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Meanwhile, in Canada, the Alberta Parks Department has issued a moose warning. A moose, or possibly multiple moose (“moose” is the plural form of moose, by the way – look it up), is posing a threat to Alberta residents in the Chester Lake and Burstall Pass parking lots and nearby trails.
The moose is just going to town on the salt on the side of cars with no regard for human life. Trampling anyone in its path and swallowing small children whole.
Always a good idea to “sound a car horn or use your remote door alarm to deter moose to regain access into your vehicle.” Don’t be a hero, people, and “do not attempt to push moose away from your vehicle while on foot.” That’s a death sentence. I also recommend that you observe moose from a safe 30 meters away to increase reaction time and evadability. Be sure to keep your dog on a leash, as well, as the moose is sure to run him down and clobber his brains out.
It’s interesting which types of wildlife pose threats in different parts of the world. In Zimbabwe, check your surroundings before walking to your car for that morning commute or a lioness might snatch you and rip your throat out. Be on the lookout for ravenous badgers in central Texas or they may spill your guts out all over your hill country ranch. A deadly bull shark may be lurking near the mouth of the Mississippi so think twice before taking a dip in the gulf.
And if you’re in Alberta near the Chester Lake and Burstall Pass parking lots, that moose is ready to wear your brains on its hooves.
P.S. Moose can downright MOVE..
[via Alberta Parks Advisories]
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
As soon as I read the title I knew this article was written by Cheverere
Encountered some male moose this summer while mountain biking in Colorado. Later that day our fly fishing guide told us that moose are the only animals he RUNS from. P.S. That gif is terrifying.
Moose are near blind and extremely dumb, i.e. very dangerous.
This past summer in Colorado there was a baby moose and a momma moose right next to the road. People were getting out of their cars to take pictures….don’t fuck with moose
Canada, eh.
This is like just over an hour from Banff, AB which means there will be tons of Asian tourists there. All trying to get as close as possible to the moose to take pictures. Common sense would tell you to keep some distance especially if there’s a calf, but the idiots don’t really realize that a moose can absolutely fuck your shit up.
My high school in New England went on lock down once because there was a mother Moose and calf in the area. Those cows will do anything to protect their calf. Never F with a moose.
I’m an app user and we finally got the new update. I kind of like it. It’s much more calming than red, which only fueled my workday frustration.
Fuck you, Dorn!