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Occasionally in life, you might find yourself with someone who has actually agreed to date you for longer than six months. I know, it sounds crazy, but it does happen sometimes. You look up from your coffee one morning and there they are, still sitting on the other side of the couch checking their phone and eating scrambled eggs. And you’re like: Oh, okay. You’re still here. Cool.
If everything is going well, you might decide it’s a good plan to save on rent and move in together, and that’s when shit really starts to get real. They have a clear shot of your face when you wake up in the morning and haven’t taken your retainer out yet. They start to figure out that your habit of leaving every kitchen cupboard wide open is going to be hard to break. There will be things both of you have to adjust to. Being in the same proximity to a person every day creates a level of familiarity that’s intense, but can also become dull after a while. People start to get bored when date night becomes just missionary and Netflix.
When you’ve been with the same person for a while, I wouldn’t necessarily say that the romance starts to fade. It’s more that there are only so many things that you can do naked with a person before you run out of ideas/things they’re cool with. This is totally normal, but for some, this is where the excitement goes out of the relationship. I, too, have been in this situation. Let me help you spice things up a little.
My first tip is to keep your significant other on their toes around the clock. They’ve already seen you naked at this point probably several hundred times, so switch it up a little. Get naked and hide behind doors and wait for them to walk into the room, and then jump out with a bloodcurdling shriek. Girls in particular love this. There’s nothing like a screaming, naked man with his schlong flopping against his leg hiding behind your bedroom door to bring your mood up when you get home from work. She’ll think you’re hilarious, and since seeing a flaccid penis is known to make girls instantly horny, she’ll immediately want sex. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Ladies, this trick also works well in the middle of the night. Set yourself a vibrate alarm around midnight, wait in the dark bathroom until he gets up to pee, and then leap out from behind the shower curtain right as he pulls it out. Guys love the feeling of their heart stopping in their chest mid-stream. He will find you irresistible. Sure, this version might get a little messy since it involves interrupting someone who’s peeing, but what’s a little mess for the sake of romance?
Another tried and true method is to create a surprise scavenger hunt for your honey bun. Couples need adventure to keep things fresh. Hide your boyfriend’s car keys when he’s late for work, and then refuse to tell him where they are. No matter how many times he screams at you that he doesn’t have time for this, or that he’s going to get fired, don’t give in. The added stress will invigorate him, and when the blood starts pumping, it always goes directly to his penis regardless of rage level. He’ll be furious and turned on all at the same time, which is great for a little “Good morning, I hate you” sex since at this point he’s already late for work anyway.
Another option that works particularly well for guys is to hide all of your girlfriend’s makeup and hair tools, like straighteners, blow dryers, and curling irons. This will help convince her that you think she’s beautiful just the way she is, even when her face gets all blotchy and red from screaming at you and crying with frustration at the same time. Deep down, girls love the freedom of not knowing where any of their makeup is. They find it liberating.
Hopefully these expert tips are enough to get you started on livening things up in your relationship. Never be afraid to take things to the next level. Spontaneity is the spice of life, right? .
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Rory Gilmore
Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at rory_gilmore20@yahoo.com.
@rory_gilmore20
Replace her tampon with a pull string party popper for a real treat.
when i looked at the figure of 14788 dollars .Than I have no other choice but to accept , what i saw .They have been doing thiis for a year and get rid of their debts.. Yesterday they purchased new Aston Martin …
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Girl’s seeing your flaccid donger and still not wanting sex. PGP
If you had included a tip for girls to spontaneously stick a finger in his butt, I would’ve sworn this was a seriously written Cosmo article.
“Give him a heart attack when he’s peeing. The chest pain is a natural aphrodisiac.”
My dream is that someone follows this advice and comes up with a response article describing all the wild sex they had afterwards.
I’m curious as well. I already know the outcome if I were to do/have done to me, any of these things. And it is less than favorable.