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This column isn’t going to be me telling you to move to California. I’ve lived in California for two years now and sure, it has all the incredible things you either know or have imagined about it. It also has the highest taxes, horrible traffic and restaurants that literally don’t serve you water. No, this isn’t going to be me telling you to move to California.
I was living in the town I grew up in. If you could call it living. Going through the motions at a job I despised and working for people I wouldn’t have pissed on if they were on fire. Every November crawling under a blanket for the next six months until it was no longer colder than outer space outside. Probably getting married to a girl who seemed “exotic” because she was from Indiana or Michigan, two states that were 45 minutes away. I was going to work in the city and move to the suburbs when I had kids. And eventually, I would die.
I would have had really good reasons for doing those things too. Work at that job to pay off that student loan debt. Stay nearby to be close to my family and friends. Move to the suburbs to save money and marry that girl because that’s what she would have naturally wanted. These reasons would put a set of expectations on me that eventually would become rules to live by.
Well, I’ve never been very good at following rules.
So instead of listening to those reasons and playing by those rules, I moved to California.
Sure, I partially moved because the Capital R was out here. But also because since about the age of 16 I had wanted to do it. Up until that point, I had done everything that people in my life had wanted me to do. And I hated probably every minute of it. This was the first time, ever, that I pushed all my chips into the center of the table and waited to see what cards I was dealt.
Two years later, it’s safe to say that decision was the best I’ve ever made. I am without a doubt the happiest I’ve ever been. When I go home to visit and I’m asked how my life out here is, all I can say is, “I have zero to complain about.” I’m sure it won’t stay that way. I’m not even sure if I’ll stay here forever. But at least I’ll be able to look back down the road and say THAT, that right there is when I made a decision entirely of my own volition.
So this is the part where I turn to you, imaginary reader, and tell you the one thing to take away from this whole, rambling, not funny tale. That is to live your life according to the way it makes sense for you. Not for your teachers, your parents, the idiots from high school who you’re still Facebook friends with and certainly not that Midwest 6 you’ve been dating since college. Think long and hard about what you’ve always wanted to do and consider what a lifetime of regret would feel like if you don’t. Stop what you’re doing. Go out and find your California. .
Image via Shutterstock
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JR Hickey
Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.
@JRwilldoit
@JRwilldoit
I’m not sure where my California is, but I really hope it has lower tax rates and less lefties.
Pretty sure my California is NC. A nice, highly-educated swing state with the landscape of Idaho but warm…and beaches.
North Carolina is God’s country. Headed to Asheville for a mountain weekend with the boys next weekend, can’t wait.
Going somewhere for a “weekend with the boys.” PGP.
– Going to Asheville
– Doesn’t like being “surrounded by lefties”
Does not compute.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to Asheville, but it’s easy to see past the hippies once you’ve tasted some beer at one of fourteen local breweries or hiked in the surrounding mountains. God bless it.
You can stay drunk enough in Asheville (especially at Wicked Weed) where you wouldn’t even know there are any lefties around you.
Asheville consists of marijuana and moonshine. You won’t be disappointed.
Nc could and should end up in the shitter if they don’t knock it off with that anti LGBQT shit. Total nonsense and an international embarrassment. My friends from North Carolina now say they’re from California when they travel overseas.
Avoiding lefties isn’t too hard if you surround yourself with educated people, most of whom have learned what it’s like to be raped by Uncle Sam and hate it.
If you surround yourself with educated people you’ll most likely end up amongst a majority of “lefties” seeing as those that identify as liberal or liberal-leaning are more likely to have at least a college education than those that identify as republican
Sounds like you want to end up somewhere with low IQs and high obesity rates….
My California is doing a lot of blow and paying cheap hookers to fight each other.
So, Florida?
Yeah, when I visit my cousins.
You pay your cousins to fight each other?
I mean if you count a 6 piece chicken nugget from Burger King as pay then yes.
I would have guessed Atlantic City
Sometimes I feel like the only person from the Midwest that doesn’t hate it.
I love it here. We have great beer and low cost of living.
Reading this article reminded me of how complacent I am. And I have no problem with that.
But I’m not imaginary. I’m… I’m Rico.
But I love my Midwest 6 and I’m not a selfish asshole, bro.
Its always a little weird to see a person start commenting on PGP when I’m used to seeing them on TFM.
I can’t even relate to TFM anymore. Good thing they made a website for that…PGP.
I’ve been here for awhile just don’t comment as much, but being a sixth year I definitely had a unique year or two where both sites undoubtedly resonated with me.
Tried moving away and finding somewhere better, but there’s just no place quite like Cleveland. Bring on the haters
Your sports teams are a joke but damn it if I can’t respect my friends who put themselves through the misery of supporting those teams year in and year out.
this was supposed to say can’t help respect but i think it works both ways…
Who dey
Sup?
Suhhhh duuuu
Who dey. Who you?
Saw that coming a mile away.
Cleveland will alway be home. But After going away for college and coming back I am open to moving away for a few years (again) to mix it up.
i belong out there. I have to do it before it caves in on itself in a molten lava, tectonic plate smashing, Michael Bay explosion. Even if I’m homeless, at least the weather is nice.
Every time!
This is actually great advice. I moved to AZ about two years ago and my friends all thought I was absolutely insane. My quality of life, job performance and emotional well being skyrocketed when I came out west.
The gave me the scaries because I moved to my “California” in high school, stayed for college, and now have a job I love here. I would have to move to NYC to find a similar position. Torn between not wanting to be complacent and also not wanting to ever leave. Dammit.