fuck no, but then again neither is being the VP of a company. You have to make all the decisions, knowing full well that if you fuck up, it’s your head on the chopping block. Hell, even if the CEO fucks up, it’s your head on the chopping block. Live fast, and die in a beautiful desk chair. That’s the American dream. Hell, this thing even looks fast. Obviously hotshot VPs of Business Development don’t have wheelie chair races down their carpet-lined hallways, but if they did, you just know this thing would smoke the competition.
1. RFM 22011Verte Ergonomic Chair
While VPs might be all about style and speed, CEOs are all about comfort. You don’t get to be the head boss without having a certain gravitas about you and that gravitas needs a comfy-ass chair to sit in. Just fucking look at this thing. If the last chair was a Ferrari, this is a motherfucking Rolls Royce. I can count eleven different adjustable lumbar supports on the back of this thing and a headrest. This chair looks like it could be mounted in a space shuttle for take off. It could be used by a chiropractor to adjust your back if need be. This chair is for one thing, and one thing only: fuckin’. If you buy this thing, you’re not only telling the world you can drop $1,400 on a chair, you’re putting all the secretaries and interns in your company on blast. Someone is going to be ergonomically pounded on this sex throne, and it will likely end in a lawsuit and possible termination. But that’s okay with you, because you’ve got old money and a house in the Hamptons to retire to, baby..
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Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
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What about the couch?
No electric chair? Death is truly the only way out of the corporate world at this point lol
I think 99% of all offices have Mesh Task Chair and 99% of all conference rooms have Realspace Harrington II Highback Chair
And as long as there are no client meetings scheduled, you have a Realspace Harrington II Highback chair and the conference rooms have Mesh Task chairs.
I work in an open office layout where you have the option for a mesh chair, yoga ball, or standing desk. Well, today was a good day. Our office yoga ball acrobat missed the dismount on one of her more powerful bounces and not only went down hard, but took her keyboard and monitor with her.
Can confirm standing all day is bullshit.
I desperately hope for a study to come out that says standing all day at work gives you gout or something just to shut the yuppies up.
I think people just like to make excuses as to why they’re out of shape. “It’s because I sit all day…” Well yeah that doesn’t help, but neither does the cheeseburger you bought for lunch or the fact you haven’t seen a gym in years.
I don’t trust people that have a standing desk.
New office has adjustable desks so I can stand or sit whenever I please. Very nice
I have a standing desk and a chair if need be. I just adjust the height of my monitors depending on whether I’m sitting or standing. Sitting for 8+ hours a day was terrible so I’m pretty happy with being able to shake it up
Once we got set up with a Varidesk, I can’t go back. I’d go crazy sitting all day now
Got moved to a standing desk that came with a tall wooden chair “in case I didn’t want to stand all day.” Expecting to share back pain similar to that of my 86 year old grandmother within the year.