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I know, I know. Three Reddit stories in one week? What is this bullshit?
Look, it isn’t my fault that Reddit has gone on a goddamn Good Content™ rampage. It’s like I can’t login to Reddit anymore without finding a thread with some of the most hysterical workplace stories I’ve ever read.
The question in this thread was far more broad: What was “THE INCIDENT” at your work? Everybody who has worked at the same place for more than six months knows each office has “an incident.” It’s just the way it is. The difference is, our “incidents” are probably far more tame than the ones you are about to read.
From Reddit:
I work at a boarding kennel and one day one of the dogs got out. It rarely happens, but it does happen occasionally. We all chased this dog for about an hour until they sent me back to the kennel in case someone showed up there while they were trying to capture it. I go back, and about 30 minutes later I see on the news that there was a traffic jam on the highway, and there is a cam showing 3 people chasing a dog in the highway. It was something straight out of the cartoons.
If you catch the dog in time, do you even bother telling the owner?
Last week: someone accidentally sent an email intended for like 4 people to 8,800 people, pretty much the entire building. This triggered tons of people replying saying “this isn’t for me, take me off this email,” which then evolved into tons of people emailing “QUIT REPLYING ALL EVERYONE,” which then turned into people sending memes making fun of the entire ordeal. In about an hour, I received 216 emails. 216 emails to 8,800 people is something like 1.9 million emails (not including actual work emails outside of this) that our email server had to process in an hour.
To anyone who works at Chrysler Tech Center, “sweet Jeep, Greg.”
This is probably the most tame “incident” in existence. Still, worth sharing because fuck people who reply all begging you to stop replying all.
One of the vending machines in work malfunctioned and set all the prices to 0.
People formed an orderly queue to loot the fuck out of it.
It was empty less than 15 minutes later.
I work at a hotel and my boss isn’t letting anyone talk about the fact that our graveyard clerk was fired for being caught on camera with a prostitute in my boss’ office. He’s telling everyone he “quit for another job”
I hope he got it cleaned.
Vet office after closing, two male techs decide to take cushions off a couch, hold them in front of their bodies and run at each other full force. Now one is an average 180ish pound man. The other is just under 400 pounds. The little guy goes flying and splits his forehead open on the wall corner. Now we have a work injury that needs to be reported unless he wants the foot the bill for obviously needed sutures. I don’t remember what they decided or if they made up story for worker’s comp. We do not speak of it.
This sounds like the best office ever.
There have been a few, but the one that sticks in my mind was when the HR department had shit rained upon them. There had been warning signs, the toilets on our floor took longer and longer to drain, but no one thought about mentioning this to facilities. Some kind of blockage had occurred in our plumbing system, however we were unaware of the consequences this would have. I didn’t see it all, but apparently it started with the smell of faeces, then a brown drip, drip, drip from the ceiling, shortly followed by a torrent which ran along the office coating 5 PCs and two people in their colleagues shit.
I turned up to see another member of HR holding a massive bin, whilst a steady stream of light brown liquid poured out of the ceiling and filled it up. I gave them a wave and went upstairs to our office.
I was talking to one of HR about this event, as it is legendary and she said ‘I’ll never forget that, it was my first day’.
Absolutely vile, but incredibly appropriate that it happened to the HR department.
I worked at a hospital and it was common that a group email was sent out to see what people wanted for lunch. It was pretty much the entire floor. Somehow one of the guys replied but had copied in a conversation he was having with a girl he was boning which revealed she was potentially pregnant. She worked on the same floor. I was the first one to notice and pointed it out to him. He frantically went from desk to desk asking that they please delete it.
How is everyone so bad at email? Seriously, 90 percent of people somehow fuck up while using email.
Masturbation in the washroom… but not in the toilet stall.
Someone hit that point in your life where you don’t even care anymore.
Our corporate office is on the 4th floor while the main “store” is on the first floor. The storefront has no restrooms just because it’s not the kind of place where people will need one.
Anyway… someone had directed a customer up to the offices where she could use the restroom. The double doors to our office burst open and this lady comes running through the lobby and down the hall leaving a trail of shit, and a surprisingly huge amount of it. Everyone noticed a horrific smell first and then the sight of it. It was especially hilarious because we had the Disney Corp in taking a tour of the place. They were ushered into the conference room and someone made the receptionist clean it up. She was crying hysterically. I really can’t put into the words the sheer horror for everyone involved but to this day, no one laughs about it and no one will speak of it.
This is horrifying to imagine.
We don’t have a big drinking style xmas party anymore since one female manager was double teamed at our Xmas party while a third guy filmed it on his phone. It’s just a low key lunchtime bbq type of event nowadays…
Sounds like a fucking hype Christmas party.
A company I used to work for would rent out a hotel ballroom and provide 4 drink tickets per guest along with discounted drinks through the night. The last year I was with the company one of the employees went overboard and ended up drunk driving him and his girlfriend into the oncoming lane on the highway, killing them both.
They named a conference room after him.
I tried not to laugh, I really tried, but a “conference room” memorial is one of the funniest office gestures of all time.
Our bartender (a very attractive young woman) got drunk on the job and had sex on the bar during business hours on a slow day. Really wish I could have been there for that one.
That will bring in business.
A cigarette caused a small fire in the mulch outside. The fire alarm was pulled and employees calmly followed escape procedure. Except for the network admin. He ran into the server room, uncabled all servers, and began to derack them and haul them outside on his back.
Goddamn company man if I’ve ever seen one.
Office Christmas Party: Guy wins a $1,000 bonus for being Employee of the year. The next day he has to pay $950 for repairs to his hotel room.
Still got that $50 though.
To check out more phenomenal workplace stories like the ones above, check out the rest of the original thread HERE..
[via Reddit]
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
About this time last year, a girl probably not that much younger than me ran into our building. She was dressed in flight sweat pants and obviously high as a kite, crack or meth if I had to guess. This isn’t really surprising because the neighborhood across the street is really rough. My office is one of the first in the hallway, so I always get stuck playing receptionist (most people who come to our building are lost). My office buddy Dave was sitting next to me, and he just gives me a look like he knows some weird shit is about to happen. I ask her if I can help her and she tells me that her boyfriend has a gun and is trying to kill her.
Dave immediately says, “so you come HERE and he probably followed you? Fantastic. Thanks a lot.”
The dude was running around outside the building screaming and waving a gun around, so we locked the door and just hoped he wouldn’t figure out which office suite she’s in. My boss called the cops and it took HALF AN HOUR for them to arrive even though the station is only 5 minutes away. By that time the dude with the gun had given up looking for her, and to my knowledge was never arrested.
TLDR: I nearly died doing a job I hate because of a junkie.
The cops were probably tending to a couple other mass shootings along the way to your work so that was the delay.
Joking about mass shootings is low, man, even for you.
I’ve been gone for about two months and this is what I come back to?
I just kind of assumed you were the guy who made the Todd account and just ditched the Pepto Bismol account.
Ahh been busy with work so much with our busy season that I kinda went off the grid for a bit.
Don’t know who this Todd guy is, but if he is anything like me then he is A-OK in my book.
You gotta get caught on Todd, man. Post haste.
**up
Edit button!!!
The sad thing is it’s not a joke.
Shut up hippie
What? Nothing hippie’ish about that at all.
My last job as an account manager for a firm that provided emergency international medical evacuations for people that get sick/injured while traveling. Someone in the call center came in high once and told a person that had been stabbed in a mugging in Kenya to “put a band aid on it and take two aspirin and call back in the morning if he didn’t feel better”.
Don’t pass Go, don’t collect $200. He was escorted out of the building and arrested.
Shitting on HR. TPGFM
This comment made me happy.
We had a chick who was rumored to be sleeping with a VP whom our CEO loved for some reason. VP was married with adult kids, she was twice divorced with two kids (a total fucking mess of a woman). One day she just doesn’t show up for work. This goes on for 6 months but she never gets fired. Story comes out she had to have some sort of surgery and the company paid for it and the 6 month recovery time, at the end of which she magically found a new job. Turns out she never had surgery and worked at the new employer for two months already and was receiving two paychecks. PGPM?
This past weekend, we had one of our security guards make fun of the other guard for not knowing how to drive. Well, homeboy decides he’s going to show the first security guard what’s up and take one of the company cars for a joyride. The first security guard was obviously right because the guy who took the car drove it straight through the office wall. My boss was less than pleased with how much I laughed about this.
Oh, here our “incidents” are usually just restructuring and “headcount reductions.” Just me?
Haha yep if you have to end up getting stitches from a workplace incident, it’s automatically an OSHA recordable.
That being said: causing OSHA involvement in an office setting, PGP.
Helluva name
You know how there’s always that one guy that is a stickler for the rules? Apparently there’s a career for that, and I accidentally stumbled into it postgrad 🙁