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Having been somewhere in my 20-30th business trip, I feel it would be a failure on my part to not use my experiences to give others some insight. I’ve made quite a few rookie mistakes over the past three years, and as they say, a stupid person never learns from their mistakes, a smart person learns from their mistakes and a genius learns from the mistakes of others.
Remember, you’re playing away from home, so one of the greatest strengths (having access to your full set of stuff) is now a weakness. Learn to play on the road and your team will win championships.
Be prepared.
This goes without saying. It is the golden rule of the business trip and an overarching theme to this article. Preparation is an institution and an ideology. Learn it, live it, love it.
There is a fine line between having too much and being underprepared. There is limited room, whether you’re flying, driving or taking mass transit. Space is an issue. If you’re in the public sector like me, there are few times for enjoyment, so leisure time is usually spent watching Dodgeball or Jumanji for the 76th time. My coworkers happen to enjoy having a good time, and we use some of our valuable cargo space to smuggle beer and wine.
Bring a spare set of business casual.
Along the same lines of being prepared, having a spare set of clothing is imperative. You never know when you may spill something on yourself, crap yourself or have some Happy Gilmore’s final golf shot level of unlikeliness happen to you.
On one trip, I spilled queso on my shirt, giving the appearance of lactation. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind and knew that this was a very real scenario. Some less slobby people may think they are above using their precious space for a spare set of clothes but I promise, it’s the difference between shelling out money for a new shirt (if you even have time), using your spare shirt you thoughtfully packed or being known as queso tits for the remainder of your employment. Which brings me to my next point….
Punctuality
In life’s rat race, you can never really predict what odds and ends, curveballs or general adversity will be thrown your way. Giving yourself some extra time to be on time is a lifesaver. My rule is this: give yourself an extra 15 minutes to finish something up when you know how long it will take, and be 15 minutes early for your engagement. This gives you time to caffeinate, go over your notes one more time, set your fantasy football lineup while you still have Wi-Fi or run over to the mall and grab an overpriced Polo because you spilled shit on yourself. You don’t want to be the reason for the hold up or make your group late.
Take it easy
This past trip, I made a rookie mistake. I admit it, it was a dumbass idea. We went to an awesome local burrito place and as a fan of spicy food, the chicken burrito with habanero death sauce sang to me like a siren. While I didn’t shit myself, my stomach was on the fritz for the entire trip. I dared not drink coffee to evoke the fiery habanero demon shit that was brewing in my gut. It also made the trip home in a small car with my two bosses and work wife even worse because the black beans and habanero death sauce really synergized, reminding me of the “beans, beans” song. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t make another rookie mistake…
Bring the right toiletries
Remember the golden rule of “be prepared?” Man, I would have done anything for a TUMS. Coupled with the need for an Ibuprofen from the balmy car conditions my female coworkers required in the car ride down (yours truly had the only experience driving an SUV as I own one), falling asleep was miserable. My stomach felt like I swallowed a hot coal and my head cold was giving me the business. At least I remembered to bring my toothbrush and toothpaste, so I had that going for me which was nice.
Go the fuck to sleep
This one is a no brainer. Get enough sleep so you don’t look like a zombie the next morning. While coffee may make this easier, there’s nothing worse than being over-caffeinated in a five hour, boring ass meeting.
Take inventory
As a man, I go into a full-blown panic when I can’t find my wallet, cellphone or car keys. Seeing as a business trip usually entails going somewhere where a day trip cannot accomplish the goal, remembering to bring all your shit is imperative, as is bringing it home. Leaving your cellphone or laptop charger in the wall sucks when you’re driving down the highway 45 minutes into your return journey. Do you really want to play Russian Roulette with the hotel and hope the employees “find” your Clarks? Make a list of all the essentials and give it the Santa treatment (check that shit twice) to avoid this issue. Forgetting your laptop, cell phone charger, notes or other key essentials could be at best an inconvenience and at worst, get your fired.
In all, I am not a huge fan of traveling. Like conference calls, it is a necessary evil and part of why they pay you and I the big bucks. Keep the goal in mind, eyes on the prize and grind it out because sooner or later, you’ll get to go home and not have to stay in that piece of shit hotel with bleach smelling starchy sheets for a while. Hoist up the John B’s sails, I wanna go home..
Image via Shutterstock
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Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
It’s also a good idea in general, but I recommend bringing cash as well. Many times I visit small towns with plants and some of the restaurants don’t accept credit cards or at least not the one that corporate offers. I also recommend saving crap on your desktop of thumb drive. It sucks being at the mercy of shotty network connections.
Re network connections: If you have unlimited data get the hotspot activated on your phone (not by carrier) or, easier, unlocked Google Nexus that runs stock Android ships with it enabled — the old model goes for sub $200 used/refurb and just swap sims when you travel.
Great suggestions, especially the cash. I’m fortunate to work with many work mom’s that have covered me in the event of forgotten cash.
Great advice as always, Madoff. Only thing I would add is never forget your swimsuit. How many opportunities do you have to swim in an indoor pool? I get to spend half of next week at the La Quinta Inn in Fargo. Should have plenty of time to work on perfecting my jack knife for next summer.
I bring a swimsuit on ALL trips. You never know where there will be a hot tub and I don’t want to feel left out. :/
I feel like swimsuits are typically optional for the hot tub, especially after you and your coworkers grab “a couple drinks” at (insert chain restaurant here).
Read my mind on this. Also, I love the “Lawrence” account. Great reference.
Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.
I just lost it at my desk. Thanks Lawrence.
Ha those Gifs made me laugh as well. Happy Friday.
Psssh, your travel game is weak. Driving trips?
Know your teammates and their bosses. I’ve found there are two philosophies, the guys who want a decent meal every night, and the guys who will eat Chipotle and Panera for dinner 3 nights and hit Ruth’s Chris on night 4. Figure that out early in the game.
Figure out who is going to charge the big night out (my boss is lenient, others aren’t) and who is going to pick up the smaller tabs so you don’t dump it all on the same guy and can plan ahead.
Don’t be afraid to buy your own burrito or sandwich, and then write up that $400 bar bill for 5 people as “dinner”.
Goes without saying, no itemized receipts.
Prioritize travel times A) by flying during work hours and B) around important (sporting) events. You really want to take the 6PM out of Cleveland on a Thursday night so you can be back in the office Friday morning, missing Thursday night football? Rookie move. Take the 8AM (not the 10AM, that’s too obvious) back Friday morning and roll into work for a solid 3-4 hour work day Friday. You earned it.
No one is going to know or care if you parked off site at the airport or right in the VIP garage up front. The difference is probably $75, significant to you and me but Acme Co. doesn’t care. “The far garage was full” card is always ready to be pulled and never able to be verified. Nothing like stepping off the plane right into your car without shuttle/taxi/etc.
No connecting flights. And no connecting flights means you can gate check your “slightly bigger than allowed” carry on. You don’t want to be dealing with it. Remember to tell your flight attendant “the lady at the gate said I could have a free drink for gate checking my bag?”
Cool bro.
If I did any one of these, I’d be fired. We typically drive everywhere because of tax cuts (healthcare and education are the first parts that get cut when budget cuts come along. My job is related to healthcare) and because no one flies for a three hour drive. We have a person that sets up all my travel.
I guess you missed the part where I work in the public sector. We get a per diem. As a vessel of protecting and stretching the American tax payer’s dollar as far as it can go, I do what I can. Don’t try so hard next time.
“Don’t try so hard next time” – PGP
Yea not sure what company you work for but as a guy that is a road warrior and done it for multiple companies this advice would get you fired. Nice try chief.
F100. And other F100 places. This is all perfectly commonplace. And grey at worst in most cases.
Bring cocaine. Business people fucking love cocaine for some weird reason. And take photographs, good photographs and definitely share them on social media and tag everyone in the photos. And caption something cliche like “just closed the biggest client deal before fiscal year end! See me.” Obviously.
Not one for the nose candy. My nose is still messed up from a hockey stick to the face.
Me either man but I’ve been on quite a few trips and also photogrpahed some for other companies and it’s everywhere. I hear that about the hockey stick, broke my nose from a high stick in juniors.
I played varsity and travel for most of my life. Busted open elbow, stitches in my chin and bridge of my nose. Never made it to juniors though, at best I’d have been a B leaguer. Now it’s just beer league and some adult travel.
Beer leagues are the greatest man especially for hockey.