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We all have our moments. Mine was when I made out with a 40-year-old woman at a Van Halen show only to have her husband tap me on the shoulder and high-five me while smiling with his missing tooth. It sobered me up enough to go find my friends and get out of there, but it was also something I’m glad happened when it was all said and done.
Okay, I made that up, but there was a part of you that believed it for a brief moment in time.
Luckily, there is actually a ton of shameless white trash out there, and they all decided to divulge their trashiest moments on an Ask Reddit thread today. Enjoy.
I was walking through Walmart with my pregnant sister and her boyfriend who wasn’t the father. They were yelling quite loudly back and forth while we were shopping for cheap beer for him and pizza rolls.
There’s nothing trashy about beer and pizza rolls. That’s called dinner where I’m from.
Having sex in the bathroom of a club and asking the dude in the stall next to us to get me a drink.
He did, though. Top bro.
How lame was that dude’s night if he was just being a makeshift waiter for two people getting nasty in the stall?
Went into a backroom at a house party, and a bunch of guys had a scale out and were weighing their testicles…. There was a $45 dollar pot for the man with the heaviest balls.
It’s not gay if there’s money on it, I swear.
Ran out of toilet paper and used a McDonald’s bag. Never again, I swear.
Great opportunities are born from great moments.
Took a sobriety test while seven months pregnant in a McDonald’s parking lot. Had pink furry slippers on.
It would be significantly trashier if I had actually been drinking. Still pretty trashy though.
There are a lot of unanswered questions here. Why were you wearing pink slippers to McDonalds? What did you order? What prompted someone to give you a sobriety test there in the first place?
Hanging out in a kiddie pool in my front yard with a boombox and case full of Budweiser… at 26.
That’s called a Kentucky Saturday. Everyone knows that.
Finger banged a girl, and then received head at 9:30am waiting for a taco bell to open, when it was -15 outside.
We weren’t dating. We were barely friends. We were doing a project together all weekend and needed food. We had 20 min to wait. She lifted her skirt and said she had an idea of how to pass the time. We never flirted, or had any prior intention of fooling around. It never happened again, and we never spoke of it. We then grazed on $30 of taco bell over 10 hours while farting constantly and finishing our project.
Seems tight. I smoked a Marlboro Red waiting for Hooters to open so no judgments here.
Trashiest thing I’ve ever done: got a ticket for illegally selling hot dogs
Least trashy thing I’ve ever done: went to court to fight it and won
What would this column be without a zero-to-hero fairytale story like this one?
Nailed a girl next to a dumpster under a bridge. Noticed a rent a cop watching us from a balcony when we were done.
Also a homeless man in a wheelchair rolled by at one point.
You know what it’s called when a bunch of homeless men turn an abandoned car into an orgy, right? A soup kitchen.
I’ve done a little bartending in my life and as it turns out, it’s illegal to deny service to a sober pregnant woman. So yeah I served a like, nine months pregnant woman shots and a Long Island Ice Tea. I felt like human garbage, poor fucking kid.
What the fuck is wrong with you, man? That’s two lives you’re affecting.
Long story. I’ll try to type it to conceal my identity the best that I can. I was adopted by my grandparents, basically. So, My birth mom’s my sister. I’m driving my sister-mom a few states away to visit my grandpa-dad. She’s been a fucking pain this whole trip. Where do you want to eat? “Oh, I don’t care. I’m just here” “Oh.. we’re eating at subway? Well.. okay, I guess I’ll eat a sandwich.” Do you need to stop soon? There’s a town coming up. “No. I’m okay.” we pass the town. “Can you stop at the next town?” I unlock the doors for her. sits there It’s unlocked. sits there So I reach behind my seat, into the back and pull her door handle. “huh” Besides this she has headaches.. nausea.. she’s sore. she wants to lay down. I hear about it the whole way. It’s like I’m road tripping with a bratty child. Now, I could make the trip in one shot. I’m young. I can handle it. I figured because she’s having such a hard damn time I would stop for the night. She knew this before we got started. So we pull into the hotel parking lot. I ask if she wants to save money and just sleep in the same room. She goes. “Oh, I’ll just sleep in the van.” OH NO. NO NO NO. what I should have done is say. Fine. you sleep in the van, I’m gonna keep driving. But no, I proceeded to LOSE MY SHIT on my sister-mom. I’ve been holding it in the whole trip.. now you’re going to just.. sleep in the van after I planned the whole trip around having to get a hotel.. for you.. We are screaming at each other. In the parking lot. Big time. Fuck it. I walk away and go inside. Pay for two rooms. Go outside. Hand her the key for her room. “We’re getting different rooms?” Well ya didn’t answer me bitch! So go to your damn room because you aren’t allowed in my van! I walk away to go to my room. Here she comes. We’re in the lobby. And she’s screaming, and I’m yelling. She throws the key card at me. Misses. Hits the lady behind the desk with it. I thought we were gonna get thrown out. NEVER in my life have I been such white trash. Before that day I had questioned why I thought it was such a good idea to get her back into my life. Then this event sealed the deal. I haven’t spoke to her much since then. Every time I do she “gets on to me” for not calling. I ask if she still has my number. No. So I give her my phone number AGAIN. I used to hate that I was adopted. After getting to know her I realize it’s one of the best things that ever happened to me.
TLDR; Had a yelling match in the lobby of a hotel with my sister-mom. She hits the cashier lady with the key card.
No, the most trashy thing you did was refer to your birth mother as your sister-mom on Reddit.
I once went dumpster diving alone at the GameStop dumpster near me. I get to it and see some cool shit inside deep so I went in.
During my dig 2 fucking rival gangs or some shit pull up by said dumpster and started going fucking nuts. I was scared shitless and inside a fucking dumpster. I was stuck in the dumpster for like 20 fucking minutes while they fought and shit. The longer I was in there the more of a disgusting fucking nightmare it became. I even resorted to taking a fucking piss in the dumpster.
They left and I drove straight home and took a looooong ass shower.
Just going to a GameStop would’ve given me anxiety. But dumpster-diving behind one? Figure it out, man.
For more of the trashiest things people have ever done, go to the entire thread on Reddit. It’ll make you feel a lot better about yourself. .
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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I think you could have just said, “my mom is also my sister” and that would have gotten the point across.
Did anyone else think he was going to bang his sister-mom in the Super 8?
Their kids would have a hell of a time filling out emergency contact forms.
Maybe the weirdest thing I’ve ever read
I’ve read it 3 times and I’m still scratching my head.
If that’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever read, you need to spend a bit of time on Reddit. Give this a whirl:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/
Thankfully it means that your mom is just really young,not that you also have a grandpa-dad.
Some people just get in weird situations on occasion. Other people are disturbed and create weird situations like these.
Who cant hold their piss for 20 minutes!?
Getting piss hammered and shooting rabbits with shotguns out of a moving truck bed at 3 in the morning is both the trashiest thing I’ve ever done and the most fun I will ever have.
You should put that on Reddit.
Sad thing is, these are probably not their trashiest moments but trashy moments that they are comfortable sharing. Pretty sure sister-mom and daughter-sister have only scratched the surface of there top 100 trashy moments
Just gonna say it. The guy who thought it was “illegal” to serve a sober pregnant woman is a fucking idiot.
It’s one thing to refuse a sober pregnant woman alcohol (alcohol is fine in very small quantities for pregnant women). However, it’s illegal in pretty much every state to serve alcohol to already-intoxicated people (though we all know ZERO bars adhere to that), so he definitely didn’t need to serve more than one or two drinks to the prego lady if he was concerned about his job.