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Just yesterday at lunch, I said to the squad, “Man, money is the sole thing I stress about.” They concurred, and we began telling stories about how a $10,000 accident could make or break us for foreseeable future. It’s scary-ass shit, you guys. I mean, just last month someone hit-and-run’d my whip and it’s been on my mind ever since. I mean, fuck, I need to start raking it in.
Then this list of the “20 Best High-Paying Jobs In America” came out and I was all like, “There we go, just what Daddy needed.” A shopping list for what I need to do to get ahead in life and dominate.
But just know going into this that it’s based on a bunch of factors. Per Business Insider, the rankings determined “the best occupations in the country based on median salary, employment rate, growth, job prospects, stress level, and work-life balance.”
The top twenty best high-paying jobs are as follows:
20. Optometrist (Mean annual salary: $113,010)
19. Business operations manager (Mean annual salary: $117,200)
18. Pharmacist (Mean annual salary: $118,470)
17. Sales manager (Mean annual salary: $126,040)
16. Financial manager (Mean annual salary: $130,230)
15. Lawyer (Mean annual salary: $133,470)
14. IT manager (Mean annual salary: $136,280)
13. Marketing manager (Mean annual salary: $137,400)
12. Podiatrist (Mean annual salary: $137,480)
11. Prosthodontist (Mean annual salary: $142,830)
10. Nurse anesthetist (Mean annual salary: $158,900)
9. Dentist (Mean annual salary: $166,810)
8. Pediatrician (Mean annual salary: $175,400)
7. Psychiatrist (Mean annual salary: $182,700)
6. Physician (Mean annual salary: $190,530)
5. Orthodontist (Mean annual salary: $201,030)
4. Obstetrician and gynecologist (Mean annual salary: $214,750)
3. Oral and maxillofacial surgeon (Mean annual salary: $219,600)
2. Surgeon (Mean annual salary: $240,440)
1. Anesthesiologist (Mean annual salary: $246,320)
Now, I know I’m not qualified for any job that ends in “-ist” and I know I don’t have the proper schooling to become a lawyer or doctor… but you’re trying to tell me that being a fucking foot doctor is a better high-paying job than a professional baseball player whose minimum salary is $300,000? Yeah, right.
“But Will, it’s based on employment rate and job prospects too.” I know that, you numbskulls. But don’t the stress level, salary, and work-life balance kinda outweigh how hard it is to become a pro baseball player or a fucking goon in the NHL? I’d rather dedicate my lowly life to being on the PGA Champion’s Tour than get paid less money to look at infected vaginas as a gyno. Truth hurts, but hey, do you want to look back at your life knowing that you could’ve been a pro athlete only to know that you spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on school just to assess old lady bunions? That’s what I thought.
Give yourself a shot and become a movie star, fly fishing guide, blogger, or professional athlete. “Thank me later.” — Drake .
[via Business Insider]
Image via Unsplash
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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I used to work at a liquor store so that’s kinda like being a pharmacist.
I’d stare at pussy all day for $214K
You could manage a strip club, but I doubt they’d pay you $214k
Taking on student debt, though outrageous, is an investment just like anything else. I’ll defend my choice of grad school; 4 more years of living young, guaranteed job and job satisfaction, and walking into a healthy salary.
Realizing your job title is #13 on this list while you’re making half of the mean salary. PGP.
Yeah, what the hell man? Something tells me there are a few MMs that should be directors or VPs that are completely throwing off the average.
#16 for the win. Being way under the mean salary for the loss.
Being the outlier. PGP
I would be willing to guess that professional athletes are excluded because there are many pros in minor leagues who make considerably less and bring the median down dramatically, but are nonetheless professionals.
These people are gonna need that extra salary to overcome what I assume is an Everest-sized mountain of student loan debt which has been accruing since their pledge days.
Well I am a sales manager of the whole US, but make nowhere near $126k. PGP
FYI, Thanks Obama
Mlb player minimum salary is slightly over 500k. Average NFL back up QB pulls in 1.6 milly…my job pulls in just slightly lower than enough to support my drinking habits
17. Sales manager (Mean annual salary: $126,040)
Is this a mistake? I’ve seen The Office…