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Thwack. The sound of a golf ball as it explodes off my seven iron is one of the sweetest sounds in the world. Although I’ve never been a huge fan of the sport, largely because of my experiences growing up as part of a country club and the fact it’s as slow as watching paint dry, I can’t deny that a session at the driving range can be incredibly relaxing. Unlike actually playing 18, where frustration and discouragement can seep in with every shot you slice or top, at the driving range it’s easily forgotten. You can block out everything, drink, talk, and think.
It was the perfect time to hit the driving range as well: dusk on a weeknight. Specifically, a Tuesday, around 7 p.m. My dad and I had been talking all week about some of my career struggles. As many of you probably guessed, I’ve been having some thoughts about whether I want to change jobs. It’s not just that I don’t like my current job (though that is true), but more that I don’t know where I want to go next. So, at a crossroads and not knowing where I might be in the next six months, my dad said the exact right thing: “Let me take you out and hit some golf balls and we’ll talk it over.”
Thwack. “I just don’t feel like there is anything else I can do at this company. I know that’s weird to say, since I’ve only been working there for a year. But the culture there is just so… corporate. The people who succeed are all ass-kissers who drink the corporate Kool-Aid. Meanwhile, it feels like the serfs below them are just expendable fodder that grind it out day after day for no recognition or reward.”
Thwack. “Unfortunately kid, that is kind of the name of the game in almost all large corporations.”
Thwack. “So how do I advance and grow in that sort of environment? Just be a kiss-ass?”
My dad took a step back, leaning on his Callaway driver like a cane.
“Josh, I know this can be hard to swallow but to your management, you are just a nameless unit. They don’t care if you live, die, or put in a hundred hours a week. If you want a raise, if you want a promotion, if you want recognition, you can’t do it in someone else’s shadow. You need to do whatever you can to show that you have more value than they’re compensating you for. From what you’ve told me in the past, it sounds like this company isn’t giving you the opportunity to grow. Maybe it’s time to move on.”
Holding the seven iron in my gloved hand, I grimace. “I don’t know if they’re not giving me opportunities to grow. It’s more like I can’t take advantage, you know?”
I’m always my own biggest critic. I like to think that it’s a mechanism to keep me grounded, but in reality it’s just a manifestation of my own self-doubts. My natural reaction when something goes wrong is to blame myself, consider whether I could have done something to change the outcome. My dad knows this; he’s the one who’s largely drilled the idea into my mind to be accountable for your own faults.
“Son, answer me this: In your heart of hearts, are you giving your best effort?”
With a shrug I reply, “I guess. I mean, I am making mistakes, but I also feel like I’m learning and improving. But they don’t care about the improvements; they just focus on the mistakes. Which I get — they shouldn’t need to pat my head for doing my job well, but it’s kind of demoralizing to know that even if I make improvements, the end result is they just find something else to criticize. Like unless my effort just produces flawless results, it feels like it’s not even worth it.”
Thwack. “Is your boss able to help you with those mistakes?”
Thwack. “No. I mean, it’s kind of a joke around the office. He’s always talking about ‘making resources available to us,’ but it’s just empty words. He hands off all his problems to someone else because he can’t fix them himself. He provides no support on projects, really doesn’t have any idea how the day-to-day work functions, and he’s quick to blame us when things go wrong. It’s like, if his boss asked him to be more involved in helping me, he’d be slightly more useful than the new interns.”
Thwack. “Then how did he advance to be in charge?”
Thwack. “Like I said, he’s a kiss-ass who drinks the Kool-Aid. He’s been here for years and he’s one of those ‘professional managers’ whose only purpose is to direct traffic I guess.”
After another long drive, my dad sets down the driver. “This doesn’t sound like a very well-run company to be honest. From what you told me, they are getting production at the expense of their employees. That’s not a good way to run a business. One thing I’ve always known is that my job as a manager is to insulate my employees from the clients. I handle the clients’ complaints and concerns, relay that to the people on the project to let them do their job. It doesn’t sound like your manager does that. It sounds like he’s not involved at all with the clients, lets them walk all over you, and puts the blame on you when you can’t put out the fires he should be dousing.
“And no one can succeed in an environment like that. No one can succeed when you have no support and feel unappreciated. I mean, you’ve already told me that they’ve had six or seven people leave in the last year from a team of ten? That’s a lot of turnover for a group that small. That’s indicative of a bigger problem than you and any mistakes you might make.”
“But I am making mistakes.”
Thwack. “But mistakes are part of life, kid. They’re opportunities to improve. And if this company isn’t giving you the opportunity to grow from your mistakes, it’s not a good one. A manager should never look to fire someone who has shown the desire and skills needed to do the job. The only reason I ever fired people was because they were stealing, they were being vulgar, or they were being lazy. You are not doing any of those things. So if they aren’t going to find a way to use your skills, frankly they don’t deserve your skills.”
“But it still feels like I failed, you know? I mean, other people are having an easy time finding opportunities to advance, so why can’t I?”
“It might just be that this isn’t the job for you. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s a difference between not being suited for a job, and not being with a good company. Because a good company will find you the right job, not toss you to the wolves at the first sign of adversity.”
Thwack, thwack. We both hit a long drive — mine slicing badly — before he turns to me.
“Josh, you’re an incredibly smart and talented young man. Yes, it’s important to give your best no matter what you’re doing, but you can’t live being this miserable. Nobody is going to succeed doing something that doesn’t bring them any satisfaction. Life is too short and you have too much to give to waste time at a company that doesn’t appreciate you and a job you’re not suited for.”
“So you think I should quit?”
“Can you think of a single reason to keep your job other than the money?”
This was the question I had been asking myself for months, and the answer was a resounding “no.”
“Then that’s your answer.”
Thwack. “Yeah the only problem is that I need money to live.”
Thwack. “I’m not saying quit tomorrow, but I am saying that your focus shouldn’t be on this job. As shitty as that is to say, you shouldn’t be wasting energy and worries on a job you know you won’t be doing a year from now. Especially when the company hasn’t shown the same investment and care in return. Start using your PTO days, focus on the job search, put more time into your writing. Do enough to stay at this job as long as you can, but don’t worry about keeping this job. It’s not worth it stressing over getting paid at a job you can’t stand when you should be thinking about what will make you happy. Money is a means to an end. It makes life easier when you have it, but there’s no point if your life is that much harder getting it.”
Thwack. The ball explodes off my seven iron and lands 160 yards away, stiff. Three balls remain at my feet from the bucket we bought. My dad knocks them all away. “That’s the shot you end on.”.
Respond
@joshetyler
@joshetyler
Something that I think gets missed is the generational differences between management and us peons at large companies. When they were our age boomers typically were enrolled in the company’s pension which is dependent on years worked, which makes changing companies extremely unattractive due to delayed retirement. This helped make it okay to do the shit jobs for a few years because they werent going anywhere anyway, and after the first five or so years they weren’t new anymore and could start to pass theshit jobs off to the new new person and really start to show off their talent and value. Pensions made it make sense to “do your time” because youre still working toward your goals while doing it. Obviously pensions aren’t really a thing anymore which isntnecessarily a bad thing, it just means us peons now need as much money as we can get now to be able to afford to retire. That means we need to show we are superstars asap, and if not immediately rewarded, put it on a resume and whore yourself out to the highest bidder. We dont really have time to sit around and do the shit jobs because the most important part of compound interest is time. Somehow management doesn’t understand this and cant figure out why the people who have been pushing paper for three years dont feel like sticking around and waiting to be given a chance to show what they can do. TLDR: Do stuff to fill out a resume so you can sell yourself to your next employer.
That’s good advice. I feel like whenever I complain about my job my dad just pushes me to go to graduate school without really telling me what’s it’ll do for me besides keep me miserable.
Josh already went to grad school. He’s a law guy.
I figured, I’m just venting about my situation
Don’t go to grad school unless you are sure about what you want to do for a career. It’s a lot more work and a lot less fun than undergrad. My cohort started with 15 and is down to 8.
That being said it’s a great way to gain a lot of information very quickly.
Do you feel like it actually made a difference for your earnings/advancement? I recently was chatting with my boss and she tells me that she gives ZERO advantage to people with graduate degrees. It’s all about experience for her (I’m sure many hiring managers think this way)
Most dads are smart and won’t give you advice until you can come to an answer yourself. Maybe tell pops you are done with school/job and you have found something different (actually explore your options), then maybe the advice will come.
I have, a second degree just doesn’t seem worth it to me. As an Asian, it’s more of a cultural expectation than anything else
Some of my most valuable conversations and decisions have been had and made out on the driving range.
I’ve stopped talking to my dad about work. I work in a call center, my dad is a retired mechanic whose ideas about work are stuck in 1972.
This hit home for me
Stock photo – thoughts on carrying an alignment stick? most of my problems can be fixed with alignment, but definitely seems like a hardo move
My dad was valedictorian of his law class and busted his hump 60-80 a week for 15 years at the corporate firm, so his expectations for work are a little different than most millenials. Side note: 160 yard 7-iron… time to hit the gym.
160 yard 7-iron is pretty strong considering the average tour pro hits one from 165-180 yards…I bet you use iron covers
Chase low scores not distance
I’m probably way off on this and it’s not a popular opinion but it seems that a lot of millenials lack drive or motivation to exceed in the workplace. Seems like most just do what they have to do to move to a different company, or simply make it to the weekend. I haven’t met too many extremely driven and hardworking millenials that are actually laser focused on achieving success. It’s more about slugging through the week to make it to the weekend to spend money on things you can’t afford to impress people you don’t know. I’m sure there are lots of motivated folks out there but it appears that the “cool” thing to do is to lack motivation and appear better off than you are. Just my 2 cents.