As odd and crazy and this story may seem, I can’t say that I haven’t been there. You know, like “brb let me spend money I don’t have on a particular education for an even more particular set of skills and then leave this majestic wonderland for the not-so-majestic of a ‘real world’ where the chances of finding a job in which I can use said-education and said-set of skills is pretty slim-to-none without three to five years of experience that I don’t have because I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life then and I really don’t know what I want to do with my life now, but the difference between then and now is that my grace period is over and I owe thousands of dollars to the government, so fuck.”
It’s hard out there for a pimp. It’s even harder if you’re the proud owner of a theater degree. But, if you’re the owner of a theater degree and the name “Stephanie Ritter,” then you’re selling your degree on eBay for $50k because you’ve lost all sense of hope.
Ritter explains, “I thought this piece of paper has so much worth to so many people, but for a theater major, it couldn’t mean less,” she said. “I’m doing the exact same things and probably getting paid the exact same amount as people that dropped out halfway through freshman year, except I’m still $40,000 in debt and they’re, well, not.”
Ritter, who graduated in 2011 from Florida State University, is also selling her entire college experience and all FSU memorabilia that she is currently trying to exorcise from her room, as well. Included is the following:
A TOUR of Florida State University including everywhere you would have gone/eaten/partied in your four years at FSU. (Possibly includes but not limited to: Suwanee Hall and a possible Ms. Killings sighting, Jimmy Johns, Mr. Roboto, dinner at Cool Beanz, burgers & beers at Monks, drinks at Poor Pauls)
Access to all of my college memories/Facebook albums for 6 months! (access to any memories by phone or text between 10-7 Sunday-Thursday so you can give someone the most authentic specific memories straight from my brain to their ears)
A show (on me) at the FSU School of Theatre (on opening night if time permits!)
I will rent a car and show you the best view of the capitol building (where it looks most like a penis)
A TOUR OF ALL OF MY FAVORITE PUBLIXES INCLUDING SWEET TEA AT EACH LOCATION!!
I mean, meh. I got my own experiences and my own diploma with my own name on it for less than 50 grand. And I even have the added bonus of better (albeit, not great) odds of landing a job in my field. The Publix tea is a nice touch — I’ll at least give her that much — but she had already lost me at school play.
Toughen up, buttercup. Shit’s hard for everyone..
Image via Ebay