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When I was in college, I got really into the show “How I Met Your Mother.” Draw whatever conclusions you want from that, but it got me through some tough times and taught me lessons that I took with me to this day. For example, there’s an episode where Barney and Robin break up, and Barney goes to Ted for help getting through it. In more or less words, Ted tells Barney to write down all the things about Robin that caused them to break up. That way, when he inevitably wanted to get back together with her, he could read the list and remember all of that.
Whatever your thoughts are on the show, you have to admit that Ted kind of has a good point there. It’s pretty hard to cut someone out of your life if a few years down the road, you think to yourself, “Damn, why haven’t I gotten drinks with Chris in so long?” only to get drinks with Chris and remember that he’s an absolute trash person. Sure, you could pull a Ted and write a letter to yourself, but that sounds like a lot of effort. Plus, what if you lose that letter? Chalk it up as a loss, you now have a toxic person back in your life. The solution is almost a little too obvious, and it’s something I’ve been doing since August 14, 2015.
Don’t delete your text messages.
That’s right. Don’t delete your text messages. Let those fuckers build up over time until you have the damn Library of Congress in your pocket. Look, I know this sounds insane. Having record of everything you’ve sent and received on your phone can be awful risky. Sure, there are some things that you might not want your parents or friends to find, but trust me when I say that there are a ton of benefits to this method.
For example, there are a bunch of relationships that I’ve been in and out of over time that have ended in metaphorically fiery text message arguments. Some even as recent as this year. Sometimes there’s a clean break and the fallout results in destructive texts. In both of those cases, it hadn’t been two months before I wanted to text both people. When I went to send a new message, I saw our previous interactions and was reminded of the artillery shells that fell. I don’t want to relive that. Don’t have time or energy for it.
On the other end of the spectrum, you might be concerned about the texts you might want to hide. I get that. I’ve had some close calls with opening up the wrong conversation in front of the wrong person and honestly, it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s kind of exhilarating. Like the time I had to prove something to my mom (more on that in a second) and accidentally opened the conversation I was having with the girl I’m kind of dating the night before. It was exhilarating. I’m not an adrenaline junkie but hot damn, I get it after that experience.
As a person who is historically awful at record keeping, it’s a huge help for me to have archives of what I said to people in writing. Sure, nobody likes to have screenshots of texts rubbed in their face every time they misinterpreted something, but it’s kind of astounding how often that happens to me. That, and how often I forget what it is that I said. Look I know this is shitty, but the thing is, I’m wrong a lot. If keeping my texts means giving me an opportunity to flex and be right for once, I’m going to do it.
The problem is that this is a double-edged sword. Like I said, I’m wrong a lot. More often than not, I committed to something that I didn’t want to or said something I didn’t mean, and that leaves me scrambling for an excuse to get out of it or looking for ways that other people could have interpreted what I said. It’s a really bad look, and it’s not something I’m proud of.
Whether you’re trying to remind yourself of arguments past or just trying to prove a point, it’s always a good idea to hang on to those texts. That’s what I’ve been doing, and it’s only led me to three arguments that I can remember. I consider that a success. Either that, or I’m just lazy..
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Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
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Sorry, I need the storage space on my phone. Messages get deleted automatically after 30 days. Can’t live in the past.
I go full scorched-earth when it comes to my iMessage inbox.
I agree. Deleting conversations (unless there’s important information from a boss, family member, or plans with a friend) is the way to go. Prevents you from pulling a Duda and overanalyzing every text, which is never helpful.
Spend the extra hundo for the iPhone with more storage, Ebeneezer!
All messages transfer over every phone, I still have texts from the OG iPhone. So yeah they can build up.
How many text message do you send that you fill up that much space
I mean, if you never delete any messages eventually you’re going to have a ton built up. Seems unnecessary. If I really don’t like someone or they treated me poorly I don’t need an old text message to remember that.
Also, as a side note, it’s not the *text* messages themselves that often take up so much space. It’s the media attachments that really get ya.
Yea, I laugh at the photos and gifs people send me and then I delete them.
Anytime my boss texts me I delete it immediately after replying. The last thing I want is to send a penis joke to my boss that was meant for my wife.
Delete the texts, save the pics.
Sometimes I delete those text messages because the idea of having something toxic on my phone bugs me a bit.
Also, one of the last things an ex-girlfriend texted me before dumping me was “I love you” (it was the 1st time she said it).
That text took a while to delete but I don’t think I started to get over it until I deleted it.
TLDR: I think it helps to delete if you’re getting dumped. Doesn’t matter much if you’re the dumpee.
I made the mistake of drunkenly looking through texts from an ex a few weeks ago. Didn’t…didn’t feel great.
Hung up the phone after the break up call, deleted the messages
I agree that minimizing the amount of toxicity in your life is essential to one’s overall mental and emotional health. Remove that shit, get it out of sight and move on.
But don’t permanently delete it. Archive it somewhere out of reach that’s relatively difficult to access — but accessible nonetheless. Purging your mailbox – whether it be text, email or voice – on a frequent schedule (say, once a week/month) could potentially lead to a situation where referencing the dated material would have been to your benefit.
I.E.: A girl you dated long ago randomly comes back into your life at a time when you’re in a happy, healthy relationship. Though you’re happy with your current boo-thang, the nostalgia hits and you begin daydreaming about “what could have been” if the ex hadn’t dumped you. You revisit old texts b/w the two of you out of curiosity, wondering if reading them will stir up some kind of dormant emotional affection.
However, as you read through them you realize that you weren’t as happy with her as your memory would have you believe. You pick up on red flags that had previously gone unnoticed. Reading through the old texts is surprisingly therapeutic, and by the time you reach the end of the thread you’re different in at least two critical ways:
1) Your feelings for your current girl have grown as you’re now more aware of all the ways she is better than the ex, and…
2) You realize that her final text before dumping you, the one you held onto for so long that made it difficult to really let her go, it wasn’t an expression of love. It was just a deliberately manipulative act meant to string you along. Knowing this makes it easy to politely yet firmly sever that line of communication for good.
Exactly. If I have toxic texts on my phone, I need to delete them or else I’m going to just stare at it forever.
Working in the legal office of my unit I see a whole lot of craziness go down. I second everything in this article. Keeping an archive of text messages, emails, a log phone calls, and visitors to my office may be overkill, but it’s damn saved my ass more than once.
Case and point:
Saving text messages from over a year ago was literally my saving grace after my crazy ex tried to fuck me over via false charges (of which I was able to prove I was innocent and acquitted). She deleted old text messages of our past conversations so her phone was filled with a bunch of unrequited “hey”s to make it look like I was stalking her but I had every last text on record of her responses and conversations she even initiated. Her credibility was instantly ruined and I walked away a free man and make her look so dumb.
So save your old texts (or just don’t date psychos). But y’all feel free to do you. It’s your phone…
I see things like this happen too often.
Side note: it’s not a bad idea to have a third party sign a sexual consent form before you and your bumble date bump uglies (kidding… but not really).
That’s exactly what I’d expect a Fun and Games Officer to say.
I’m a public notary so hit me up if you need your consent forms signed.
I agree. Also the occasional text from a random tinder/bumble person and having no idea who they are. At least with old messages you can sleuth out who’s texting you.
Maintaining a paper trail of all your interactions and transactions is just a good life-skill most responsible adults would be well to practice. And in today’s “digital world,” doing so is extremely simple — so simple that it’s hard for me to understand why some people refuse to do it.
I too keep everything because as I said yesterday, people and events circle back around during your life. For example, if and when I see my ex again and we end up taking, open wounds will probably be discussed and since most people have a selective memory it’s always nice to have evidence in writing so when she tries to pin something on me I can be like “hold on, let me just reference my fucking Rolodex Index of delusional lies…oh look, see right here, you said this and look there’s even a time stamp lol” it’s evil but if you spell it backwards you begin to understand the inner working of most people and society
You nailed it. My most recent ex tried to convince me that I was a nutcase because I referenced old texts and phone calls as evidence disproving her numerous lies. I even almost believed she was right, until I realized she was just grasping at anything possible in panicked desperation to feel validated for her behavior.
That ex is fucking everywhere man. We as dudes need to stop dating that girl. She’s a soul ruiner and you and I know those positivity and happiness posts on her social media are a veneer for a deeper void of attention, daddy issues, and collecting “likes” like the hearts she ate. We need to band together as dudes and point and laugh at her so she understands real life lol
Ted is one of the worst people, fictional or real, to ever be born
Entirely different context but I like keeping my text messages so I can call out my friends and to laugh at the stupid pictures/gifs we’ve sent each other over the years.
I thought I was one of the few who hate deleting old texts but I’m glad to see I’m not the only one. I really need the extra storage damnit, but I like having things as a record because I’m nostalgic.