As the post-Labor day week is coming to an end, I feel obligated to pay tribute to a place that made my summer and the summer of many 20-somethings infinitely better. That place, my friends, is the Parker House. For those of you who don’t know, this Jersey Shore staple destination is a mansion-style bar in Sea Girt, New Jersey.
Every weekend during the summer hundreds of young adults gather at this cash-only establishment to take part in a celebration of the weekend. I have to admit that this is the first year I got to experience this place. I had heard so much about it from friends and acquaintances and honestly thought it was just another place that caught way too much hype.
Well, after a summer full of weekends down at this place I have to admit that my initial reaction was dead wrong. It surpassed any expectation I could have ever imagined. The venue has an outdoor patio to enjoy their restaurant. Admittedly, I never got the chance to enjoy anything other than their cheap sliders before I started to drink heavily as the crowd got bigger and bigger inside. Although they close at midnight, you definitely get your money’s worth with the happy hour specials. And from there you can go to Osprey or head to Belmar to D’Jais or Bar A depending on your preference.
You walk in from this zig-zag line (unless you have a VIP pass), pay the cover and have two options. Upstairs, which has four larger bars (I think) in total, one of which you can order cheap sliders and things of that nature. There is also the occasional live music to accompany you. Or you can go to the basement, often referred to as “God’s Basement”, and enjoy the absolute scene down there.
There is something like 7 or 8 smaller bars down there, a stage for live music (shout out Pat Roddy) and then the dance-floor. Now, some have said that you can do the same shit you do at Parker at any other bar. This may be true, but it’s just the atmosphere that makes it so different. The girls down there are beautiful and everyone is irrationally friendly. Starting the dance-around-the-bottle circle, or limbo with someone’s belt takes on a life of its own. I don’t exactly know how to explain it, but it’s just more fun.
My (correct) theory here is that everyone is just happier and that should be obvious. They got to leave work early on Friday and are down there for the weekend to go to the beach, get drunk and meet new people. It’s summer, and that’s just the way it goes. I am certainly not here to question that, are you? OF COURSE you’re not, so go to the bar, order a Spring Laker and just bask in the pure bliss that is the bar.
You have your occasional fight because sometimes when two asshats get into an ego battle, things like that happen. Will you get rejected by that girl/guy you thought was eyeing you? Without a doubt. Will you black out and say something stupid or text an ex? Maybe. Don’t fret, because at least you did it at Parker House where everything is made okay. Why? Because, everyone else around you is going that extra mile. They want to get more fucked up than usual because it’s summer, and who really cares?
Some people may disagree with my above take, but that’s probably because they don’t like to have fun or enjoy being around large crowds of people. That is fine by me. Others may be saying that places like Memory or Surf Lodge in Montauk, or John Scott’s or Drift Inn (now Beach Bar, I believe) in the Hamptons are better. That’s also fine; everyone has their opinions.
There also may be some people out there claiming that I am a non-regular and shouldn’t be providing commentary on this heaven-sent establishment. Well, to that I politely say go pound sand. I will comment on this because it is worthy of a full post AND if you call out non-regulars that have fun at a place you frequent, you are an A-1 loser/joke/clown.
In conclusion (my 6th grade English teacher would be so proud), this post is for you Parker House. May you live forever, see you next summer..
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