Stop Using Boomerang

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Have you ever been scrolling through Instagram and come across a gif of some people jumping into a pool, a girl blowing kisses, a dude hitting a golf ball, or anything else ridiculously insignificant? Well you can thank Boomerang for that. Boomerang is an app created by Instagram that lets you make gifs (for IG only) out of burst photos from your phone. Whoops, my apologies. It’s not a gif. From Instagram’s blog:

“It’s not a photo. It’s not a gif. It’s a Boomerang.”

Okay, let’s stop right there. First off, you can’t just steal that name from Gmail like that. I’m sure when many of you read the title to this column, you thought “wait Boomerang actually helps a lot,” but I’m not hating on that Boomerang. I’m hating on Boomerang that is being abused by basic millennials across the ‘gram. (20 points if you read the title and thought of one of the best TV channels of all time. Don’t worry, I would never cast a bad stone towards that wonderful TV channel. I love me some Penelope Pit-Stop.)

The first part about this app that annoys me is the fact that it just plays the burst of photos back and forth (yeah I know like a boomerang duh Delph that’s why they named it Boomerang) instead of looping them. So not only do I have to watch you dive (Read: burst through the water with your fingertips before suddenly your core gives out resulting in a 25% belly-flop/75% leg flop combo) , but then I have to watch you gracefully come back out of the water backwards, stand on the diving board, and repeat. No thank you.

In all reality, you can only see two points in time. It’s literally the same as posting two pictures in a row and scrolling back and forth between them. Couldn’t you just post a video of whatever you’re doing? Does it have to be a Boomerang? Oh right, because everyone does videos, so let’s all jump aboard the new trend of Boomerang. Guess what though…now you’re doing what everyone else is doing. Congratulations on being basic.

Why can’t you just post a picture? I would be much more impressed with a photo of you doing a headstand against a wall versus a Boomerang of you struggling to make it up there and hold it. Dudes, if your golf swing looks like a silverback gorilla with multiple sclerosis, then you should probably not put up a Boomerang of it. Just put up a picture of you lining up. I don’t want to see Boomerangs of you blowing bubbles, throwing up the peace sign, running through the sand, swinging a wiffle ball bat, drinking a beverage, biting into a donut, or whatever basic-ass normal everyday task you are so proud of completing. If you absolutely must post a Boomerang of you doing something, can you at least make it cool? Can you be creative? Like, I don’t know, a Boomerang of you jumping off a bridge? I’m kidding, I’m kidding.

“Wait Kelsey will you take a Boomerang of us?”
“Yeah sure girl no problem! Wait, what am I supposed to do again?”
“Omg bitch just hold the button down there while we jump up in the air real quick.”
“Oh, okay. Okay ready? Okay go. No wait, do it again. Okay ready? Wait Kels you’ve got a hair in your mouth. There, okay I got it. Okay…1, 2, 3, go. Shit I missed it again.”
“Ugh nevermind this is stupid anyway.”

Yes, Kelsey, you are correct. It is stupid. So stop it. Much like the fake boomerangs you may have received as a child for Christmas that never actually worked like they were supposed to, this app is also just a huge letdown. Your Boomerangs are not cool, and the only reason you get likes is because we all feel sorry for you..

Image via Unsplash

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Delph

I'm just a cultured redneck that coaches hoops.

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