The Cubicle Warrior’s Double Life: Police Chase

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Ben walked into work a little late after his Uber driver decided to take the long way. He really wanted to worry about where his Tahoe was, but he had an important meeting with a very important client that he could not miss. He figured Jake had woken up a little early and was driving the llama back to the petting zoo. He crushed up an Addy and stirred it into his coffee as he sat down at his desk to knock through some emails.

One of his coworkers from down the hall busted through his door. “You have to see this! Go to Channel 5’s website and watch the live stream!”

Ben was always up for a good distraction so he looked right away. What he saw next took his breath away. There was a high-speed chase on the interstate outside of town, but as he looked closely, he noticed a vehicle that he recognized all too well. Was that his Tahoe? He then looked at the headline at the bottom of the screen.

High-Speed Police Chase Involving Man And A Llama

Well, at least he knew where his Tahoe was. And Jake. Jake, the worst driver he had ever seen. Ben didn’t know if he should continue to watch the live stream, call Jake, or just start drinking the whiskey in his desk drawer. He quickly put everything in the back of his head and got ready to head to the board room for the meeting with the client.

He walked into the room to see multiple representatives of the client along with some senior leadership from his company. He was well prepared for the presentation minus the pegging thought in the back of his head that his friend, probably with a BAC north of .15, was running from the police in his vehicle with a llama leaning out of the backseat. Ben crushed the presentation as expected and sat down for the discussion and negotiating to follow. As senior leadership discussed prices with the client, Ben’s phone began to light up on the conference room table. It was the degenerate group chat, and not only were Nick and Dylan watching the live stream, but Jake was giving them live updates from the police chase. He told the boys he was going to try to get enough distance from the cops, lose the helicopter, and ditch the Tahoe. He told Ben he should call in and report the Tahoe as stolen so that they wouldn’t make him the suspect. He told the squad once he was out of the Tahoe he would figure out his next step.

The guy next to Ben gave him a hard nudge because one of the client’s representatives had asked him a question but he was too busy staring at his phone. Ben quickly piped up, “Sorry about that, someone just told me that my vehicle was stolen and the police chase is being broadcasted live on Channel 5. If you’ll excuse me one second I need to call the police.” Ben stepped out and called the cops. They told him they would try to bring the suspect to a stop without harming the vehicle. Ben already expected the worst at this point and walked back into the boardroom. The client had already accepted the deal and informed senior management that it was Ben’s presentation that sold them. They thanked him very much and left, and one of the VPs in the room told Ben to expect a heavy bonus and go ahead and take the rest of the day off so he could figure out his stolen car situation.

He went back to his office to check the live stream and pack up. The Tahoe was found unoccupied near some railroad tracks outside of town and the llama was just lying down in the backseat. Ben texted the group chat to let the guys know he was off early and was ready to help with whatever necessary. Dylan told Ben to meet them at their favorite bar in town and they would update him. Ben got an Uber and headed there.

When he walked in, he saw Dylan and Nick and sat down at their table. Before he could say a word he saw Jake walking back from the bar with four glasses of bourbon in hand. “Your boy almost got felony number two today but I made it out alive, let’s celebrate!”.

Image via Shutterstock

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Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Delph

I'm just a cultured redneck that coaches hoops.

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