The Worst Stories From This Weekend: October 22

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Tex-Mex, margaritas, heavy fall beers, breakfast tacos, heavy fall beers, pizza, wine, old-fashioneds. That’s the order of everything I did this weekend. My body hurts for more reasons than one. I’d say I’m not going to do the same thing next weekend, but I am 100% going to do the same thing next weekend.

Yesterday’s episode of The Sunday Scaries Podcast went hard. I took some listener questions, implored you to buy a weighted blanket, and even discussed a new Whole Foods in D.C. that sounds like hangover heaven. You can listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or you can listen below.

Now let’s get into this weekend’s stories. As always, these are original stories from readers like you. You can send me your own to will@grandex.co.

Flashback to July where I catch my gf of 5+ years carrying on explicit conversations with another guy via text. I’m pissed, she apologized, said it was a stupid mistake and won’t happen again, and I forgive her because, you know, love (vom). Flash forward to August where said gf breaks up with me to pursue a relationship with said other guy. (Btw, I’m 30 years old and had to temporarily move back in with my mom because I let her keep the apartment out of sheer depression and poor decision making. Kill me). Flash forward to September where said ex/new guy relationship crashes and burns (karma, am I right?). Flash forward to this past weekend where my now ex-gf is trying to “be friends” and “work it out.” It all got to be too much so I decided to rage for the first time in a loooooonnnggggg time.

The weekend was so fun. 3 full days of going hard. I connected with some old friends, killed an obscene amount of LIT’s, and even got a couple numbers. I showed up to work today behind the curve on my sales numbers for the month, get called in to my boss’s office, and asked if everything is going okay with me (my boss is an amazing person and truly cares about her employees’ well-beings, so shout out to her for being awesome). Anyways, the emotions I’d been bottling up for the last 3 months come gushing out of me like Niagara Falls and I break down. Picture a grown man sobbing in a suit. It’s not pretty. I go home early, and am now dreading going back to work tomorrow because, tbh, I’m super embarrassed. This is a whole new kind of scaries that I’ve never experienced before. T’s & P’s are much appreciated. Lord knows I need them.

P.S. Give your dog a big hug for me. Keep killing it my dude.

I honestly can’t tell — is breaking down and showing actual emotion better than bottling it up while smelling like booze? Like I feel as though the sympathy would go a long way here, no?

Either way, get that girl out of your life. Just wretched.

So to preface this, I made a huge deal of telling everyone I was not drinking this weekend and I couldn’t be convinced otherwise. Surprise, I was convinced otherwise.

Saturday day drinking turned into an absolute blackout at the bar and I have very foggy memories of seeing/chatting with my ex girlfriend. I went to brunch Sunday morning and at brunch got a text from her that was basically like “so are we still gonna grab a drink?” So naturally I slammed more mimosas than anyone ever should.. the mimosas turned into heading to the liquor store and having an absolute degenerate afternoon until I remembered I had a hockey game. I could barely walk let alone skate but I somehow got through it. After hockey, I met my friends from earlier at the bar and fully blacked out again.. got home well after 3 and was up for work at 6. My boss asked me if I had a late night lastnight and said no I was in bed at 9, like a liar.

See, when you actually don’t want to drink all weekend, you can’t *tell* people that. You have to go off the grid. Once you start telling them, you’re likely to get guilted and peer-pressured to the point of blacking out all weekend. That’s just how it goes. Shouts to your friends for not letting you go down easy.

So fly back to the Midwest for a family weekend (haven’t been in 6+ years). Between the makers and cokes, patron shots, and Jager bombs managed to black out by 9pm. (Wedding didn’t start till 6pm) spent the next day listening to all the stories from my 3 hour black out. Including having the hottest girl at the party come up talk to me. Then 5 min later slap me and walk away. Monday morning time to fly back to Lax can’t get ahold of my friend who borrowed my car for the weekend in order to pick me up. Said friend has still not gotten in contact with anyone by the time I land. So have no idea where my car is until lunch with my sister when I finally got told it is in a lapd impound lot. Few phone calls later find out car was impounded because my friend got a dui while driving it Sunday night without my permission in order to get it about I need to pay my registration which is 7 days late (I know my bad). So I get to spend my Tuesday morning cleaning up someone else life instead of the mountain of work I have sitting on my desk. Here’s hoping I get it tomorrow.

I normally don’t include stories that are about DUIs, but this was this guy’s dumbass friend so I figured it works. Here’s me talking to you from atop my high horse — no matter the situation, do not drink and drive, you idiots. Just please don’t do it. Uber, sleep somewhere, do literally anything besides drink and drive. Hell, send me a Venmo request and I’ll pay your Uber home as long as it’s under, like, $30. Just be safe.

Hope all is well, some sober scaries from what became a long weekend. Long story short had to get a tooth removed due to an infection from a long standing childhood root canal. They plan on putting in an implant to prevent further infections. Found out the total cost is gonna come out to about two grand with good insurance. To top it all off my mouth still hurts like a bitch. I’m toughing it out because I don’t want to mess around with pain meds. Hey at least medical expenses are tax deductible right?

Mouth issues are the worst issues. I get severe anxiety going to the dentist. I can’t confront this right now.

Man, have I had a fucking nightmare of a day that makes any Sunday Scaries seem like child’s play.

Trying to fly home today from a client meeting planned weeks ago. Original flight was Salt Lake City to PHX to DFW. 3 hour maintenance delay on SLC flight so I missed the last connection of the night in PHX back home to DFW. So pivoted to a flight from PHX to Vegas, 4 hr layover, then the red eye to DFW tonight. Only reason I’m trying so hard to get back is because my wife is having surgery tomorrow morning for a torn meniscus.

Screw Ts & Ps, just give me all of the booze.

Hey, at least it’s tax deductible, am I right? Also, can someone confirm this? How did I not know this?

Hello Will, aka bodybag bill

I write this to you on Saturday night. I’m not sure what the rest of my weekend holds. But I’m not sure I want to know. I’m a former submitter and my current bf was actually from an awkward hookup submission from the summer. I took him to meet my college roommate Friday night. My former roommate, her husband, me and my bf were to go to a beerfest on Saturday. We made it through the beerfest, and were planning to go to dinner to meet up with more friends and watch college football. At the bar my bf gets carried princess style by my friend’s husband to the restroom. My bf comes back to the table and tells me all about how he wants to take me back home for sexy time. (This is unknowingly fake news) I can tell my bf is close to black out and decided I’ll cancel our dinner order and just go ahead and take him back to my friends house. On our uber home he vommits IN THE CAR. He screams “BUT I ALREADY DID THIS WITH KYLE” turns out my bf vomm’ed in the restaurant. The uber pulls over and let’s him finish, 5 minutes later we make it home and he continues to vomit 3 more times, clogging my friend’s guest toilet and tub (yes you read that correctly, tub) I get my bf to bed and tell him a “night night story” aka a fantasy story of how we started dating. He is already snoring before 9 o’clock.

I can’t wait to remind him of everything from today and watch that cleaning fee hit my credit card. Also our college team lost, as well as our premier league team. I packed the navy scaries T for the drive home, but I didn’t realize it would be so necessary.

Much love.

Man. Not the move. But this also gave me a flare-up from drinking four (4) Guiness in quick succession Friday night at Dillon’s birthday only to get nauseous in the Uber home. I didn’t puke, but hands down the closest I’ve ever been.

Coming at you live from Newark airport. I am going to Europe this week to visit my sister who is studying abroad. After braving public transport to get to EWR, I arrived to find that the airline I was flying with went bankrupt three weeks ago. It just doesn’t exist anymore. I never got an email or anything saying that the flight was canceled or the airline tanked. I dropped $1000 I don’t have to rebook on a different airline (thanks, Norwegian!). Hoping the rest of the trip goes smoothly and I decided I’m not checking my CC statement until next week. I’m having scaries right now in preparation for next weeks scaries.

I don’t even understand how this is possible.

What’s up Will- LTFT,

Currently writing this from the futon of my old fraternity house (note the time — 3:03 am).

Went back to the alma mater but I didn’t actually visit, only crashed there because both actives and alumni went to The Hunt in New Jersey. The Hunt is a horse race, however I do not recall seeing a single horse.

We started the day by beginning our drinking around 7:30am. Quickly realized that it was going to be a long day because working 60 hours a week in NYC does a number on your tolerance. Held my own on the train ride before arriving to the event around 10:15. The event itself is at a HUGE field with a massive infield pit where the parties were happening. We rented a spot and brought a pickup truck and tons of booze/food, so we were set. The venue also had tons of porta potties which was a major W.

The day itself consisted of heavy drinking from about 10:30-5pm. Girls came in and out of our spot all day, and I mingled around as well. Drunk hookups are a given, in fact I even made out with a complete stranger in a porta potty, a new spot for me.

Can’t remember how I went about most the day or how I much I drank, but waking up on the train back covered in mud was an indicator that i was in bad shape. Arrived back safe somehow, killed an entire pizza, and woke up on a sorority house couch at around 2am with a dead phone and someone else’s clothes. Found out the day consisted of a lot of regret, biggest one being accepting a weekend shift at work tomorrow afternoon (thankful it wasn’t a morning shift but WHY did I agree to this blacked out). Def not a text I wanted to reread with a 2am hangover. No idea how the rest of the crew made it back but I heard several people got into fights with both each other and other groups, which you never want to see.

Can’t fall back asleep because it’s 4am and my allergies are making me miserable. Today was a clear yet unfortunate indicator that it is time to hang up the cleats. And now I gotta go to work at noon. Fuck me why do I do this to myself

Ahhhh, The Hunt. Always wanted to go but sadly, I’m too old now. I’d just be the dad-looking dude walking around hammered. But now that I think about it, it always looks like a bunch of dads are walking around because that’s how east coast elite kids dress. Carry on.

Writing to you as I wait the 3 minutes to see the results of the pregnancy test I just took. I accepted a late night booty call last night at approx. 3am after a long day of drinking. This guy lost his virginity to me approx. 6 years ago, and I haven’t seen him or heard much from him since. I uber to the guy’s house (aka his parents’ house… who are asleep upstairs…) and before we start getting all hot and heavy, he proceeds to tell me he hasn’t stopped thinking about me for the past 6 years and that he really likes me. Wtf???? He was also super drunk, but I really don’t know where these feelings were coming from. Honestly, I probably deserve it since I made the choice to go to his parents’ house to hook up like we were high schoolers. I’ve been making some pretty dumb, slutty decisions lately, and I’m just thinking about how my life has been plummeting, and I’m spiraling out of control. I need to do better.

Oh no.

And she followed up.

By the way, the test result is negative. Thank god.

*wipes brow, takes sigh of relief*

Never thought I’d be writing in to you but here we are.

25th Birthday weekend was supposed to go off without a hitch. AirBnB with friends, go out get drunk, have a good time etc.

Got rear ended by an 18 wheeler on the way to the air bnb in Brooklyn, cars still driveable but gonna need some work.

Anyways we finally get to the spot and set up shop, drinks start flowing aggressively to calm my nerves and we take the Uber to the bar.

I wake up with a $770 reciept in my pocket for 2 bottles of overpriced liquor, don’t even remember the ride home or even walking out of the place.

Drive 2 hours home hungover as all hell in my busted car only to realize when I got home that I left my amex and my license at the club. They apparently hold those things when you decide to buy bottles???

With my deductible and everything else, this weekend will set me back around 2 grand.

Regretting not taking a personal day tomorrow.

What a doozie.

And this is why I only go to New York City when I absolutely have to. I leave poor in addition to being a shell of a human being. See you guys next week. .

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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