The 27 Worst Things A Girl Can Do On The First Date

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First dates are the interview portion of the application for the job of significant other. You review your life accomplishments, future goals, and sometimes even past experiences. And just like in a job interview, despite being the perfect applicant on paper, a disastrous meet and greet can squash your hopes of candidacy.

There are distinct signs that your first date is heading for relationship unemployment. Here are the 25 worst things a girl can do on the first date.

1. She crawls underneath the table and re-emerges with her cell phone plugged into the wall.
2. She accidentally texts you, “911! Train wreck!!!” intending to reach her best friend.
3. She tosses back her birth control after letting, “Oh shit, I always forget,” slip out.
4. Cry.
5. Any sort of crying. A person in their early-to-mid-20s should be able to hold their emotions together in public.
6. She takes a 30-minute bathroom break and returns to the table sweating bullets.
7. She pulls her own steak knife out of her purse.
8. She live-tweets the date with a hashtag she made up, “#TrueLuvTake2 #lol #whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustronger #KellyClarkson”
9. She de-friends you from Facebook while you are in the bathroom.
10. She asks the waiter what his plans are for the weekend.
11. She says, “Old habits die hard,” after accidentally walking into the men’s room.
12. She tells you to create a diversion as she stuffs the condiments into her tote.
13. She pops some Adderall “in case the conversation is as boring as your text exchanges.”
14. She compares the date to charging a dinner to a dumb client.
15. She not so subtly mentions her ring size three times.
16. She doesn’t attempt to cover up the legs she has neglected to shave for the last month.
17. She requests the song “I Will Always Love You” from the restaurant quartet.
18. She starts reading a magazine during your promotion story.
19. She asks you how much you make in a year. After telling her, she says “prove it.”
20. She Instagrams her meal at the table.
21. Her ex just finished his 5-year prison sentence for stabbing the last guy she dated.
22. She looks eerily similar to someone from one of those Teen Mom shows…almost identical.
23. She says, “Just bring the bottle,” after you order your second round of G&Ts.
24. She orders an extra full meal to-go before the check comes.
25. She was dropped off by her mom.
26. She says her spirit animal is Anne Perkins. Actually, she says “spirit animal” at all.
27. She leaves her number on the receipt for the waiter.

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Hey, I saw this on Post Grad Problems. Check it out.

Andy Bernard