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I began writing this column with a very personal tone. I was telling my tale, my story, my saga. About four paragraphs deep, I realized that this was wrong. Immediately after watching Pantene’s newest commercial which addresses nearly every single stereotype and double standard for women in the workplace, I felt a connection. I wanted to tell my story. But it’s not my story to tell, it’s our story.
If you’ve read any of my past columns or follow me on any form of social media, you likely know what I did jobwise before I began working for the magical world of the internet. Likely, as you’re reading this, someone out there has my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages all pulled up and is currently googling the name of my 9th grade math teacher. But don’t do that. At least not right now, because that’s not the point of this column.
I won’t get specific and I won’t get too personal. Like I said, this is our story, not mine. I will say, however, that throughout college and after, I worked in a very male dominated field. So much so, that there were many times that I was the only female working in my office. Being young and naive, I enjoyed this at first. I appreciated the attention. I liked that when I dressed up or curled my hair, someone was always there to tell me that I looked pretty. I liked getting teased and flirted with in a manner that was reminiscent to playground crushes. I played up my “sorority girl” stereotype with giggling and exaggerated reactions. I was the token female, the little sister, the girl next door. All eyes were on me and I loved it…at first.
After a while, however, it got old. The jokes and the teasing and the nicknames and the attention, it all got old. As I started to assert myself more and attempted to shed this image that I had once embraced, I was met with hostility. I didn’t want to be teased; I wanted to be taken seriously. I didn’t want to curl my hair everyday and wear heels; I wanted to be professional and sensible. I didn’t want to babied or pitied or treated any differently; I just wanted to be one of them. But that didn’t go over well, and in countless offices across the world right now, it’s not going well.
Since being accepted in the workplace decades ago, it’s sometimes difficult to feel as though we truly are accepted in the workplace. Women don’t earn as much as men do. And yes, I understand factors such as maternity leave, taking children to doctor’s appointments, little league games, and sick days. But what about women who don’t have children? What about women who aren’t even married? They’re not reaping any of these benefits that misogynists are so quick to taut off when confronted with the “70 cents to a dollar” discussion. And it’s infuriating.
I’m likely going to be called a feminist by some of the male and female commenters, and truthfully, that could not be further from the truth. I’m not a feminist because I don’t think that men owe me anything; I don’t think that they resent me, and I don’t think they hate me. What I believe is that I should be treated equal to men. I believe that women should be treated equal to men. And that is not the case right now in the average workplace. Women who stand up for themselves are considered bitchy and whiny; I’m sure many of you reading this are thinking just that of me right now. Get off your soapbox, you’re thinking. You have the right to vote. You’re equal. But we’re not. Women who ask for a raise are considered needy; men who do it are considered assertive. Women who take responsibility are considered selfish; men who do it are considered powerful. Women should be team-players; men should be go-getters. Women should be nurturing; men should be cutthroat.
In just 60 seconds, the Pantene commercial addresses the double-standards, the unfairness, and the inequalities. It’s simple, it’s powerful, and it gets the message across. It’s a man’s world out there, and we’re just living in it.
Respond
Catie Warren
Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
That video is ridiculous. The vast majority of those labels are put on women by OTHER WOMEN. Stop blaming men for your problems. Women HATE other women and that is an absolute fact. A room full of women is the most hostile environment on planet earth. Fix the jealousy and high school bullshit behavior in your own gender before trying to change the way grown men think.
i am a woman and i don’t hate other women. fact.
look up “internalized sexism”.
I don’t think this video was blaming men for anything. It was just pointing out how similar situations & actions can be perceived differently across genders. It wasn’t an attack on men.
Until you’ve been a woman, I’d advise you not to claim “absolute facts.” All women hating all other women is a bit of a generalization, wouldn’t you say?
I thought this was a comedy website. Fucking stop it.
I would argue there is an equal percentage of male desk jockeys who are considered assholes, douches, arrogant, etc. as there are women who are considered selfish, pushy, bossy, etc. (a great deal of them, in both cases). I honestly believe the woman’s stereotype (or anything to do with women’s issues. Sorry.) gets more exposure because the typical response to criticism from women is way different than that of men. Whereas a typical response from women would be a post on their blogs about misogyny, patriarchy, and general helplessness/need for societal change or at the least a serious talk with their friends, a male’s typical response would be more on the lines of, “cool story. Now go fuck yourself. Oh yeah, did the Giants win last night? Saw it went into OT.” Or at the most complaining to their friends that their boss is a dickhead.
Commented without watching the video #Troll4Lyfe
Do you honestly think you’ll get paid less than a male doing your same job in the same office? There are way too many generalizations I’m your argument
Absolutely agree. As a salesperson my pay is based solely on performance..and guess what? In a workplace with about 40 salespeople and about a 3:1 guy:girl ratio our 5 lowest paid employees are women. In many situations it’s better to look internally to find out what the real problem is, rather than blaming your lack of success on outside factors.
in* damn autocorrect
Most of those statistics do not, in fact, come from salaried full time jobs anyways. They come from full time or part time hourly wage jobs. And it’s getting worse as more jobs are becoming part time hourly instead of full time #thanksobama
I know you want this to be an equalism discussion, but I’m going to use the examples in the story that bug me. First, you mentioned that early in your career, you loved the attention, flirting, and teasing you received from male co-workers. Going further, you used the “sorority girl” stereotype to your advantage in order to feel like you’re “a part of the team”. Then you felt hostility when you wanted to shed that image? Well OF COURSE that will happen. You might offer more to that company than any of those guys at that office, but what was their first impression of you? Just a pretty girl that is clueless in the professional world. We as readers don’t know how long the “sorority girl” act lasted. Days, weeks, months? First impressions and professionalism earns you that respect of being taken seriously, something you did not do right off the bat in your story.
Let’s make this a non-gender argument. Think back in school, when you had group projects. We all had expectations on what our group members would do. Most people would like to work with the dedicated and intelligent people – we stereotype them as nerds. When we were stuck in a group with a jock, slacker, class clown, etc. we have lower expectations for that person.
So to bring it back to the first example, if I was your co-worker, and my first observations are this person’s more worried about her appearance and flirting with Brad in accounting, I’m not going to trust you with an important task to accomplish. That is, until you prove it and show what you can offer to the team.
Lesson: first impressions and professionalism go a long way to eliminate sexism in the workplace.
I believe that by accepting the teases and giving the reactions you gave to those men is your own fault and exactly why they wouldn’t take you seriously in the workplace. If someone was wanting a reaction out of me they wouldn’t like the brutally honest words that would be “teasing” them right back yet have a slightly more sharp edge to it. If you wanted to be taken so seriously why didn’t you give more effort and give shit back that you were given? if you want to be equal to a man, work hard and talk some shit. Acting like a sorority girl has no place in the work environment. Keep that at home and for social gatherings.
To be honest, it has no place anywhere.
This is true. It’s actually quite annoying but I was trying to be kind.
I get why she would revert to actions that she felt comfortable with. When you’re in a new, intimidating environment it can be hard to adjust especially if it’s completely different than the surroundings you left behind. You’re still learning the ropes in a new job and one of the most important things you have control over is the image you portray. She was receiving positive responses and it’s easy to be a people pleaser since it’s a surefire way to make sure everyone enjoys working with you& therefore making sure you keep your job. If she had said straight off the bat “hey, would you mind not calling me sugar or sweetheart?” in a meeting the men, most likely would have given a hostile response anyway or at least a cold shoulder. So yeah, reverting your behavior isn’t the best thing to do& probably should be avoided but I get why it happened.
I have the same argument. You can’t be taken seriously when you’re acting like Regina from Mean Girls in the work place.
Virginia Rometty, Marillyn Hewson, and Ellen Kullman would like a word.
You are a feminist.
I appreciate the points you’re bringing up, but the fact that you blatantly say you’re not a feminist is upsetting. Feminism is the same thing as believing men and women are equal. In truth it should be called equalism because so many people falsely believe feminism is about women being better than men when it is not. You are a feminist. I am feminist. Just thought you should know. People are so fond of labels, but this is a label you should wear proudly and represent truthfully.
it’s called egaltarianism, and the difference there is feminism focuses on just the advancement of women, and the former has a focuses on all the catagories: race/gender/age/sexuality/income/etc.
intersectionality tho. to be fair, the feminist movement has historically catered to a specific demographic of women which is why many women (including myself) choose not to identify as a feminist.
I definitely understand that, I just don’t know enough about the 3-4 convoluted waves that feminism has gone through in the last 40 years to be specific.
I’ll tell you that my friend, who is truly an independent, strong, and capable woman (that’s just who she is, not how she identifies herself) can’t stand the anything marked “Feminism”.
it’s definitely a divisive label! on a purely casual conversational level I try to defend “feminism” but I’m actually more inclined to agree with your original comment that feminism leaves out other important equality issues.
then again if Beyonce’s on board who am I to judge. http://www.policymic.com/articles/32659/beyonce-calls-herself-a-modern-day-feminist-in-vogue-uk
We are equal? If you are not 6’3″, we are not equal, and you’d ask me to get the flour down from the top shelf. Before reading your comment, I’d have gladly retrieved it for you. After reading your comment, I’d have told you to build a step stool so we’d be of equal height. I’ll be drinking beer sitting on the couch, have fun. And if you couldn’t build an effective step stool because your mastery of the cordless screwdriver and craftsmanship isn’t equal to mine, well, I guess there’s “equalism” to blame for your concussion.
lolwut
Equality =/= Identical
Sure, and men and women are different physically and mentally… Why do you think women gravitate towards different professions than men and work less hours? They could choose not to but most don’t because the sexes are inately different. Don’t confuse equal opportunity with equal choice. Pay difference is most significantly due to choice, not discrimination.
Oh you don’t think I can build a better step stool than you? Challenge accepted. I can navigate a construction shop much better than plenty of men I know.
“Choice” is easy for you to say but if you haven’t noticed, both men and women are groomed for certain careers. We’re told certain things like “women aren’t good at math” and “men aren’t nurturing” so I would like to argue that our career choices have much more to do with society’s standards and expectations than “choice.”
It went over her head…probably because she’s not 6’3″.
…and on her period.
No one needs you to get the flour down or build a step stool dude. You need to relax.
can’t I just go buy a step stool?
Only if a dude built it. And you got another dude’s money to buy it. Duh.
my husband did tell me to “treat myself”!
You and dagoofjohn are perfect.
^ Well played.